Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

Inviation to a 4 yo's party states "No Presents". Advice?

64 replies

Judd · 13/11/2006 13:43

Hiya,
Just wanted to run this past you. My DD and DS have been invited to a party this coming weekend in the church hall - running around, toys and a bouncy castle. The invitation clearly states that no presents are to be bought for the birthday girl - do I:-
A) comply and just send a card
B) send a DD-crafted card written by her and covered in glitter, ribbon etc.
C) send a present but err on the educational side (Orchard Toys maybe) rather than frivolity
D) Something else along the charity donation lines. (feel this may be more for her parents' benefit though, as the little girl will not understand).
E) Buy something hair-clippy which would be girly yet practical.
Any thoughts gratefully received!

OP posts:
Moomin · 13/11/2006 18:55

I agree with the invite and wth moondog and others. Don't buy a present - you've been asked not to. To imply the child is somehow badly off beacsue of this or it's cruel is bonkers, imo. Both my dds have birthdays a couple of months before christmas and it is overwhelming. I really wanted to stipulate no presents for dd1 this time round but i chickened out and i wish I hadn't now. I have, however, asked all my mates not to buy for my kids this christmas and loads of them have thanked me and said what a relief it is not to feel obliged to buy gifts. The grisl will get plenty from family and 'Santa'.

I think it's sad that people think a little girl can't enjoy her b'day unless she has shedloads of material stuff that she doesn't need. Seeing your friends and playing games and being centre of attention is what it's all about.

flack · 13/11/2006 18:55

I wish I could talk my chldren into this plan (no gifts). The only reason they want the party is for the pressies!

hulababy · 13/11/2006 18:58

Although I can see the pint of too many toys, etc. However I like to get DD buying gfts for her friends - I like to encourage her to learn how to "give". She loves going out to chose something she things her friends will like.

helsy · 13/11/2006 19:05

I'd be interested to know what the birthday girl thinks of this - is it her decision not to have presents? Having said that, I have respected the wishes of parents when they have said this in the past.

Moomin · 13/11/2006 19:05

I can see your poijt hula, but often, presents for your dc's classmates' parties involve a parent (ie mum) rushing round tescos or town the day/morning before the party looking for any toy suitable for the age group. There's no pleasure in envisaging this and that's why the 'no presents' thing is a good idea, imo, in the case of a big party where lots of classmates are invited. If my dd was very good friends with the child then we probably would buy a pressie, which dd chose in town, to give her friend at a different time from the birthday party. (unless parents didn't want us to then we wouldn't of course)

mamama · 13/11/2006 19:07

I said the same for my ds's party - he was 1 so didn't understand all the presents anyway. I knew it would cause problems with his friends wanting the gifts too and we already have tons of toys. All I wanted was a party with our friends.

Everyone ignored my request and brought gifts anyway Of course was very grateful they'd been so kind. I just didn't want anyone to feel like they had to bring something. I'd do whatever you feel comfortable with.

JennyWren · 13/11/2006 19:10

If you would really like to get a present how about making some biscuits with your daughter. Wrap up a few of the nicest looking ones in some tissue paper, tie with a ribbon and hey presto - a token gift that is really from your daughter, and shows a gift of thought, not of plastic. That might be a good compromise to help your daughter experience the joy of giving, the birthday girl the joy of receiving and not contribute to the great plastic mound most of us resentfully give houseroom to for the sake of our darlings children...

dabihp · 13/11/2006 19:19

I would have assumed this meant they wanted money in the card instead...?

lol

Enid · 13/11/2006 19:28

what so you just can't be bothered to go and buy a prenset moomin is that it

Moomin · 13/11/2006 22:28

au contraire enid... I have a drawer of goodies bought for such events as birthday parties for dd1's friends whom I know nothing about and so give a 'stock' gift to - some I might say have been 'recycled' from dd1's previous 2 b'days and christmasses - so it just shows that she had so much stuff she never even missed them! Other stuff is from sets from Book People and stationery gubbins bought when it's on offer. When it's someone we know and have an idea what they like we make an effort to buy for them.

dinosaur · 13/11/2006 22:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Skribble · 13/11/2006 22:38

A home made gift is a nice gesture if you child is desperate to give something.

Why is is sad for the little girl? Shes not going to bother or think she is missing out unless all the mums stand and tutta nd shake their heads as she receives her cards.

Wished I had said no gifts then DD wouldn't have 3 bratzs dolls dressed like prostitutes. (Did get a nice one in jeans and normal shoes and top .)

TheHighwayCod · 13/11/2006 22:39

love party bags

Quadrophenia · 13/11/2006 22:40

my girls just went to a party for 60 kids where they received party mugs filled with all the usual stuff. reckon the mother remortgaged to pay for it all but the kids loved them

hana · 13/11/2006 22:43

agree with moomin,
nothing wrong with saying no gifts - would consider this for dds in future as they already get presents from both sides of family and close friends. 25 more presents is just silly

Enid · 14/11/2006 10:10

silly

more like fabulous

TheHighwayCod · 14/11/2006 10:21

i think ist wnaky to say no presents
sorry all

CountessDracula · 14/11/2006 10:22

A

TheHighwayCod · 14/11/2006 10:24

a?
B?
C?

marymillington · 14/11/2006 10:28

I think it would be wanky to say no presents if 6 people were invited. But if they are inviting 150 of her dearest and closest personal friends the present overload could be quite horrific. I'd do B.

BudaBeast · 14/11/2006 10:28

My DS is an summer b'day and i deliberately didn't have a class party as knew he would get far too many presents. He has more than enough.

But at the first class party in September a few Mums were chatting and we decided to do a collection for every child's birthday (about 3 pounds per person) and buy one decent present. The collection will be done for each child regardless of whether they have a class party or not. So far it is going well. The parent of the birthday child is asked for suggestions for present which avoids duplication too.

Enid · 14/11/2006 10:29

OH ITS ALL SO COMPLICATED! fgs whats wrong with buying a pack of tinkerbell stationery or a bionicle

TheHighwayCod · 14/11/2006 10:30

"150 of her dearest and closest personal friends"

marymillington · 14/11/2006 10:35

Buda that sounds like a total nightmare.

It reminds me of birthday whip-rounds at work. Some officious berk decided that there were some gross inequalities in quality of birthday gifts based on populairty/who was in that day and tried to implement an annual donation to cover everyone's birthdays rendering the whole thing utterly joyless.

I'm sorely tempted to pretend we're johovah's witnesses to get out of the whole thing.

BudaBeast · 14/11/2006 10:36

Enid - my Ds was given a Bionicle which I had to build and he now has no interest. It was a complete waste of money - and is more tat in my aleady tatty house!

Nothing against Bionicles per se!

I think what I am trying to say is that if you buy a present just for the sake of it the chances of buying something that the child is not particulary interested in or already has is quite high.