etiquette query - Do I invite all siblings of my 4 year-old DDs friends and can Mums drop and go?

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I am having my DDs 4th birthday party at home and have a few ideas on how I want it run...

Mums can drop of other 4 year old friends (there will be about 10 all of whom visit my house regularly but not all at once!)

This means the younger siblings (mostly 18 months - 2.5 years) would not be present (as they would be with their mums) which I actually prefer. I will have a few adults to help including my Mum and sister and my childminder.

The main reason I am wanting this is because my house is quite small and with 3 year olds, babies and Mums and some Dads last year I was run ragged sorting out baby stuff, making tea and coffee and games for the toddlers (which should have been my priority).

Am I being too rigid? At what age are children ok to leave without their mums?

My ds aged 4.7 just went to a party where I wasn't allowed to stay. They also let dd aged 3.6 stay as she refused to leave.

you cant force mums to leave

some 4 year olds might want their mums for a bit

but if you only invite 4 year olds then only the 4 year olds should come

I would have to stay with ds because he has allergies - but he is an only child, so you wouldn't have the sibling worry. And I never expect to be catered for as I am just being ds's shadow.

A sell for them is "I'll do everything here and you get some time to spend with the baby/toddler, we'll take lots of photos."

I would not make tea and coffee for mums regardless. Stick some soft drinks on a table and tell people to help themselves / grab a cup of tea if they must, but it's a party for the children and the adults can fend for themselves, IMO.

Not all children and not all mums will be happy to stay alone age 4. I think you may have to be flexible on this, however don't wait on anyone who stays - give them a job to do.

Thanks for the quick replies! My feeling is that if I only invite the 4 year olds and not the babies, the other mums will be in a dilemma as to whether they stay or go (with the babies). I am good friends with all the mums so will hopefully not offend anyone too much.

bsg - were you offended at not being allowed to stay? Your was your ds happy for you to leave?

I always feel once the kids are in the spirit of the party they lose themselves in the games anyway and forget where their mums are anyway.

Yes, for those adults who do stay I shant be catering for them other than showing them the kitchen.

Have the children visited you on their own before? Have the parents met you nad know you?

DD is 3y8m and has been to a few 4yo parties recently, but so far all parents (bar the odd one) has stayed. I can't imagine leaving DD at a party just yet - thought that would be from next year when at school.

Wouldn't expect siblimgs to be invited/stay unless asked before hand.

My dd2 is 4 nearly 5 and she would go into melt down if I left. I wouldn't expect to be catered for and would offer what help I can give whilst remaining in the background. I am trying to get her used to the idea that she doesn't need me there. In the first two years of giving a party for my dd1 I found at least one child could not cope with mum or dad having left and I had to sit with them and not do the other things I needed to do for the party I found that the children who needed this were the ones you would never expect it of!

When ds was 5 was the first time people dropped and went tbh. Before that I ended up catering for smaller siblings, no choice if the parent was staying. If you're offering parents the choice of dropping and leaving and making that clear I bet most of them do and therefore you won't be dealing with the adults and the tinies, just a lot of lone 4yos, are you sure that's what you want?!

So no, Id on't think you have to invite siblings, absolutely not, but if parents stay you will often end up with siblings, which is understandable. you absolutely don't have to cater for/look after adults much imo, it's a party for children.

It was a party in a house of one of his school friends. I must say that lightly actually (not really a friend) He is in a portuguese school and only just learning portuguese, however the party was straight from school. We weren't given the option to stay. It was made quite clear that no parents were staying. DS just said bye and went to play and he is very shy. As i said DD wanted to stay (she is in the same school). The little boys dad said she could stay although I just got a look from the mum!!! They were quite happy and the party didnt finish until 19.00.

We have just gone to a 4 year olds party, the mum did say that we didnt need to stay but all the mums did. I was offered a drink of lemonade and to be honest that is more than what I would expect, I didnt expect any food. It was in a hall with all of dd's nursery class, I would have felt a worried leaving her. I also have another dd who is 18 months and so far all the parties have been at the weekend and I have never taken dd2 unless she has specifically been invited as dh has been home. If the party was during the week I would probably have to take dd2 if I was staying. I cant imagine any time soon that dd would be happy for me to leave her.

I had a party in my house when ds was smaller (I think 2) all kids and mums invited. All mums sat chatted, ate, drank and left me alone to look after all the kids.(these were my friends)!!!! I ended up with the house trashed, cake up the walls and at the end they said " you have a lot to tidy up don't you, bye then". I was shocked. I have never had a party at home since.