Clown-phobia. What would you do?

[Posey]

Ds has been invited to a party where there is to be a clown. He is absolutelty terrified of them. We have been to 2 parties with them, the first he lasted 10 minutes, the 2nd he refused to go through the door when he saw the clown and literally clung to me in the hallway until we left after 15 minutes (even though he was in a different room, I was unable to even put him down.)
This invitation is from a preschool friend who has moved away a bit (a good half hour drive from here). He and ds adore each other and I know friend will be really sad if ds can't go as his mum has told me he talks none stop about ds. But equally I know that the minute we arrive and ds sees the clown, he will cry and cling to me until we are firmly in the car returning home. I don't want this to upset the party for everyone else (a group of people I do not know).

So really I know that we can't go. If it was your ds's party and I rang you and explained how would you take it? Or do you think we should go?
Mumsnet wisdom/support required please.

Message withdrawn

Thank you.

And an unashamed bump for further opinions. Am really worrying over this.

Posey, I would understand totally too - we had to leave the circus on a day out because dd went hysterical when the clowns came on.

I'm with your DS and totally understand the panic that ensues when a clown appears. Can you ask when the clown will leave and arrive after or go early and leave before he arrives?

I was terrified of clowns as a child. Don't make him go. Ring the mum and explain, if she doesn't understand then tough. Offer for your friends to come to you for a special celebratory tea another weekend.

Or ring on the day and say your car won't start.

I also got scared of watching my mum putting on her make-up.

Obviously you can't go. TBH this fear is so common I think the parents have been a bit foolish to book a clown. I can't imagine how they could possibly be offended.

Who likes them? I mean, honestly, have you ever met anyone who says "Oh, great, clowns are here!"

Yes, I went from being scared of them to being bored by them.

I found this while googling:

"I have a theory about the reason for fearing clowns that I thought I would suggest to you. Because clowns have permanent, exaggerated expressions painted on their faces - usually of joy but not always, it renders the observer impotent in measuring facial expression as a precurser of action and for those who are vigilent about their environment, possibly because of past traumatic events, they are unable to interpret and therefore predict what this creature may do to them. This is heightened when we observe the "happy" clown performing some aggressive behavior - it becomes too much to take - creating intense confusion and fear."

This makes a lot of sense to me as it is always the fact you can't see their real expression, combined with the feeling of unpredictability that bothers me about clowns. Apparently it is called "coulrophobia".

As I said earlier, I also had a fear of watching my mum put on make-up esp. foundation. And she didn't look like a clown!

dont make him go

weird choice of entertainer for preschoolesr IMO

I booked an entertainer for my 5 yr olds party. I deliberatly didn't choose a clown because I know some children are afraid of them.

At the last minute the act I'd booked cancelled and we had not choice but to have the clown they offered. I had 30 children coming and was desparate!

He was very good and luckily all the children loved him, thank goodness. However I found one of the mums lurking about in another room and she said she was terrified of him and couldn't watch.

Thank you so much for all your replies. She's a very reasonable woman so I'm sure she'll understand. But as he's her 3rd child thought she would've had experience of this sort of thing before.
F&Z very interesting little piece. Makes a lot of sense.

Yes Posey and shows that those of us afflicted are really more sensible and perceptive than the common herd, I thought

I can quite understand your son's reaction. Although I'm not afraid of clowns, I really hate them, and don't find them funny at all. I'm sure if you explain to the mum, she won't be offended.

I'm sure that she will understand. Another clown-phobe here, I find them unbearably sad. The film "Brassed Off" is to be avoided by the clown-phobics!

oh god, was terrified of clowns as a child

then i saw a really good kids entertainer and realised why i didn't like clowns

a lot of them are kind of unpleasant. like they're laughing at the kids.

aargh, can't explain it, but this one guy I saw was the only clown I've ever met who I actually felt I wanted to talk to afterwards. he was very human.

I'd explain and arrange for their ds to come round another time. Lots of children find clowns scary (and even if your ds was alone in his fear, agree with you that putting him in that situation still wouldn't be a good idea).

My cousin's father used to knock her and her mother about, and he used to dress up like a clown. Deeply weird.

n3

at the same time?

My dd was hysterically scared of clowns until she was around 5. We has to check out fetes and things before we went and if there was and we used to do this clown watch system where one of us always had to know where the clown was! We has to refuse several parties - the party parents always understood and invitations from friends always came with a reassuring "no clowns" message! She once became hysterical and hyperventilated when confronted by an unexpected clown in a furniture show room. I was SO sorry for the clown!!! She gradually grew out of it, and bizarrely, she is now an accomplished stilt walker and juggler!

I must remember to tell dd that her fear has a name - she'll be pleased!

We met a wonderful clown this summer - Professor Panic - who doesn't wear make-up because so many children are scared.