Siblings on birthdays

[nailpolish]

I am so angry and upset

its dd2's birthday tomorrow, she will be 2. FIL has bought dd1 a puzzle so she doesnt feel 'left out' when dd2 is opening her presents

WTF?

it makes me so angry, and ive told him so. its teaching the wrong message

he has always done this and i keep telling him

they will grow to expect a present on the other's birthday

what do you think?

I think its all wrong too. Have never heard of this before Mumsnet. DS1 & 2 were both utterly delighted to see what the other had got on their respective birthdays. They didn't need anything of their own at all.

Cod, you're wrong.

Snort!

My mum does this, even though I now have 4 children. I wish she didn't really.

yes soupy dd's get excited for each other on birthdays

thats what its all about

not material things

yay

everyone agrees with me

except cod

My in laws do this and i hate it, totally unecessary IMO. DS got a present on my neices birthday despite the fact that it would be his birthday the following day!?? He was only going to be one anyway so really what's the point. Your right they do grow to expect it as my nephew said to grandparents can i have my present before xx starts opening all her birthday presents?

My MIL does this, and yes it does wind me up - partly because she can afford to spend far more than we can. But at the end of the day my children haven't grown to expect it from anyone other than her, and it doesn't take away anything from the birthday child really as they get a bigger present (MIL generally gets them clothes, which doesn't exactly rock their boat so that helps )

I think you are over reacting a little bit, but that's understandable given that you have a rocky relationship with your FIL. Your DDs will not get spoilt for life by this, the lessons they'll keep are the ones you teach them - not getting extra pressies once a year from their granddad.

Please take this in the spirit it was posted in, from someone who gets the same thing but has learnt to give in gracefully (well, pick my battles anyway!)

I agree with you nailpolish. Not cod.

we used to get a matchbox car on the other's birthday (despite the fact that my and my brother's birthdays are all of 2 days apart!). But we never grew to expect it, and it kind of died out when I was about 7, without, as far as I remember, any kind of protest.

But it's rather different if you're choosing to do it, than FIL...

I know those who do it

we do not

but I talk to mine like that in cafes -'where would you like to sit?' etc though

Can't seem the harm up until a certain age. It doesn't have to set a lifelong precedent. My ds1 is 3 and the twins are turning 2 on Sunday. I am letting Mum buy him a couple of small things.
I have will let this happen till he is four or five, haven't decided yet.
There is no harm in telling them that it has to stop now as they are too old. But as you really don't like it nailpolish, ask him to stop.

enid, i suspect the way you ask dd's where you would like to sit is not the same as the way FIL does it

he kind of says "where will i sit? where do you want me to sit?" revolving the whole thing around dd1

its hard to explain

you may think im hard on dd's but im not

and dh thinks im overreacting too

i try not to but i get upset and angry

overrun, but WHY buy presents for the children whose birthday it is not? i just dont understand

ive never seen a child upset because its someone elses birthday, they seem to understand it well enough

as long as dd1 gets to blow out the candles with dd2 she will be very happy

grandparenst have done this with my kids. I don't like it much but it has not made them in any way spoiled or cheeky or unpleasant.

Oh yes naily you're quite right and I speak as the mother of children born 4 days apart (well, 2 yrs and 4 days but YKWIM).
Joint parties aplenty they have had but never on either birthday so that that day is special for the child whose birthday it is. Why would the other feel left out? And as silverfrog says, when would it stop?