Children at Weddings; Avoid or Embrace?

[Jenniferkate]

Trying to decide whether or not to invite children to your wedding is a tough one... What does everyone think is the right thing to do?

There is no right thing. Just be aware that weddings with or without kids are fundamentally different. Hard to have a sleek, classy do in a fancy hotel when there are two year olds sceaming and demanding to be fed during the speeches. However, if you like less formal dos where it doesn't matter if a child is not absolutely perfectly behaved at all times, then invite them. Hopefully the parents have manners and sense enough to contol them or remove them.

Prepare for kids at a wedding by providing goodie bags that are handed out just before the speeches and by providing suitable food options. Check that there will be baby change facilities and may be somewhere for them to run around. Some people even hire an entertainer for the kids or put on a selection of DVDs in a seperate room. Even the nicest kids get bored and that's when the trouble starts.

avoid...like the plague.

Would not dream of attending a wedding if my children were not invited ... be prepared to offend a lot of friends with children. Agree with DrSeuss about making the wedding child friendly.

Depends on you / on the kids you expect and on the kind of event? Who you expect to offend / cater for etc...

My wedding - small scale, family meal only and friends reception at home was with Kids and no problem and everyone had a great time. Without kids (which never occurred to me) I would have excluded some really great friends and also half my own family (kids from 9m to 10 years)!

My sister - big formal do - church then country house reception and afternoon and dinner and party was with kids and the kids sat at the tables with us and everyone was well behaved. There was a room with beds and cots arranged for afternoon naps and there was lots of green space outside to run around. Worked really well and everyone rose to the occasion. Apart from when I briefly had to take DD outside the church before the service started because the organ was 'loo loud' :-)

Others' weddings (before we had kids) - on varying scales, UK and abroad, the kids were always invited and well catered for etc...

If I was invited to a wedding now and my kids were explicitly excluded, I don't think we could/would want to go. It's like saying 'we don't trust you to keep your kids under control'.

I think it depends on how many of the guests have children and their ages. If just some of the guests have children and the children are older, probably fairer all round to go with adults only, the children will have more fun on a sleepover with friends, than at some distant relative's wedding. If most of your friends have young children (6 and under) they may be reluctant / unable to leave them. We don't really have anyone who could take our 3 on overnight, yet!

It depends on what sort of a wedding you want?!

I got married four years ago - and spent ages agonising about whether or not to invite all the children of family/friends. It would have been difficult to impose a total ban, as we have DC between us.

I had visions of kids skidding on their knees across thedancefloor - and getting noisy during the meal/service.

In the end we had 22 children - out of the total of 70 total guests invited. I was a bit unhappy about it - as it meant that we had to sideline some friends who i would have preferred to be there, but the venue only seated 70.

Oh, the children were actually quite well behaved and they didn't impact on the day at all.

But I can see both sides. If I was invited to a childfree wedding it wouldn't stop me from attending. It is up to the bride and groom to invite who they want.

I've been at a wedding this weekend, with my toddler twins. The bride and groom went with the 'embrace' option and went out of their way to include the children of all ages. Their info sheet (with the invites) made it clear that they were happy for children to be children and that they didn't expect silence during the ceremony, and the church had a little kids area with books and toys, which parents and tots used as necessary during the service.

At the reception, they'd asked about food before hand and asked that people brought thier own high chairs. They'd put little gifts out for all the children to help parents occupy their children during the meal. There was two little rooms off the main room - one with toys and one with no toys but comfy sofas. The kids were easily entertained wandering about and in no way compromised the enjoyment of adults (I don't think!).

The whole wedding was relaxed, friendly and supportive. They'd planned things to make entertaining the children easy for parents, so none of them got bored (and therefore annoying).

If you want your wedding to be über smart and run exactly as you've planned, I would exclude children (and expect parents with your children to either decline the invite or leave after the meal). If you want your wedding to be a celebration of family life, include everyone and make it a party.

I've been to both types of wedding pre-children, and I always enjoy the child-friendly ones more

I think being invited to a wedding is almost a privilege, so therefore demanding you take your kids, is a bit of a cheek. If you do want to take them, offer to pay. As you can guess, there were no kids at my wedding

22 kids out of 70 guests ?! My giddy aunt...

Unless tiny babies involved, people can almost always find babysitters, or just invite them to the evening do.

We had kids at ours but put on some entertainment in the form of Wizard Wonky for them during the meal and speeches. Think some of the parents were worried about their kids being taken away into another room but all the kids loved it. It worked out ok as the meal got delayed but the photographer and the kids would never have coped. I struggled not to do her damage as I was so hungry let alone the kids.