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Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

Original poster

cash bars at parties - yes or no?

31 replies

lilolilmanchester · 14/05/2012 21:15

this is a question arising from another thread (not a "thread about thread").....

so does the "only have a party if you can afford to provide all the food and drinks otherwise you're a tightarse " also apply if the venue for your party has a bar (i.e. the host can't provide the drink)

For 100 guests, I reckon that would cost £500 - £1000 significantly increasing the cost of the function. At other people's parties, I have always happily bought my own drinks at a bar (or taken a contribution if no bar).. but given responses on the other thread, am now wondering whether I shouldn't be having a party at all if not prepared to pay silly money for my guests' drinks?

I would like to say "cash bar so no presents" on invitations, but a friend told me that would be naff.

So now stuck and thinking of just not bothering, rather than potentially upsetting people - so just don't know what to do :-(

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 14/05/2012 21:17

I think its fine to have a cash bar, I wouldn't expect the host to provide all the drinks for 100 guests.

It would be a perfectly normal thing to do in my world.

NatashaBee · 14/05/2012 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect · 14/05/2012 21:21

We would call it a party ,if it was in a place with a bar I would expect to buy my own drinks and not give it a second thought.

Eglu · 14/05/2012 21:22

I think once you get past a certain number of guests then it is only fair for guests to pay for at least some of their own drinks. I'm not sure what that number is, but certainly 100 is more than plenty.

I think it is important that the hosts provide at least an arrival drink though.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 14/05/2012 21:43

OK, so it IS a party, not birthday drinks. Host paying for room, disco, food .... every party I've been to like that, guests have always paid for own drinks, and that;s seemed ok, until i read "the other thread"...

So paying for a drink on arrival will add £250 - £400 to my bill for the evening. I got the sense that if I'm not prepared to pay for drinks, I shouldn't have a party - but room/disco/food will cost me over £1k so not exactly being tight?

I don't want presents, as people buying own drinks, but not sure how to handle that given comments of friend who said not to put that on the invitation?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 14/05/2012 21:48

I would just go ahead and have your party , everyone I know would be perfectly happy to buy there own drinks
I wouldn't put anything on the invitation.
Have a great night.

PinkChampagneandStrawberries · 14/05/2012 21:52

If I went to a party in a hall with a bar I would expect to pay for my drinks and do would everyone else I know, I wouldn't worry about it just go ahead and have your party

fivegomadindorset · 14/05/2012 21:53

It's fine but let people know, nearly turned up at my vrothers wedding to find it was a cash bar, but it is highly likely that there were ulterior motives as everyone else knew except for us and his three grown up children.

FebreezeYourJeans · 14/05/2012 21:54

it's absolutely fine, would like to know it's a cash bar in advance so I could bring shedloads of cash Grin that's all.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 14/05/2012 21:56

thanks all, it's not for a while yet so time to have a re-think about what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 14/05/2012 21:57

cross posted with the last two posters... which is why I wanted to put "cash bar so no presents please" (or similar) on invitation - but friend said that would be naff so not sure how to let people know tactfully. Maybe I could do that at the point at which they respond?

OP posts:
FebreezeYourJeans · 14/05/2012 22:11

They are your friends, you don't need airs and graces, a simple 'cash bar' is fine.

UniS · 14/05/2012 22:16

Cash bar.

Please no presents.

Separate the two things on the invite.

Hassled · 14/05/2012 22:18

I've been to plenty of parties with a cash bar and never thought twice about it - it's been fine. No one can afford to feed and water large quantities of people, can thye? You pay for the venue and maybe a few nibbles and do the organisation and you've done your bit, I reckon.

MaureenMLove · 14/05/2012 22:20

I don't think you need to write either on the invite. Is the venue somewhere where people invited will know it's got a bar?

And some people will want to bring pressies! I think in this day and age, people expect to pay for their drinks.

Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 14/05/2012 22:20

agree, all invitees will be friends so was fairly chilled about it.... then started to fret after hearing people callling their friends tight for not providing drinks on another thread

OP posts:
Original poster
lilolilmanchester · 14/05/2012 22:22

maureen, hassled, that was my view, based on my experience, before I read the other thread. I am thinking I should keep off MN and just think about my own friends.... but agree re letting people know there is a cash bar, and like the idea of separating out the "cash bar" and "please no presents" bit.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 14/05/2012 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PommePoire · 14/05/2012 22:22

I had a similar dilemma when wording an invitation to my birthday party. I paid for everyone to have glass of prosecco on arrival so, I went for: "Please join PommePoire in celebrating her birthday with an aperitif, supper and dancing..." Then where, what time etc. and then, in small print in the bottom corner: "Cash bar, license until 11.30." In the event my lovely DH put some behind the bar (without telling me until afterwards) so quite a few guests didn't buy a drink all evening.

PommePoire · 14/05/2012 22:23

My DH put some money behind the bar, that should read, not some bees, or some jam as you amy have been thinking Wink

NervousAt20 · 14/05/2012 22:24

Every party I've been to have always been a cash bar, never known it not to be. Wouldn't worry about other people not being sure because if it's at a venue then it's right to assume to pay for your own drinks, I wouldn't put anything on the invites either but if you really wanted to I would do as someone has already previously suggested and say:

Cash bar.

Please no presents.

Hope you have a great night Grin

nutellaontoast · 14/05/2012 22:29

The whole "you must pay for the whole party's food and drink for the whole night" thing on the other thread was pure mentalism. I think even the person who posted it was thinking about a much smaller party. People would think you'd secretly won the lottery if you paid the bar bill for everyone!

UniS's suggestion of how to handle the invites is good imo. I'd be inclined to put it in small letters at the bottom, two seperate sentences/phrases will be fine.

Don't freak out, you're doing a nice thing by laying on a party, everyone will loves it, and the way your circle normally does things is, well, normal.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 14/05/2012 22:31

I wholeheartedly agree with Febreeze, you'll be among friends, who won't think anything of it, just be pleased to spend the evening with you. What a sensible point to make. These kinds of threads (house rules, crimes against fashion, bad taste etc) give me goosebumps, and make me wonder about all sorts of things that I'd never otherwise considered, and I have to give myself a proper talking to not to get paranoid about it! I honestly considered hiring the village hall for DD's modest 2nd birthday party following a quick peep at a "house rules" thread, as I became (momentarily) convinced that someone would be opening my cupboards and notice that I store my (unmatching) mugs the right way up... :) Have stopped fretting and will celebrate at home -nice!

nutellaontoast · 14/05/2012 22:33

Actually, feck it, maybe you shouldn't tell people whether or not to bring presents, they may well want to. You especially shouldn't ask people not to bring presents out of some misplaced sense of guilt arising from snobbery people clearly with too much spare cash incorrect etiquette advice posted online.

funnypeculiar · 14/05/2012 22:33

I've never been to a party at an external venue, or indeed a wedding, where there isn't a cash bar. I have clearly completely the wrong type of friends & family... If within your gang, cash bar is normal, then don't worry!