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Parties/celebrations

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Original poster

Know I'm being unreasonable, but would you do the same?

27 replies

freakyzebra · 09/10/2005 09:34

DS is having a (6th) birthday party next month. There are 3 boys that DS is very friendly with and would choose to invite... but I don't want to. Because they all had their own "big" birthday parties in the last 9 months but did not invite DS (they also came to DS's party last year). I don't know why DS wasn't invited to their parties.

DH says, he's probably right, I should invite whoever DS wants to his party. But I just don't think I can bring myself to give those boys (2 of whom are otherwise quite nice lads) an invite.

I doubt very much that DS will notice on the day if they aren't there.

Just wondered if anybody else would feel/do the same as me!? Or do you all rise above petty resentments...

OP posts:
philippat · 09/10/2005 09:40

personally rubbish at holding grudges - in fact would not remember who had invited and who not - so I'd go with inviting everyone. Do you mind if your ds grows up being a grudge-holder?

rey · 09/10/2005 09:43

Know how you feel, but would invite them thereby showing parents no grudge and son gets to have the kids at his party that he wants, please your son not others!

zippitippitoads · 09/10/2005 09:43

I think I'd have difficulty remebering who had been to who's and done what, to be honest..I'm not really that bothered about these things. i just let it all run the course and kids (and their parents) are so fickle anyway. Not so much rising above it as take it as it comes

marne · 09/10/2005 09:44

I would invite them if thats what ds wants even though i wouldnt be happy about it.

suzywong · 09/10/2005 09:46

Yes I agree with the others, let dear little DS have his mates to his party, you can always give the mothers a cup of tea in a cup the cat has licked when they come to pick up their kids and snicker to yourself

ScreamEagle · 09/10/2005 10:07

When your son is a teenager and has friends you don't approve of, will you want to ban them from his parties then as well?

Let him have who he likes - this time next year you never know he may have completely changed his set of friends and have forgotten these particular friends - kids are so fickle!

paolosgirl · 09/10/2005 10:16

DS was recently left out of a (small) party that one his close friends had - he was devastated, still doesn't know why, because they played every day before then and still do now. DS's birthday is in the next few weeks, and he wants this other little boy to come to his (it will also be a small one). It absolutely sticks in my throat to invite him, but I guess I'm going along with the attitude of letting DS invite who he wants to invite. Not happy about it, though...

triceratops · 09/10/2005 10:23

Is the party a way of getting invites to other parties or is it a day for your ds to enjoy? I would invite them if he wants them to be there.

He might not notice on the day but as he/you were presumably hurt by the lack of invite to their parties so it would be reasonable to assume that they will be hurt by being left out of his party. You can't punish the kids for the guest lists that their mums wrote can you?

HRHWickedwaterwitch · 09/10/2005 13:10

I'd invite them I think.

moondog · 09/10/2005 13:19

Invite them-rise above pettiness and make the others feel small/ I still remember the horrors of boarding school birthday teas when for once,you had a whole table to yourself and your friends.
The plotting and bitching that went on for weeks beforehand about who was in/out,who sat where and so on was unbelievable!

Anyone and everyone is welcome to my kids' parties (when I can be bothered to have one!)

Freckle · 09/10/2005 13:22

Another way of looking at is that the other mothers will have to buy your ds a present when you didn't have to buy one for theirs .

gigglinggoblin · 09/10/2005 13:29

i would invite them purely so they feel bad about not inviting ds. although the official reason would be because i am rising above it

SoupDragon · 09/10/2005 13:31

IMO, it's not your party so you don't get to choose who comes

peckarollover · 09/10/2005 13:32

I would invite them -maybe at their parties he wasnt chosen that time because they werent as friendly or whatever. If it would please DS for them to be there - ask them!

Makes you the bigger person instead of tit for tat on birthday invites!

tigermoth · 09/10/2005 13:46

Depends how big your party is. If only 4 or 5 children are coming, I would feel like you, Zebra, and think twice about inviting boys whose parents don't reciprocate invites.

Sadly, at the age of 6, children are dependent on their parents for cementing friendships outside school. It is parents or carers to do the hosting of playdates and parties and lifts to and from other peoples houses.

If you get strong vibes that the parents of any of these three boys can't be a**ed to to encourage a friendship with your son, then I too would wriggle out of inviting them, somehow. If you son is having a small party, he needs to feel he is inviting children who are 'best friends' - those he will see away from school from time to time. I'd invite children whose parents you know will issue invites to your son, offer playdates, etc etc, otherwise, a few months on, your son might feel hurt that 3 out of his 4 party guests have not wanted to see him again.

Ignore all this if you are inviting lots of children to your party. In that case, just grin and bear it and do what suzywong suggests with the tea.

bosscat · 09/10/2005 14:08

I feel the opposite to you tbh. my ds1 was not invited to what felt like loads of parties this year. Nothing personal in it, just a case of numbers etc and he was only a part timer at nursery. THis year he's in a new class and has one of the first birthdays (January). I am deliberately inviting the whole class even though I know this is unlikely to happen with anyone else and its costing me loads. I just can't be the one who leaves someone out even though I'm going to need valium at the end of the day. Don't leave them out it would be really mean.

expatinscotland · 09/10/2005 14:12

The party's for the children, not you or their parents. Besides, those boys might not even come. I'd invite them, b/c it is what your son wants.

expatinscotland · 09/10/2005 14:13

Good on you, bosscat! My primary school had a rule that if you issued invitations to a party on school property, you had to invite the entire class.

jamiesam · 09/10/2005 14:22

I know it's different because he's only 4, but ds1 keeps asking me why one of his friends from nursery didn't come to his recent party. We could only invite a small number of children from nursery (we had 20 children in the house as it was) - and as it happens, her name never featured when I quizzed him about who he wanted to invite. I wouldn't hesitate to invite her next year if he wanted to - but it might mean that somebody else wouldn't get an invite? Nothing personal in whether or not she gets an invite - partly down to who he plays with most in the period running up to writing the invites and , well, not everyone makes the cut, given that the party is only in our house.

netter · 09/10/2005 22:35

At the nursery dd goes to the teachers more or less decide who to invite (you give them the number of children you can accomodate and they write a list for you based on who they feel your child is most friendly with).

Dd was invited to a party last weekend which I felt was a bit strange as it turned out to be a fairly new boy who is in another group to dd.

ScarySkribble · 09/10/2005 23:56

Perhaps their parties weren't that big, I have no idea what parties go on apart from the ones my kids are invited to. Maybe they were just family affairs. At 6 I am sure he will be very aware who is at his party.

DD has just had her 6th I said "right name 4 boys and 4 girls". Luckly the 2 recent parties she went to were on her list so I didn't need to worry if i should invite them.

Tortington · 10/10/2005 00:36

i would invite them to pizza hut and then have the party at my house.

ScarySkribble · 10/10/2005 00:48

Pizza hut is enough don't take them home as
well .

Tortington · 10/10/2005 01:44

no i meant tell them the party is at pizza hut but have the party at home - was meant to be bitchy rather than serious - but was demonstrating how i feel much the same as you, however the right thing to do would be to invite the boys

ScarySkribble · 10/10/2005 01:47

Get you now .

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