For my 40th, I'd like contributions to one big present rather than lots of little ones. How do I organise this?

[franch]

What I don't want is cash in envelopes!! Is there some sort of online alternative?

I'm having a party and really don't want to be buried in a pile of presents, but I'd love to buy myself a painting.

What I'd like is to give people the option of donating to one of my favourite charities (I'm thinking of Because I Am A Girl), and/or to a little 'painting fund' for me. For the charity thing I will probably set up a justgiving page, but is there a way of doing something similar for a gift?

I found a good website called What I'd Love, but you have to specify the exact thing you want and what it costs; I haven't chosen a painting yet as it would depend how much I ended up with in my fund.

Any thoughts?

I think it's tricky. IMO you can really suggest this only when people ask you what they can get you. I don't appreciate receiving wedding lists in wedding invitations, as it assumes I'll want to buy a gift (although I always do of course!) Some people enjoy thinking up and choosing a personal gift, rather than being told what to do, so I think you have to tread quite carefully.

Enjoy the celebrations!

Thanks nancy. I really really don't want people to give me 'personal gifts' - that sounds ungrateful but I genuinely don't want any more stuff in my life and the waste distresses me.

I was just going to do the charity thing, but DH suggested the painting idea. I don't want to be a complete killjoy but if I can't find a way of doing the latter that won't offend people, I'll just set up a justgiving page and say no presents at all.

What you need to do is get DH to do it for you. Send out the invites with no mention of presents and then get DH to pass the word round to family and friends to say you had mentioned that you would really like a painting and would everyone be happy to contribute. You will probably find that most people would happily do this rather than trying to think of what to get you.

I suppose this way you prob would get cash or cheques but is that such a bad thing - you can then go and buy the painting and send thank you notes to everyone including a photo of it.

Helenx

Yeah, I suppose that might be simplest ...

I think you absolutely can't make the suggestion yourself, ie it would be wrong to put anything on the invitation about either the painting or the charity donation, but if anyone asks then you or your dh can point them in the right direction. If you do get unwanted gifts then you could return them or bay them & put the money towards the painting or charity...

But I suppose it does depend on the way you do things in your family/circle of friends...

Hmm, thanks Decorhate. Thing is, from experience I'd say no one is likely to ask.

It was the same with my 40th franch. I'd got dh trained up on what to say when people asked but...they didn't generally!

I think your best bet is to put "no presents please" on the invitations and you may get a bit of a response of "What?!!! No presents? What can we get you?" Cue - donations please...or you may just not get anything, but hopefully have a nice party anyway.

Thanks nancy! Yes maybe I should just stick to 'no presents please'. I genuinely don't mind if I get nothing! Would be nice if I could maximise the charity donations though - is that really an offensive thing to suggest upfront?

You could put the charity logo on the invitation and observant friends will pick up on it!

Do you think it's rude though to ask for charity donations? I can't imagine being offended by a suggestion that I might like to give a few quid to struggling girls in Africa rather than shelling out for a bottle of wine or something, but am genuinely interested to know if it would be a complete faux pas.

Though there's definitely a side of me that doesn't mind committing a faux pas if it means someone in need will benefit. And which doesn't care what people who are not on my wavelength think ...

The painting fund is another matter - wasn't my idea anyway and if people will be offended by it I'm more than happy to drop it - or to keep it for anyone who actually enquires.

If it's good enough for Will and Kate ...

And Cancer Research have got it all organised ...

i have been to a number of 40th birthdays recently where we have been told no presents, but if you really want to then donations please to XYZ charity. I thought it was completely fine and very thoughtful. Most people obeyed. In most cases, I dont think this was on the invitation itself, but we generally also received an email or accompaying letter with more details about the event (friends are quite scattered around the country these days so there tend to be quite complicated arrangements and suggestions of places to stay), and the no present/charity thing has been on that.
Actually, once one person said this, pretty much everyone else in the same group of friends has followed suit.

I dont think there is any polite way to ask for donations towards a painting, although if it was a very close friend i really would not mind.

Some ideas here ...

Thanks timetomove, I'm glad it's not completely out of the question.

I'd probably do the whole party as a charity fundraising thing, with a mention of it being your birthday, rather than a birthday party with a charity add-on.

Does that make any sense? So people would see it in the same way as a Macmillan Coffee Morning rather than a party where they are asked for money.

You have inspired me actually, I sponsor a girl through Plan and I've just been looking at Because I Am A Girl. I'm going to arrange a fundraising Girl's Night In www.becauseiamagirl.org/Fundraise.aspx for my birthday now . Thank you

Hi Franch
Just came across your post...and thought as I'm involved with whatidlove.co.uk I'd get in touch....hope you don't mind!

At whatidlove if you set up a contributions list you do have to add something in the Item field, but you can be vague and put say "a painting by xxxxx artist". You will have to put in a target amount, but it doesn't have to be accurate.

You can also add (on the same list) a donation to "xxxxxx" charity for those who want to give to a charity.

The list works so that at any time you can "claim" the money. This closes the contribution facility, but when you claim, whatidlove transfers the money direct into your bank account so you can buy the item.

So you are able to then change your mind on which painting you'd like and depending on the amount you have raised.

We find alot of our users have a close friend or husband or family member involved in telling friends and family about the big birthday present that people can contribute towards...it is usually a very sucessful way of spreading the word. They only need the list number.

Hope this helps