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Parties/celebrations

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Original poster

Do you give presents if your child can't go to the party?

23 replies

Flutterbutterby · 26/08/2012 21:59

Hi

Dd is about to turn 4 so I've not faced this many times however someone recently mentioned "my DC would be really upset if s/he didn't receive a present from one of their best friends". I was a bit Shock at a 4 year old expecting presents and then I thought, oh, should one give a present even if unable to go to the party?

I've not considered this before and simply didn't give either a card or present if my DC couldn't go, which is the way it was when I was a child. I am thinking about nursery/pre-school friends' parties DD is invited to as opposed to family friends for example where I would give a present regardless of being invited to the party.

Just wondering if I've completely missed the party present etiquette! What do you do? What do you expect when it's your DC's party (I would be surprised if DD was given a pressie if child was unable to attend).

OP posts:
pictish · 26/08/2012 22:00

If my kid's not attending, there will be no gift. I am not made of money!

Catsdontcare · 26/08/2012 22:02

No I don't. The only time I do is if it a child of a close family friend

BoysBoysBoysAndMe · 26/08/2012 22:03

Hmm, I would give a card if not going to a party, but no gift.

Unless it was a very close friend (1 of his 3) in which case I would prob still get a gift as they're great friends.

vodkaanddietirnbru · 26/08/2012 22:04

only if they were a close friend. One of ds's friends was unable to make his party as he wasnt well on the day but he brought the present into school for him anyway. I brought his friend his party bag and we did a swap!

BackforGood · 26/08/2012 22:04

No.

ArthurandGeorge · 26/08/2012 22:05

No, not at 4!

Brandnewbrighttomorrow · 26/08/2012 22:06

I would buy a gift if it's someone we see outside school/nursery, in which case I would really want to be there. If a class invite that we couldn't make then no.

onedev · 26/08/2012 22:07

Agree with Pictish.

pictish · 26/08/2012 22:07

Oh yes - if it's a good pal and close to the family, then a gift will be bought....but not if it's a random invite from someone in the class or whatever.

WildWorld2004 · 26/08/2012 22:08

If its just a class friend then no but if its a friend of dcs then yes i do.

Beamur · 26/08/2012 22:09

I wouldn't.
The only exception I've made is one time I accepted an invitation, bought a gift and wrapped it and then DD refused to go! I felt a bit embarrassed so gave the present to the Mum when I saw her next and told a small fib about DD being unwell....

5madthings · 26/08/2012 22:12

if it is a close friend yes, otherwise no.

Viviennemary · 26/08/2012 22:12

I would give a present if the child was a special friend. If not I wouldn't.

barefootcook · 27/08/2012 04:33

Yes, I would. If they take the time to send an invitation I think it is just good manners to acknowledge the event. My son is rarely invited to parties so is not too expensive at the moment.

pengymum · 27/08/2012 08:03

If invited to party and declined ahead of time, then no present. If accepted invitation and not able to attend on the day, then would give present (as would have bought it already!).

Of course, if special friend or rellie, then would get present regardless. I only buy for children and don't intend continuing once kids over 18. Unless my financial situation improves significantly! Grin

maples · 27/08/2012 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Flutterbutterby · 27/08/2012 22:02

Thanks all. Comforting to know I am not the only one.

OP posts:
Beamur · 27/08/2012 22:09

Maples DD was 4 at the time and not really that keen on parties generally and for some reason got upset about going to this particular party, so I decided not to push it and so she didn't go.

Pancakeflipper · 27/08/2012 22:12

I don't do pressies if we say we are not going to the party. But last year I said yes to an invite for DS2 then on the day he was ill so I made sure the party girl got her present.

And the mum was lovely and made sure we got a party bag ( and my kid is dairy-free and she had bought him dairy-free treats - I get teary remembering that).

korvonia · 29/08/2012 15:26

I wouldn't, but two girls from dd's last party dropped off gifts because they couldn't come. She's 8 and they are quite special friends though.

3duracellbunnies · 03/09/2012 14:01

If it was a best friend from school (I mean the ones who are constantly talked about not the ones who become best friends for 3 days) then yes I do give something, even if we can't go to party, e.g. Two (reception age) parties while we were away, one was dd2's best friend (play together all the time, lingering hugs every hometime, etc) - met at park before we went, gave a present, had some cake etc, she got party bag; other girl is only occassionally mentioned, declined invite, no present - hopefully not offended.

stealthsquiggle · 03/09/2012 18:14

I wouldn't even consider it in most cases, but in one case (close friend, only invited 3 people to party, of whom DD was one, but we couldn't make it) I did invite birthday child over to play another time instead, and gave her a birthday present then.

headfairy · 03/09/2012 18:16

not unless the person was really close friend. Ds is still good friends with the progeny of our original ante natal group so I would buy a present for one of them if we couldn't go to the party. Not otherwise.

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