How would you feel about leaving your 3/4 year old unaccompanied at a party at someone's house?

[justlemonade]

DD1 will be 4 in 2 months and I need to get planning her birthday party. Last year I did a party at home, but found it really are work mainly due to most of the kids being accompanied by 2 parents. There was a whole load more catering, cost and clearing up etc to do for the adults. DD says she'd like a party at home rather than hiring somewhere out, but I don't know whether I can politely say to parents not to come, and if they'd be happy leaving their kids at this age. Also, do those with experience think I'll be making a rod for my own back as I'll have to look after all the toddlers myself?

Hmmm, difficult one really. My dd is 3.5 and I can't imagine leaving her any time soon. I think if you want less of a houseful, it may be better to just invite 4 or 5 kids and accept that they come with parents!

I didn't leave mine until reception year. If you want to encourage them to be left then you can say 'drop off welcome', but I think in reality it isn't until the end of nursery/begining recption that most go solo, and even then mainly not in Sept term.

Why are you catering for loads of adults at a kids party? Fair enough if it is grandparents, aunts/uncles etc, but I usually shift them to another day. For parents of their friends I put out some juice/wine and parents can pick over any left overs from the children's table if they are huungry. Do the party from 2-4 or 2:30 -4:30, so they don't expect any food. If you do a party from 11-1 or 3-5 the parents will be hungrier and eat more. I don't do hot drinks (rebel) on the basis that there are children running around and I don't want accidents it's not really, it's because the tea/coffee run takes 5-10mins and I'm too busy for that .

Fine. I've held parties for children on their own at the age and also left my DD at other people's parties.

If you keep the numbers small (we did 8 children), and have enough adult helpers (I drafted in DD's grandparents), then you should be fine. Make it really clear on the invite what you expect to happen and how the party will work so that parents can talk to you about the practicalities if they want. I just said that DD was having a 'grown up' tea party for a few friends. Nobody declined.

All i would expect is a coffee and maybe a biscuit. It should be all about the kids - its a party for the kids not the adults. Do not feel obligated to feed them unless it is over lunch where an extra plate of sandwiches will suffice.

At DD1's 4th birthday party in March none of the parents of 4 year olds stayed, other than a friend of mine who stayed to hang out with me.

It was such a relief.

The parents of some 3 year olds stayed, which was entirely appropriate.

3 and 4 year olds I would expect mostly to stay, 4 and 5 year olds mostly not to.

Thanks for the feedback. It seems that by most people's views I over did the catering for the parents last year and thus put myself under undue stress. I did a full on buffet. If we do one at home and the parents do want to stay, this year they can just have crisps!

Make a huge bat h of gingerbread and let th roll out and cut, stick in oven while kids having party food and maybe a pass the parcel, then decorate.
I do this at Christmas and the kids love it.
Make a bit more kiddy food if the adults want to pick, but I woildn't expect full on buffet, maybe tray of cakes with a cuppa but no more than that.

My dd is now 9. From experience I would only invite about 4 or 5 friends otherwise it will be chaos and none of them will want to do the same games as each other etc. If you keep numbers down the mums are less likely to stay as they will feel you are more in control. Don't cater for the adults. No one expects it. Tea etc is fine.

No, no definitely no full on buffet, the parents will always want to stay then, you'll be fending them off when she is having sleepovers for her 9th birthday! It is very nice when food is provided, but really not expected. It is different if it is more of a grown up's party, say the children's baptisms etc I did buffets, but there were grandparents, aunts uncles etc and was more of a standing around chatting party. A birthday party tends to be more focused on entertaining the children, and the food just revolves around them. We are having ds's 3rd birthday party, and although all the parents are staying, if they want food they will need to pick at the food the children don't want (is a buffet so not as if I am expecting them to raid a lunchbox although I have done that waste not want not! ).

Expect most of the parents if not all to stay this year, next year probably about half will stay as is fairly early in the academic year, by the end of reception generally around here only the most shy/ children with SN will have a parent stay. By her 6th birthday you will see the dust clouds as the parents all head off to do Christmas shopping.

If you want to do something nice but not too stressy as it is presumably not too far off Christmas buy some mulled wine/non alcoholic punch breaks her own hot drink rule and some mince pies (shop ones). But it really isn't necessary.