Are we being mean not having a birthday party for 3 year old DS?

[patchesmcp]

Ok, so I know this is a daft question but I just want some reassurance that we're not being mean not having a "proper" party for DS's 3rd birthday

We will do something, probably have a meal out with family and then birthday cake back at ours but I really don't want to do the normal kids party with his friends from nursery, as it just seems a bit pointless and I think it'll overwhelm him. However, I think my family will think we're being mean and I wonder if we are, so I'd appreciate your thoughts.

TIA

I didn't we were at a family wedding, where it was also a family holiday. DS is quite shy, so maybe when he's 4. He was quite happy when I brought a cake into nursery to sing happy birthday and gave him presents on his actual birthday.

yes you are mean, shame on you
no mother of the year award for you.
go hide in a cave.

only kidding, do what you want and just enjoy the day.
ignore criticism and be free of any guilt.
when she is older you'll have to have parties for her and she'll love them - but there's no need to "keep up with the Jones's", ever.

do what's best for her & you.
not everyone likes parties anyway.

God no! Enjoy the opportunity to not have a party while you can! he will be happy with family around him and a cake! And so will you and you will get to celebrate with him and not share it with others you don't know very well.

oops, I misread as DD. sorry.

Of course not! Perfectly normal, IME

Here, dcs have tended to have their first 'birthday parties' once they are in Reception - ie, once they turn 5.

I used to invite Grandparents, etc round for tea around their birthdays, but in a way that's just a 'marker' to get round to doing it, otherwise you find a few months have gone and not seen them.

No you are not being mean not having a party for him. As a child the only parties that we had were when we turned 1, 10, 16, 18 & 21. So milestone birthdays although 10 isn't a milestone & the other birthdays were marked by a special birthday tea & cake at home.

This is what I plan to replicate with my kids so they dont grow up expecting a party every year as it should be a treat not an expectation. A friend has 2 parties for her dd evedy year, one for 30+ family & one for 30+ kids. I imagine that to be hideously costly & there is no way I could do that.

Not mean.
I was 8 months pg on DS's third birthday. He had 3 friends round for party tea and they played a bit. Birthday cake. All fine. No organised games, just playing. I think I did part bags. Anyway the children thought they'd bee. To a party, and I hadn't made much effort!

YANBU though that's not what you asked.

I think parties for children younger than 6 are a waste of time and money.

Thanks everyone!

I think you're right Diamond about creating expectations, and I think we'll do them on an ad hoc basis, rather than every year. It'll save money and keep me from getting stressed!

Can I ask another question please? My DS has been invited to a birthday party for a child from nursery. Is it normal for just the mums to go, or do mums and dads go? I'd quite like DH there if possible but not if we'd get funny looks I think it's a soft play party. Plus how much do you spend on a gift? I was thinking around the £7 -10 mark. Is that about right?

Thanks again!

you can both go, or just one of you - no rules.
I don't think you'll get looks, but you certainly don't need to explain your choice to anyone!

My general rule of thumb is spending no more than £5.00 for preschoolers, afterwards it's book vouchers (boring, but easy) a pound for each year (so £6 for a 6 year old, £10 for a 10 year old)

you can be more generous than I am of course!

Thanks once again, that's very helpful!

Be warned. When my youngest was three i didn't organise anything other than Grannie coming round for tea. At lunchtime he was buzzing with excitement and i overheard him say to his big brother "I can't wait for my party. All my friends will come "
Major "oh fuck" moment from me. His birthday is during the Easter holidays usually so half the preschool would be away. I managed to get hold of a few to issue emergency invitations. Got some of the neighbours kid to come. Phoned my mum to bring emergency party food. It all went off well and he was none the wiser.

We never even considered a party for DD1 but when DD2 was turning three she had seen her sister go to parties, have her own parties etc so. we organised that 4 friends would come for tea and a play. She was delighted, the friends behaved beautifully

absolutely not. i decided to have a little party for 4th birthday, but i have other reasons. would much prefer to have small family gathering, but they are 150 miles away. we are still relative newbies in the area and dh does nusery drop offs, so it's also a good chance to get to know the otbbher parents.