invitation wording advice needed (related to cash bar, no presents please etc)

[lilolilmanchester]

will be having a party later in the year.

I really, really don't want people to bring presents, but I really, really can't afford the thousand pound plus bar bill I'd have if I were to pay for drinks...
( and please don't respond and say "if you can't afford to pay bar bill, don't have the party" - which I have seen on another thread....)

I thought I'd put on invitation "cash bar, so no presents please" - but one of my friends, whose opinion i really value, said that was crap as it would make people feel like they should bring a present anyway.

I thought also about saying "no presents please, donation to your favourite charity in lieu if you must"....

Not quite sure how to handle it... want people to know there is cash bar, really don't want presents... any ideas?

How about just saying at the end:

You can buy drinks at our cash bar.
No presents please (honestly!)
We are really looking forward to seeing you!

It's clear, straightforward and you'll probably still get some presents anyway, but hey.

yeah, that's the kind of thing I want to say... my friend said don't tie the cash bar to no presents, otherwise people will feel they have to buy present anyway. but I really, really don't want presents.

And wouldn't have mentioned cash bar at all (as is the norm at parties we go to... ) until I saw MN thread about "how rude not to provide all the drinks" and " we took no money and then found out cash bar" and "if you can't afford to pay for the drinks, don't have a party" ............. am fairly sure all I invite wouldn't be shocked at cash bar but having read the MN threads, not sure what to do now.

any other thoughts, anyone? (not dismissing your response 2to3, just wanted some additional opinions :-) )

Personally I am always stunned that people can contemplate paying for all the drinks- I would expect a cash bar and then be pleasantly surprised if not. I would rather pay for my own drinks and be at the party, than not be invited as they cannot afford it.
I think2to3's wording is fine.

We really really didn't want people to shell out to buy us wedding presents but lots of people actually want to give you something so whatever you say, you risk people spending money and giving you things you may not want or need, so we asked everyone to give us a copy of their favourite ever book, with a note inside. Very personal, cheap and gives you a fantastic insight into your closest friends! We now have a lovely wedding "library" to treasure.

Maybe just mention (cash bar) after details of reception on invite? People shouldn't expect it not to be but would probably appreciate a heads up?

I have never been to a wedding where there wasn't a cash bar, i think ppl expect that.

How much detail are you putting in your invite! You could include a order for the day (1 service, 2 milling with drinks and nibbles, 5 breakfast, 6 toasts, 7 cake cutting, 8 onwards disco with buffet and cash bar) and then on a different bit if the invite put about the gifts.

Why don't you want gifts? If you actively don't want them for some reason then put that reason on the invite. If you just don't mind if ppl do or don't then don't mention them on the invite and if ppl ask tell them they don't need to bother.

I agree don't relate the two issues as they aren't because of one another.

Oh you will get sone gifts regardless. I'd always take something.

Oh and totally personally, I hate ppl telling me to make a charitable donation instead of a gift. I do charity giving anyway and don't like ppl instructing me to do so as to me it sounds like I'm being called consumerist just for wanting buy a gift and to me it sounds like you think I don't give to charity.

I don't think anybody expects the person giving the party to pay for their drinks these days. Even if you put no presents folk will bring one. I do. And so do lots of other people. But you can if you like say no presents but I wouldn't mention cash bar.

What a lovely idea about the books!

I would never expect not to pay for drinks - cash bar is entirely normal and having a paid bar is definitely the exception, I've never heard anyone say 'if you can't afford the bar billd don't have a party' - how odd!!

I would just say something like, a cash bar will be open until XXpm, and not mention presents at all

thanks everyone, it's not a wedding, it's a birthday party. There was another thread a few weeks ago where someone said "if you can't afford to buy the drinks you shouldn't be having the party". and "we went to do and didn't take any money" etc etc so wanted to see what people thought about wording.

Re presents, maybe I'll just mention that to each one as they reply. I'd rather they made a donation to their favourite charity in lieu.

How weird re the other thread. I've never gone to a party with a free bar, some people have more money than sense.

I've had a 'welcome' drink. Could you do that, just get some lambrini cheap fizz with orange and as pp said put a note on the invites that first beers on you.

Don't worry about the presents, people will ignore you anyway!

I'd not mention either, i've not ben to either a wedding or a party (in a function room or pub with a bar) that has been a free bar. I would always expect to pay for drinks.

I would be put out at paying for drinks in someone's living room

As for the presents i'd make no reference to it at all, if asked just say i honestly don't want anything.

Yes, I think first drink is a good idea, will talk to the venue about how best we do that. I think I'd prefer drink of their choice rather than fizz as not everyone would want that. Thanks all.

If you want to do a first drink you could give people a voucher that the bar can redeem against particular drinks - although tbh I wouldn't expect any drinks to be provided at a birthday party

yes, thanks sooperdooper, have seen that done before, then the bar staff can just write the cost on the back of the voucher and easier to tot up.
Appreciate everyone's feedback

All the parties I've been to, birthday / engagment / wedding reception have been pay for your own drinks. The last wedding I went to didn't even have a bottle of wine on each table, so solely cash bar.

I have been invited to parties with 'Your presence and not presents, please' as a wording, which I thought was nice - affirms that you want to spend time with these people, not because you want a stack of gifts to open although that'd be nice too

Hope you have a lovely time :)