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Original poster

Party invitation says "No need to bring a present"

281 replies

FrannyandZooey · 13/03/2007 14:55

If you got an invitation with this on, what would you think about it? And would you take a present, or not?

OP posts:
hermykne · 13/03/2007 19:43

i have done this and mean it to my invitees.

hana · 13/03/2007 19:44

fair enough

Tamum · 13/03/2007 19:45

at MamaG's suggestions, which I love.

I would always take something small if it said that- a pack of crayons or something inoffensive. I wouldn't turn up with a full-scale present. I hate the idea of donations, too.

moondog · 13/03/2007 19:46

I write this on my kids' invitations but if people approach me and say they want to give something,I tell them we will give the money to dd's school.
This came to £55 last year which went towards a new whiteboard.

It really pissed me off when some people just ignored me and gave tat.
therei s NO PLace in my home for Bratz bubble bath or Barbie pyjamas.

mrsjohnsim · 13/03/2007 19:48

At our wedding, we asked people not to worry about buying us anything.
I think we worded it "if you see anything that you really want to get for us, then please do, but don't worry about spending hours trailing round looking for a present that you can not afford once you've spent a s million on comeing to London for the weekend" or something equally succinct

jabberwocky · 13/03/2007 19:49

We did this at ds's party last year. A few people brought one anyway but it still cut down on having yet more toys to pick up, put away, repair, throw away...well, you all know the cycle

noonar · 13/03/2007 19:51

hmm, dd had her 5th birthday at the weekend, and i was (rather studily) shocked at how many presents she got. (she had 25 guests, what did i expect?)

it was way too much, but dd would have been distraught if no one had brought anything. maybe next year i'll find a way of cuttting down.

this does seem harsh on the child, tbh, unless they're too young to notice. great for the adult host and guests, though.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 13/03/2007 21:11

But would you all interpret it to mean

DON'T bring a present

(as people who are wondering if it is cruel seem to be doing)

as I intend it to mean

DON'T bring a present if you don't want to

I wouldn't really presume to tell people not to buy ds a present. I don't think it is really up to me - it isn't my birthday. I just want to say "Don't feel you have to bring a present just because we have asked you to the party, because we don't see it as an exchange of goods, we just want you to come."

OP posts:
northerner · 13/03/2007 21:13

I would read it as DO NOT bring a present and not take one.

maisym · 13/03/2007 21:14

ask the parents what they mean to be sure. I must say I feel like writing this on party cards.

satinshoes · 13/03/2007 21:15

i would read it as 'dont bring a present' unless i knew you well and we discussed it. i wouldnt therefore bring a present.

SenoraPostrophe · 13/03/2007 21:15

I would interpret it as you intend, f&z.

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 13/03/2007 21:20

Hmm

I don't know what to do now

I am perfectly happy for people not to bring presents as I know ds doesn't need anything and all that

however don't exactly feel it is my place to say this; I mean I would be pretty pissed off if my mother went round telling people not to get me a present as I don't need anything OH IN FACT SHE HAS DONE THIS and I was not impressed

OP posts:
franca70 · 13/03/2007 21:21

I'd love the idea of bringing food instead of present

Tamum · 13/03/2007 21:26

Gosh, it's hard to get the wording right isn't it? I would interpret "No need to bring a present" as "don't bring one" (which I would then disobey mildly ), whereas something like "Please don't feel obliged to buy a present" I would see as giving me carte blanche to a) turn up with plastic tat or b) turn up with nothing, as I saw fit.

harpsichordcarrier · 13/03/2007 23:53

franny I would definitely take that to mean DON'T bring a present.
and I think if i had not brought a present and other people did, I would be unhappy and incomfortable. that's my experience anyway.
you could maybe just tell people to buy something small or suggest something e.g. a book?

Original poster
FrannyandZooey · 14/03/2007 07:32

Oh dear

why does "no need" mean "don't"?

and

oh dear

I just don't feel comfortable telling people what to get / not to get anything

oh may just leave it

how about

"present optional"???

OP posts:
yawningmonster · 14/03/2007 07:46

We put "presents not expected" on ds invites at 2 yr old party...some got them some didn't, was happy with this as didn't want people to feel pressured to get him things and he had so much from us he wouldn't have realised if no one else had bought anything iyswim.

harpsichordcarrier · 14/03/2007 07:58

because I wouldn't expect you to say "don't" because that's a bit imperative/rude even, but it can be awkward if some people buy presentsand some don't then that can leave the non present buyers feeling a bit mean.
that's just my experience. As I said it happens a bit round here.

LadyPenelope · 14/03/2007 08:57

DD was invited to a friend's party (5) that said something like. "Please don't feel the need to bring a present, XXX will just be delighted that you can come to his party. If you do, we'd prefer no more batman or action heros! Hope you can join us for all the fun!"
I thought this was fine - I sent email and asked what kind of thing he was interested in and chose something appropriate (I hope!)

milge · 14/03/2007 09:24

Ds was invited to a party earlier this year - "please do not bring presents, but X would really like one or two bigger items, such as a trampoline and a bouncy castle, so we would welcome donations towards these bigger items that all the family can use".
His school is full of competitive alpha mums at dawn, so I opted out of the £10 or £20 dilemma by refusing the invitation. I quite liked the mum before hand, now I can't look at her in the same light - she seems v money grabbing and materialistic to me.

elliott · 14/03/2007 09:30

I think you have to be clear and it has to be the same rule for everyone. otherwise, those who ignore the request will feel smug and generous, while those who thought you meant what you said, only to discover that, well actually you didn't, will feel mean and rather uncomfortable.

So, if I got that invite, and worked out that you were happy for presents to be given, then of course I would take one as I wouldn't want to appear mean....

elliott · 14/03/2007 09:33

And, if I hadn't worked that out, but saw some people bringing presents anyway, then I would feel about 2 inches tall....

And I'd feel rather cross at you for adding yet another level of complexity to the whole thing. I'd think, ffs, its easier just to go and buy a present as usual without having yet more worries about party etiquette

fennel · 14/03/2007 11:33

I agree with Elliot, it's easier to just go with the norm (and not put anything about presents on the invitation) but then recycle the excess presents - on to other parties, or use as prizes for party games, or give to charity shop.

Hulababy · 14/03/2007 17:42

I don't read it as "Do not bring a present", but as "don't feel you have to bring a present".