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Talk

Parties/celebrations

Whether you're planning a birthday or a hen do, you'll find plenty of ideas for your celebration on our Party forum.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

Cost of birthday pressure

12 replies

Kimjah · 04/08/2010 17:34

My friends have been talking about the cost of birthdays being way too high, and kids feeling the pressure to have big-deal, high cost parties and presents. Is it time we brought birthdays back to the essentials? shouldn't the kids be having fun and feeling special, not feeling under pressure to keep up with their mates?

OP posts:

BelligerentGhoul · 04/08/2010 17:36

Why should this be a campaign? You don't HAVE to have an expensive party or present. You are allowed to say 'no' you know.

LynetteScavo · 04/08/2010 17:42

I have 3 DC....the eldest is 11yo.

None of them have ever felt under pressure to keep up with their mates.

I've never found the cost of birthdays "way to high" because I only spend what I can afford.

LynetteScavo · 04/08/2010 17:43

What are the essentials for a birthday, anyway?

Ragwort · 04/08/2010 17:47

Totally agree with Belligerent and Lynette - we never do 'high cost' parties, the most I have done is hire a village hall and run 'old fashioned party games' - which children seem to love. I refuse to do party bags. Sometimes I have taken three or four friends swimming (not hired the whole pool) and then back to watch a DVD with some popcorn. Don't allow your children (or yourself) to get caught up in this sort of pressure - the same as not having to buy fashionable clothes or electronic gadgets - I am sure my DS is the only child in the school with no electronic games, consols or whatever they are caused.

One friend recently said 'I love coming to your house as we play old fashioned board games' - he comes from a home with every imaginable electronic gadget going ..... sorry, a bit off subject.

LutyensCBA · 04/08/2010 18:18

No high-cost parties here either. DD has had 4 parties; 2 of them at home and 2 in a church hall. Traditional games, craft and colouring, sandwiches and nibbles, cake and party bag and off they go home. Never spent more than £100-150 for each party.

In fact, I foresee that the parties will get even more minimal as dd grows up as she will want to have just 4-5 special friends over for a movie or for a sleepover. I look forward to that day

Parties really don't have to be high-cost, you know. The only OTT party I've been to was one where three girls shared a party, so there were 3 sets of parents who could divide up the effort and cost between them.

Bunbaker · 04/08/2010 18:27

Like everyone else here I have never felt pressured to have fancy birthday parties for DD. When she was in reception/year 1 most parties were at soft play places. I did two soft play parties for her then whittled the invitees down to 6 once she was seven and have had small tea parties at home ever since. This year just DD and I went to Build a Bear to spend birthday money, then we went to Yo Sushi. DD thought it was the best birthday ever.

compo · 04/08/2010 18:29

Just be firm and say no
no need for a campaign
if you work perhaps you could do an assertiveness course

LynetteScavo · 04/08/2010 18:35

I have heard of some OTT parties on Mumsnet, but I've my DC have never been invited to one. Shame really.

Ball pit parties can be expensive, but also oh so dull.

I think parents these days are scared of doing traditional parties with pass the parcel and musical bumps. Especially in their own home.

Original poster

Kimjah · 04/08/2010 19:41

I suppose it all started because one of my pals had to put her foot down and say no to a limo to take her daughter to the school dance. So it got me thinking and I had a google and saw this - www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1279839/Parents-pressure-splash-500-childrens-birthday-parti es.html

and it strick a chord, so just wondered if anyone else out there felt the same.

OP posts:

Oldjolyon · 04/08/2010 21:07

Personally, I've never come across rivalry in parties at all.

I guess my DDs do have "big" parties, but then I figure I don't spend money on presents, DD's main birthday present will cost me £20 max. She'll only get a couple of little extras too.

To me, when I was a child we didn't have lots of money, so we didn't get lots of presents - but we did have fab parties - because excellent parties don't need lots of money, just lots of imagination! Now that I have so many wonderful childhood memories to look back on, I know that I'd rather spend the money on a fab party, which my child will treasure forever than a few £30 Wii games that will be forgotten about a few months down the line. It seems to be working too - last year, when I asked DD (then 5) what she wanted for her 6th birthday, she told she didn't really mind, because "birthdays aren't really about presents are they mum?"

So yes, I spend quite a lot on parties, but I don't feel the pressure to, and I don't care what other parents do - I only care whether I have given my child some fab memories of her 4/5/6.... birthday for her to treasure forever. So long as I do that I'm happy, whether that costs £50, or £250.

Probably wouldn't want to spend £500 though!

MNHQ

OliviaMumsnet · 04/08/2010 21:10

Hi there
FYI I've moved this out of MN campaigns and into parties and celebrations.
HTH
MNHQ

paisleyleaf · 04/08/2010 21:17

I've managed to avoid getting caught up with any competitive, high cost partying easily enough and DD doesn't seem to feel she's lacking in anything.
Surely if you and your friends are all of a same mind it won't be any problem to cut back on whatever it is you're doing at the moment.

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