Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

party or not for 4 year old of misfit parents?

23 replies

shrub · 27/01/2004 18:32

my ds1 will be 4 years old in next month. over the last 2 years we have taken him for a day out (just me and my dh). we have recently moved area and nursery and now find ourselves feeling the pressure to have a party. the problem being that a) i only know about 4 children to invite that may turn up. b) we live in the middle of nowhere and would be devastated if nobody bothered to turn up. lastly my dh and i are complete social misfits; the whole idea fills me with dread that it could be a disaster. according to bloomin' lord winston and co from 'child of our time' i shall do lasting damage if i don't give him a party
does anyone have any ideas what to do?

OP posts:
twiglett · 27/01/2004 18:47

message withdrawn

hana · 27/01/2004 18:48

where are you feeling the pressure? From friends with children that you have?
For dd's first we had a bbq and invited our friends and for her 2nd we were out of the country which conviently took care of the party issue. But when she's 3 I like your idea of going somewhere for the day. At this stage her friends are more or less the toddlers of my own friends. I think until she is at school and can 'choose' who she'd like at her party, we'll keep it to family (the three of us) She's already been to a fair number of parties and they always seem to be rather manic events. I guess I feel the same as you - that she's missing out on somethings - but she'll be having lots of birthdays in the future. Good luck with this one, I'm sure you'll get some great advice!

spacemonkey · 27/01/2004 18:50

what about holding the party somewhere other than home - local kids playcentre type place maybe? Or is there a leisure centre nearby? Might be easier for the other mums and dads to get to if you're in the middle of nowhere, plus you won't have to clear up the mess afterwards ...

roisin · 27/01/2004 18:52

He doesn't need to have a party, if you all don't want one. DS2 has a very close friend - lives at the end of our road, walks to and from school with us every day. He didn't have a party for his 4th, and neither I nor ds2 even realised! (It came up in conversation this week - 6 months later!) Not sure their ds particularly noticed either.

His dad particularly is very shy, and wouldn't want anything to do with a big children's party, so they just decided not to have one.

Make your own family traditions and choices. You need to mark his birthday in the way that suits you all best.

PS Don't even watch Lord Winston - such an irritating programme - certainly ignore everything they say.

nutcracker · 27/01/2004 18:53

I dreaded throwing parties for my kids. In the end I had one at a whacky Wharehouse (ball pool). This meant the kids were occupied in the ball pool for an hour and then fed and entertained for another hour.

Original poster
shrub · 27/01/2004 19:42

oh i found my thread again - i still haven't got the hang of this... anyway TWIGLETT - yes we are putting ourselves under pressure - i just want to make it memorable for him, he hasn't asked about a party though he knows his birthday is soon. what wonderful words of wisdom about getting to know people - i should just get my act together and go for it

OP posts:
Original poster
shrub · 27/01/2004 19:59

thanks HANA yes there will be more birthdays to come, dh is shy and i am quite a self-contained person so we don't seek the social thing, but i guess i would like to give my ds1 the choice. he is old enough that i should just ask what he would like to do and take it from there
thanks SPACEMONKEY i will look into somewhere closer to nursery- when i really think about it i am probably putting obstacles in the way....
NUTCRACKER - 'wacky wharehouse' now there's an idea, retail therapy and party combined - lovely!
ROISIN ditto lord winston, i think there is a real need for serious programming for parenting, though yet to see anything that doesn't patronise, panic or make me feel guilty for weeks afterwards

OP posts:
aloha · 27/01/2004 20:00

Oh, I'm sure he wouldn't remember much anyway! A friend of mine threw a huge party for her three year old - hired hall, bouncy castle, games, loads of toys, huge party tea, the lot. Guess what? Their son had performance anxiety on the day and flatly refused to come to his own party. Very memorable, of course, but for all the wrong reasons. If a party freaks you out, take him out for the day to Digger World or a farm or something and let him eat cake. Next year he will have more friends at nursery and you can think about a party.

aloha · 27/01/2004 20:00

Though, having read the thread properly, it is entirely up to you!

spacemonkey · 27/01/2004 20:09

agree with aloha shrub, there's no need to put yourself under pressure - i'm sure he would love a day out with you and dh, or if you want to maybe invite one friend along as well. In years to come he may well ask for a party, you can worry about it then

Lou33 · 27/01/2004 21:11

I've only ever bothered doing parties when they are at full time school, before that it's either a family tea party, possibly with a cousin or two thrown in. As long as they feel special on the day, that's the main thing.

Btw, can I ask what you mean by social misfit?!

mrcheese · 27/01/2004 21:14

what do youmean he has been for a day out?

I would have a small party - it doent matter about you really! Its his day!

mrcheese · 27/01/2004 21:15

OH I see - a day out for his bortheday!!

I thought you meant he has only been out once in 2 years!!!LOL

jasper · 27/01/2004 22:41

Don't even think about a party!Not if it fills you with dread.
That's my view anyway

Original poster
shrub · 28/01/2004 15:45

oh god MRCHEESE and LOU33 now that would take 'social misfittige' to a whole new level, he goes to nursery 3 mornings a week so yes, we do let him out :0 i meant that we are not very confident around loads of people (that is unless drink is involved which i guess isn' t appropriate for the day). my fear is for my ds1 being new to the area and that if we invited say 6 kids and only 3 turned up i would feel for my ds1. though since yesterday i have asked him what he would like to do and he wants to go on a boat ride so we are looking to hire a small boat for a few hours, maybe a picnic so if people turn up then its a bonus but if they don't he will still have a good day out, fingers crossed...

OP posts:
zebra · 28/01/2004 15:57

Shrub, I hate the pressure to give children's parties, too. I feel completely incompetent. I only did it for DS last year because I knew he badly wanted it. If your DS isn't bothered, you don't have to do it, I say!

Mind you, in spite of my apprehensions, the party went really well, partly because we did it our way (our house & garden, we booked the bouncy castle, only party games we knew our DS would particpate in and like, our simple catering, loose hours, had it 6 weeks early to take advantage of good weather, etc.). All myfriends were saying it was the best children's party they'd ever been to!

Gumboot · 28/01/2004 16:23

I love doing my childrens parties, the organising the wrapping of the pass the parcel, deciding the theme.......... oh I can't wait for their parties, I get more exited than they do, decorating the house, blowing up balloons, dancing........ oh I'd do it all for you just because I love doing it!

Jaybee · 28/01/2004 16:26

I think if I were you I would take the few children that you do know - maybe ds and two friends to the cinema (will fit in one car) and then onto somewhere for something to eat - or even back to yours for something to eat.

Original poster
shrub · 16/02/2004 14:28

just to update everyone, we hired a small boat at ds1's request for a couple of hours, everyone turned up and it was lovely. thank you so much everyone for helping me get it all in perspective and for your ideas. phew......

OP posts:
charliecat · 17/02/2004 13:57

That sound fab! Well Done..are you planning for next year now?!

zebra · 17/02/2004 14:22

Cheeky, Charliecat. Drive her to the tranquilisers now, why don't you?

Original poster
shrub · 17/02/2004 15:51

steady eddie....settle petal

OP posts:
charliecat · 17/02/2004 23:06

Well you cant have a party one year and not one the next can you now.........????!!!!!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page