What do you do about opening presents at your children's party?

[FrannyandZooey]

Last year we let ds open his presents as people arrived. It was a nightmare as all the children wanted to play with them and there were tears (they were 2). Ds wouldn't put down his favourite present and spent the whole party playing with it.

This year I don't know what to do. We went to a party recently where the presents were not opened at all. I was a bit disappointed as I really wanted to see the little girl's face when she opened our present.

What do other people do?

Definitely open presents afterwards for all the reasons listed below. One way to get round the 'rudeness' aspect is to ensure that when you or your child (depending on age) writes thank-you letters, that you/they say something about the particular present ('Thank you for the lovely colouring pens, I've drawn 53,000 pictures with them already...'; that sort of thing) rather than just a generic 'Thank you for my present'.

How old was the child at the 'no presents' party, ggirl? I like the idea, but have a feeling my dd would feel very unhappy with the idea (she's 6 next month). We are looking into sponsoring a child in Africa, though, and think it would be lovely to ask for donations for that child rather than loads of presents for my own (who have so much anyway...). Will think more about this for future years.

Happy Birthday to BabyHulababy...!

He was 4,so yes maybe he'll be a bit miffed in a few years time when he's been to a few parties and seen all the pressies

So how do you convince the birthday child that they are going to open all these exciting looking things later? Waiting is not really ds' strong point.

I do see what you mean about the present opening losng its magic if you do it after the party, but definitely agree this is the time to do it. You risk disaster with all those openend presents lying around.

I do think a thank you note helps make up for the loss of magic. If you can enclose a picture of the guest taken at the party this is nice as well. I do also make a point of talking to each of the guest's parents later (sometimes weeks later if I don't see them much) to say how much ds liked their present of '***' and has played with it a lot. This may be a white lie, but I want them to know their thought was appreciated.

I've never had big problems convincing my sons that they must open their presents later. Ok they have sneaked a peep at the odd one, but as long as the presents are physically out of reach, my sons have been easily distracted by the general excitement, the guests and the food.

I think you should tell your son in advance that the presents will be saved for later. Also, you could find a specially large box or bag for the presents to be stored in and get your ds to help you decorate it for the party.

"A specially large box or bag"

LOL

It is only a small party

At DD1's party last year (she was 3) she opened the presents as they arrived, don't think i could have stopped her, but only the paper was taken off and the present removed from the room. Shes at the age where they hand over the beautifully wrapped parcel and say its a dora backpack before the paper is off!

we open as they arrive if there are less than about 8 kids

then you can say thank you in person and don't have to do thank you notes afterwards

Last year, dd opened a few when the first people arrived, but once there were lots there, she was too busy playing even to greet newcomers (some were an hour into the party), so those were left on the side. I made sure that I greeted everyone (have been to parties where no-one said hi) and thanked the child, then made sure that the thank-you note was personal. I found opening presents afterwards gave dd something fun to do over the next few days. That said, if it was less than 10 children I would probably open at the party, but not take out of boxes.

Last year, DS1 had his party at a very small soft-play place and they handled the presents thing like pros . The kids sat in a circle and in turn, gave DS their present. The lady in charge "helped" him open things - there were lots of "oohs" and "ahs" but she kept it moving on, really fast. The toys weren't opened - everything still in its box - and they put labels on all the gifts, saying who they were from, and put them behind their counter. Then, they took a group photo and served the birthday cake immediately. I was seriously impressed - something that could so easily degenerate into chaos, went really well. I don't think I could pull off something similar, at home. Let you know next year, it's back to the soft-play place this, as we're moving house again.

I have to admit, I keep all the presents and then we have one a day until they are all gone - That way they each get looked at and played with properly at least once. If I am planning a play date with a child who has given one of the gifts, I keep it for when they come round and then they can personally see my little one's reaction to the gift (I am sitting there, breathing steadily, hoping that she doesn't chuck it to one side!! ) I really do find this works best, it saves that awful over-whelming "ARGH - Too many gifts" reaction you get in most children and save the "Get off, it is mine - RAH!" kind of reaction too!!

The first party I ever did for ds1 when he was 5, I let him open the presetns as the children arrived as that is what we did when I was a child. You then thanked the child for the present, they saw your appreciation for the gift and you didn't have to do thank you letters afterwards as you had already thanked the child to their face.

Unfortunately, at ds1's party, it didn't work that way. The guests ran around and rioted, ds1 got upset and the whole party was a fiasco. So form that party onwards, I have always given in to what seems to be the convention now: the guests hand over their presents, they get put to one side and opened altogether when the party is over. The birthday child then has to sned out thank you notes.

I don't like it. I think it would be far nicer for the giver to see their present opened and receive immediate thanks. Sometimes I wonder if 10 minuutes at the end of the party could be given over to opening the presents.

But the memory of ds1's first party will haunt me to the grave.

It hink that opening the present in front of the present giver is dngerous. There have been a number of occasions where DSs have received a duplicate gift - can you imagine the disappointment on the giver's face when the birthday child (who won't have learnt tact yet!) says "Oh, I've already got that."

By opening them at home, I can explain to DSs and get them to write a nice thank you for the duplicate gift without the giver being any the wiser.

agree with SoupDragon - duplicate gifts are a 'mare

I also remember one Christmas where DS2 threw a present across the room becaue he didn't want it. Can you imagine that happening in front of the giver?? (it did since I'd bought it for him but it didn't bother me :))

I think opening them later is better, makes it easier for everyone.

for the child - they can concentrate on playing with their friends and enjoying the party

for the child's parents - don't have to worry about telling their child to shut up when it's a duplicate present, or if it's something their child doesn't like (I've seen it happen "I hate Power Rangers......" said one delightful little boy at a party last year when opening a present). Also no worries about 'special' presents getting lost/broken

easier for the parents of the child giving the present. Many times at the end of last year when we were skint I was very glad that they didn't open the presents at the party. I know for a fact that some of the parents there had bought very big, and quite expensive (at least by my terms back then) presents, while all I could stretch to was some Mr. Men books (or similar) which were on special offer in Morrisons.

I know my presents would have been appreciated by the family in question (actually one book I bought a "rocket man" story is still a hit now with one of the recipients!) but there was still the embarrasment factor that I would have felt. I may have had no need to feel that way, but I would still have felt awkward. Especially on the 1 occasions I couldn't afford a present and so just went armed with homemade card and DS1.

It also means less mess to tidy up after the party

We ahve always waited until after the party. Ahterall the party is about spending time with your friends and having fun. You can't really concentrate on what you are opening with a room full of people either. I find it's especially useful waiting until after so that you know who bought what. There's nothing worse than getting a thankyou card saying 'thanks for the present!' without it actually saying what the present was. I tend to wait until my children have had a few days to play with stuff then you can send a nice thankyou that means something.
Alternatively you could just forget the usual party and send invitations to 'come to my present opening seesion whhere I won't play with you and will be a selfish grumpy whatsit'!
With 3 children under 6 I have been to a few parties and the best seem to be where the presents are not looked at.
If it is a close friend why not give presents at a time other than at the party, so they can open them in front of you.

Apologies for the appalling typing in that last message. It is Monday!!

FandZ I just wanted to say that I absolutely know where you are coming from regarding the whole 'ethos' of present-giving and receiving being somehow lost in this modern convention. I'm not disagreeing with the practical implications that others have pointed out - what do I know, having never organised or taken a child to a party (dd is just a baba)!

But why should the financial value of a gift be an embarrassment to people - surely the 'value' of a gift is more than that, it is in the appropriateness to the receiver, the fun or use they will have with it, the kind intentions of the giver. I have less cash than alot of my friends nowadays, but sometimes buy better gifts by using imagination and thought!

I also have mixed feelings about wedding gifts - I think having a gift-list at a store seems quite materialistic (dont mean to offend those who have had such things - it is very much the expected convention these days). Yeah I know it avoids the getting two of an item palaver - but it also reduces the giving to a transaction where basically attendees at a wedding simply make a financial contribution to a list of 'stuff' that the couple want - nowadays often not essential household items to set up home because they already have those, but just luxury 'stuff'.

Sorry longish rant going slightly off original point - but surprised that everyone answering focussing on the practical side rather than your point about the 'meaning' being lost.

I do agree with that last point too.
I think parties in general have got out of hand and that's why we have to think of the practical aspects of present giving. Nowadays there aren't just a handful of friends at a party. So you are not just talking about opening 4 or 5 presents. School makes it a whole lot harder too.
I don't have parties for my children every year because I think it is just too much. When my son was almost 5 he went to a party of a child in his class. He was 1 of 52 children. Yes, I did say 52!!! It was terrifying for the parents let alone the children. No wonder we didn't get a thankyou, verbal or written, with 52 to do.
Usually it's the whole class that are invited, something I've not done because it scares me. So it's between 20 and 30 !!
It's like parents just throw as much money at theses things as they can thinking the more they spend the more the child (or other people really) will enjoy it. There's too much politics involved.
Sorry I'm ranting now.
Don't mention party bags as that will really get me going. I don't do them!! For my sons 5th I gave each child a gigerbread character with a note attached saying 'thankyou for coming to my party'. I was asked after giving those where the party bags were? It's an expectation now.

I should have said gingerbread.

3catstoo I think your gingerbread was a lovely idea. Any child who asked where there party bags were is rude IMO! The fact that partybags are 'expected' makes me even more determined not to do them when the time comes. I know thats easy to say now when I havent got the pester power from a child, and the fear of their embarrassment but ....
I cant believe what people spend on childrens parties - does no-one do jelly and ice-cream and pass the parcel / sleeping lions anymore? I'm sure this will have been done a dozen times over on other threads but seriously? Are games too dull for this generation - do we have to entertain them with ever more sophisticated events and activities.

Yesterday the little boy next door (prob about 7?) getting into one of those awful limousines with his friends for his birthday - what is that about?

I do think that parties are often larger now as children have larger groups of friends from different parts of their lives. There were 25 children at DD's party. These included nursery friends, family children and friend's children. All valid to be there and all friends of DDs. I also allowed siblings of friends to come along and join in. We treat parties, whilst DD is so young, as an excuse for a good get together with friends and family and for everyone to relax and have a great time.

Everyone wold have been more than welcome regardless of present being brought or not. As it happened Dd got some lovely gifts and they were much appreciated. And the fact that we opened them later away from the party meant that DD was able toe njoy opening them and exclaiming over them, and wasn't forced to just rush throw ripping off off of paper, etc.

I cant believe what people spend on childrens parties - does no-one do jelly and ice-cream and pass the parcel / sleeping lions anymore?

I did - DS1's 5th birthday party for 10 children cost me the grand total of £25. We had homemade cakes (including birthday cake), bread, biscuits, jelly, icecream, pass the parcel and general racing around in and out of the garden and living room.

Glad to hear it HRHQofQ - that's exactly the sort of thing ds is going to get when he's older!!

DD's party cost me more and the main reason was that I did not want it in my house. I was willing to pay for that convience for my sake, not DDs.