Ideas for a party-less birthday

[FloweryRuna]

Hi,

My daughter's birthday is after the easter holidays and I've just started wondering what to do. I've got social anxiety and don't know other mums in the area. My daughter will be 5 and has friends at school but I don't speak to their mums.

What can I do to celebrate her birthday? It's too late to organise a party as I was reluctant to before. I can't organise anything myself and would prefer to pay someone to do this for me but it's really expensive. What else can I do to make her day special? She goes to school on her birthday and they have mini parties for kids in class. She's invited to go to a friends birthday party next week that was organised ages before as their mums are more knowledged, confidence and better at these things. Other parents seem to have more money too.

I'm a bit slow and not good with numbers, have little money and no self esteem. I have trouble mixing with other people and would make a crap host at her party - I want someone else to do all that for me. Next year I will plan it better and save. But what am I to do about her birthday this year as she won't be having a party?

btw I don't want other kids in my house, it's rented, and so on and I couldn't cope with it. I'm on citaloprem which my dd's teacher doesn't know of (my dd's dad said not to tell people as he thinks it would fall badly on me). I had a psychosis in the past and recovering from it so I couldn't organise parties alone or host things. I'm too much of an outcast and people frown upon me as it is for looking weird. All I'm concerned with is how to go about celebrating my dd's birthday? It would have to be the weekend. Sorry the post is long.

1 - mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of.

2 - kids parties are normally a nightmare anyway.

3 - special family day out? Zoo, theme park, cinema trip and pizza hut, family meal somewhere like a harvester as a treat, children's farm this time of year lots of baby animals etc. Where on the world are you?

Reading your post made me sad. You sound so down on yourself. I totally understand how, if you are a shy person or otherwise feel insecure, you find it difficult to organise parties for your kids. I think lots of people feel like this. I did parties for the first time this year and it wound me up no end, especially when I did ds's (he was 5, has ASD, I'm a full-time working mother who had no opportunity to get to know the other mums beforehand, I thought no-one would come and we would be outcasts!)
But you know, they actually went off fine. So next year if you can, give it a go, because you might be surprised. For this year, there's lots you can do. Does your DD have a particular friend? Would your budget run to, say, an afternoon at soft play for them both and a packed tea after school? That way you can sit while they play, you don't have to "host". Or the pictures?

For another year, our local cinema does a kids club on sat + sun mornings. It is just under a fiver for one child, an accompanying adult, popcorn (make sure you ask for sweet), a drink and some sweets. As long as the film is vaguely appropriate, she and her friends would have a 'party', you don't need to be on show, except at the begining to receive guests and at the end to wave them away, the rest of the time you watch the film. Just make sure there are enough adults to help with toilet trips (and that they have all been before it starts). Tbh you won't get many parties for under a fiver so it is good value. For special days out at that age - if you are near London a trip to science/ nat history museum is free and goes down well. Or theme park, farm? Hope you all have a lovely day.

FloweryRuna, parties are a bit "ten a penny" and I think children go to sooo many they all blend into one, and so not worth stressing over. When ours have birthdays on school days, we do things like breakfast in bed whilst opening cards/presents - a no-no any other time, thinks like Croissants (bit messy for the bed) or choc chip brioche or muffins & cartons of juice... just something theywouldn't get every day. Maybe she gets to choose a video to buy which you can watch as a family after school, they don't have to be expensive, just something you think she'd like that she's not seen. With a bucket of popcorn / dish of crisps. And a picnic tea infront of the telly... Then at bedtime, run her a lovely bubble bath, with a cup of cocoa ....
I don't know whether these would work for your DD, these are just ideas, but just think beyond a party do something for her you wouldn't do on other days?

You've done yourself down a lot in your post, but your post shows what a lovely, caring Mum you are. Not "met"you on MN before, but you will get a shed load of support on other parts of the site... good luck...

Can you make her favourite meal on the day, bake a cake, and sing the happy birthday song? That's what my DD's last two birthdays were like. How did you celebrate last year? Does DD WANT you to organize a party, or is it that you think you "ought" to? Regardless, saving it for next year when you won't be fretting over things sounds wise.

Why do you mention your medication, I'm not sure what bearing that would have on whether or not you could/should host a party. I also suspect it isn't your DD's teacher's buisness, so nothing wrong in not mentioning it, you wouldn't talk about other medical choices you make for yourself with the school, after all! (what meds DD is on is different) though I err on the side of minimal disclosure, and my boss, parents, and most of my friends don't know that I'm taking Lofepramine for depression

One thing the locum my GP mentioned to me was a free online CBT programme called Mood Gym; the link is here if you are curious about this method, it may help you be happier in yourself, and less inclined to interpret things like the fact your rent your home as something in the way of social success.

moodgym.anu.edu.au

Good luck!

moodgym.anu.edu.au

for a clickable link... oops.

Thank you all :)

I plan to take her to the cinema on her birthday weekend.