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Original poster

DS2 wasn't invited to "best friend's" party!

20 replies

LynetteScavo · 20/02/2015 18:47

I need a virtual slap. I have actually cried. Blush

And no, DS2 isn't little and wondering why no invitation or party bag - he's 11yo and in Y7 and has said "That just how things go"

They were best friends since DS moved schools in Y2. I mean really good friends.
To the point I thought it was good they were going to different high schools so they could make more friends.

But to have a party and invite quite a few people from junior school and not
DS?

Oh, Lordy I'm still crying. I'm one of those mothers!

OP posts:
Onesipmore · 20/02/2015 18:51

Have they seen each other recently?

Floggingmolly · 20/02/2015 18:55

Is he definitely not invited? Maybe they're such good friends that he doesn't need an "official" invitation; it's just assumed?

MacGotFat · 20/02/2015 18:57

As a secondary school teacher, it's quite common for students who've been close friends in primary to drift away into different friendship groups once they're mixing with more and different children. Am I right that they've now gone to different secondary schools? I'd say around now (mid year 7) is typical for the new groups to start consolidating and old friends to be separating (though of course these social groupings go on changing). I'd try to look on it as an expected, natural and inevitable evolution of your son's social world, particularly if he doesn't seem upset. I can understand entirely why you're crying though!

Hassled · 20/02/2015 18:58

That really sucks and I don't blame you for being upset. Your DS2 sounds way more mature than I'd be in his shoes.

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 20/02/2015 19:20

My DS2 is being way more mature than me!

I'm now planning a brilliant birthday party for DS2 inviting everyone except his once wad best friend. So not mature of me.

Two days ago I texted friends mum suggesting they meet up, but she made a polite excuse, that was after the party but before I knew it had happened...So at least it looks like I was holding out an olive branch, even though I wasn't.

DH is also going to be gutted when I tell him when he gets home.

DS2 really is lovely, which is why he always gets invited to parties, and why this is such a shock. Sad

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 20/02/2015 19:28

Why are you texting to organise meetups for him?

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 20/02/2015 19:43

Just because we mums always have...she wants me to have her DS while she's at work during the school holidays knowing I'm at work, she sends me a text, or if she's not working I'll suggest something. Has been the way for years...DS1 couldn't organise his own social life until he was in Y9, but I realise DS2 is different and won't be bothering on his behalf again.

OP posts:
Original poster
LynetteScavo · 20/02/2015 19:51

Sorry, knowing I'm not at work ( I don't work school holidays) and usually have the friend one day each holiday if they don't go away.

OP posts:
Idiotdh · 20/02/2015 19:55

I think that's quite mean actually.... If they are in different secondaries I can more understand it, but I think loyalty to an old friend should have prevailed.

Pomegranatemolasses · 20/02/2015 20:00

I agree, it seems very mean indeed. I would feel as upset as you lynette.

Glad DS is being resilient about it, but it still hurts.

PUGaLUGS · 20/02/2015 20:02

You should not be organising a Yr7's social life.

They go to different schools. Get over it. Yes they may have been best friends since nursery or whatever but friendships change. Just because you have him in the hols doesn't mean your DS gets an automatic invite to his party. Maybe it is time to knock that on the head.

Coconutty · 20/02/2015 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigTillyMint · 20/02/2015 20:07

Awww, that's horridSad

Do you think the "friend" has moved on with his friendships or do you think the mother is steering it?

Pomegranatemolasses · 20/02/2015 20:07

That's a bit nasty PUG. I'm sure the Op will 'get over it'. Doesn't mean we're not allowed to be upset about these things. She did state that others from their primary school had been invited.

MillieH30 · 20/02/2015 20:13

Just wondered whether there has been a falling out of which you're unaware. The fact that your DS is so accepting of his lack of invite, and friend's mum is evasive, suggests that there might be something in it?
Apologies in advance if my conspiracy theory is completely wide of the mark!

Original poster
LynetteScavo · 20/02/2015 20:15

DH has come home and said "Well, it would have been polite of him to invite DS2"

Yes it would have been polite, even if the friendship was dwindling.

Re: organising his social life, with his new friends at high school there have been some disastrous results where parents have had to intervene/apologise/sort things out so one boy isn't left standing around waiting for the other. Grin

Also once-was best friend wouldn't organise anything socially for himself....ever. Oh well, not my problem now.

OP posts:
Original poster
LynetteScavo · 20/02/2015 20:24

There was a falling out around the time of SATs..DS2 said play station was best, friend said Xbox was. They had never disagreed about anything before so it was surprising.

But of course they made up the next day, agreeing to disagree.

It's not about the party, it's about the end of a beautiful friendship.

OP posts:
dontknowwhat2callmyself · 20/02/2015 21:23

But are the other boys from junior school who were invited at the same senior school as the boy having the party? If so, I think they would be more likely to be invited for that reason alone.

Luna9 · 26/02/2015 21:40

Were they upset because you decided to send him to a different school when they were so close? He probably decided to make new friends and move on. Your son will have to do the same. Friendships do change over school life

Luna9 · 26/02/2015 21:52

It is sad and a clear message that he doesn't want to be his friend anymore

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