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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

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Original poster

Since when were you meant to stay at a party with your child??

31 replies

zephyrcat · 27/02/2006 13:35

When dd had her party in December I was amazed at the amount of parents who hovered around for the entire party but didn't think much more of it. DD has been to 2 parties in the last week and at the first one I heard the Mum say that 'most Mums are staying I think' but she knew I had a midwife appointment so I went... The party she went to on Sunday I got the impression that the Mum wasn't happy that we left DD there and DP said he felt guilty leaving her there. When we picked dd up she asked where we went and said everyone else's Mum was there!

I've never heard of having to stay at a party before??? Is this the done thing nowadays??

OP posts:

jamiesam · 27/02/2006 13:37

Went to 4th birthday party yesterday and I'd say around half the mums stayed. I'll stay with mine until they are settled - hope by the time they are 5 that they don't take too long to settle and I can have some time off!

Caligula · 27/02/2006 13:37

Depends on how old your child is.

Now that there's this preposterous custom of having proper parties for very young children, you have to if you participate in that.

But for school age children, no, unless it's something very odd and specific.

BettySpaghetti · 27/02/2006 13:38

Has depended on the age really. I think most children were left without parents at DD's 5th birthday party. At her 4th party it was probably half and half.

Depends on the type of party and location too eg. if its too far from home to bother going backwards and forwards or how near some decent shops the venue is!

katzg · 27/02/2006 13:40

at DD1's 3rd birthday party i was suprised when one of the parents dropped off and left there not quite 3 year old.

IlanaK · 27/02/2006 13:40

How old is she? I had this discussion with a friend the other day and I would be horrified if anyone tried to leave their child at my house/party. My son will be 5 on his next birthday. I have been told that this starts to be the norm when they go to school though (hmy son is homeschooled)

coppertop · 27/02/2006 13:40

I stayed with ds2 (3yrs) when he went to a party. He has SN and is still in nappies so I didn't think it was really fair for me to leave him.

The one thing that surprised me was the parents who left their child without also leaving some kind of contact details. The children were too young to be able to say their addresses or phone numbers and so there was no way of contacting parents in emergencies.

Miriam2 · 27/02/2006 13:41

How old is your dd, zephyrcat? Round here people don't tend to stay unless it's a friend and you specifically invite them. When dd and ds had parties at home (not many, I hasten to add, soon got fed up of that!) I hated it if parents stayed uninvited because they were often people I didn't know very well and I felt you had to chat to them etc instead of concentrating on the children and the party.

JonesTheSteam · 27/02/2006 13:41

All the parties that DD has been to in the last two years - all the parents have stayed at them.

She had her 5th birthday party last week at a softplay place. All the parents stayed, except one, who dropped his DD off, and asked if it was ok to pop off and do some shopping as his DW was ill. (Was fine by me as I know the child well - has been for tea here once or twice).

Was quite surprised that so many others were still willing to stay, though.

DD is one of the oldest in her class - all the rest pretty much have birthdays from May onwards, so I don't know if that'll make a difference as they get older.

CountessDracula · 27/02/2006 13:42

I went to a 4th bday one yesterday too, they wrote on the invitation that there would be plenty of adults there and so if our kids were happy to stay on their own then we should feel free to bugger off and have a couple of hours chilling (or words to that effect) which I thought was very thoughtful

I stayed though

sandyballs · 27/02/2006 13:42

I think it depends on the child - my twin dds are 5 (on Wednesday!) and one of them would hate to be left at a party, she won't go unless I promise to stay. Doesn't really bother me, in fact it helps me get to know some of her school friends' mothers, other than at the usual rushed drop off/pick up in the school playground.

Original poster

zephyrcat · 27/02/2006 13:42

These were all 4th birthdays - I probably wouldn't have thought about leaving if they were any younger but these are the first lot of parties she has been to - just took me a bit by surprise!

OP posts:

lunavix · 27/02/2006 13:44

I think the 'etiquette' is for school age and above drop them off, for under stay?

DumbledoresGirl · 27/02/2006 13:47

How old is she zephyrcat? My older children didn't go to parties when they were young (we moved frequently and they didn't know other children). ds1's first party invitation came when he was 4 and had just started school. I could tell parents weren't going to stay for it so rather nervously handed him over to strangers, but there were no problems and it would never have occurred to me to stay at any other parties he was invited to.

Ds2 was much more socially mature and went to loads of parties at about the same age - 4ish - no trouble.

When dd was 4 she was invited to a party and I just took her along intending to leave her only to discover the parents expected me to stay. Dd was the only friend invited - the rest were family - and I just didn't want to be there so I made an excuse of having to nip to the shop and didn't return until the party was nearly over. Dd was fine BTW. I am sure the parents thought I was really odd, but I would never have accepted if I had known I was expected to stay too.

Ds3 has had one or two invites (when he was 2). I stayed for one party (in a leisure centre) and refused the other because I could not, in all conscience, take my 3 older children with me to lounge around in a near stranger's house.

Miriam2 · 27/02/2006 13:47

We were so strapped for childcare/ babysitting/ childfree time when ds was small, dh and I used to use parties as an excuse to go home and ahem...have a lie down...

JonesTheSteam · 27/02/2006 13:48

So 'my' group of parents are just weird then - all staying!!!

Twiglett · 27/02/2006 13:50

I think from age 5 its the norm to leave them .. or hang around if you want to

under that age no way

DumbledoresGirl · 27/02/2006 13:50

I think also that some parents stay even if the children are older if the party is being held in a public place. Where we used to live, it was common for parties to be in the soft play place in the nearest town which was a good 15 minutes drive from our village. People would stay then and have a coffee in the cafe together, partly I suppose, to avoid driving back and forth twice.

desperateSCOUSEwife · 27/02/2006 13:51

I hope this isnt the norm

WideWebWitch · 27/02/2006 13:51

Yes, drop and run from 5 upwards ime.

Original poster

zephyrcat · 27/02/2006 13:52

She's 4. All the parties were in soft play centres - including dd's so it was all her school friends and they were all supervised by staff - If that wasn't the case I probably would have stayed. I just feel incredibly guilty after yesterday's party when dd told me all the other Mums were there Although TBH it would have been a nightmare to stay as ds is 18 months and would have wanted to join in and at 35 weeks pg I couldn't have faced chasing him around!!!

OP posts:

Earlybird · 27/02/2006 14:06

I tend to stay at parties with dd (just turned 5) for the following reasons:

Typically, too far for me to drop off, go home, and return to collect. Just not worth it to leave.
Provides the opportunity for relaxed conversation with other parents instead of a few snatched words at the school gate.
Gives me the opportunity to be around/observe dd's school friends, and to watch how dd interacts with them.
An extra pair of hands often seems needed, even if it's only to guide children to the bathroom or refill drinks.
DD wants me to stay, so I do.

LIZS · 27/02/2006 14:15

dd is 4 and insists I/dh stay but it is often a mixture of those who do and those who don't. At that age we used to leave ds.

cupcakes · 27/02/2006 14:19

Started leaving ds at parties when he started in reception. Having said that, I have stayed at 2 parties recently where they've been held in soft play centres because I'm not crazy about all safety aspects there. Plus it's a nice time to have a chat with friends.
I do leave him at parties held at home. (he's 5)

Marina · 27/02/2006 14:23

Depends on venue as well as age. We still stay if needed at these ninth-circle-of-hell leisure centre parties, not so much for ds as for the general keeping an eye open stuff. Feel quite OK to leave him at parties in other school parents' homes and have done since he was four.

Earlybird · 27/02/2006 14:38

I should clarify and say that for dd's group of friends, there's been only one party during the last year that was held in someone's home. At this age, the entire school class is invited to every birthday party. Add in a few siblings and non-school friends, and every party is at least 20 kids (and usually closer to 30). Almost nobody we know in central London has that sort of space at home (and if they do, they don't want it trashed by marauding 4/5 year olds). So, birthday parties are held at soft play, church halls, etc. I'd be much more comfortable leaving dd at someone's home for a party.

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