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Parents of adult children

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A room of one's own?

7 replies

Alex4646 · 10/06/2026 18:23

I live in a big and beautiful house, owned by my partner. We share another house elsewhere, and we're in a good long term relationship. This is the first time in my whole life that I've lived in somebody else's house, and its been a challenge! Eg. I can't change anything.
While I have respectful and kind children, one of his behaves as though its "their" house. This person does not live here, and lives on and off away from home in different countries or university. But has turned up, despite significant stress, expecting to just live here again. I try to find quiet space to work, read, relax, watch TV or listen to music - but everywhere I go, partner or the stepchild turn up. The fridge gets decimated. Things get moved, hidden, sometimes destroyed. Age is 25. Partner wants to placate all the time and gives them money. Worries about their mental health, a legitimate concern. His communication, and the step child's, is terrible - towards me. I am CRAVING my own space! I have proposed family counselling or mediation to help them understand how ill this is making me. Help me please! - are there any others in this situation!

OP posts:
CelticSilver · 10/06/2026 18:25

I'd go and live in the other house and revisit living together later.

CyrtainFlop · 10/06/2026 18:27

I don't think you can. It's one of the big challenges of blended families and living in another person's house. It is still his child's home. You need to choose whether this way of life is for you - i don't think you can expect them to change.

2msoundsright · 10/06/2026 18:28

Did this child live there previously? If so, it's likely it will always feel like their home to them, and that would generally be a good thing although obviously not if it makes you so uncomfortable.

It might be better to live apart, or else sell this house and buy one together- that would make it easier to set different ground rules.

Naurrr · 10/06/2026 18:35

Are you on the deeds of the other house? (Asking just because being dependent on someone for housing, with no marriage contract, is precarious)
If the house belongs to his/her father alone, it seems like it is his/her home?

The home owner is happy with how things are. You get to choose how you want to proceed- your own peaceful property and financial security, or keep putting up with how things are.

Nothing wrong with living separately and enjoying dating, if he's otherwise an excellent boyfriend.

User22222222 · 10/06/2026 18:40

This is the child of the owner of this property.

The owner is perfectly happy with their adult child treating his / their home as such

If you have an issue with it - move out

User22222222 · 10/06/2026 18:41

While I have respectful and kind children, one of his behaves as though it’s "their" house.

ok

parietal · 10/06/2026 18:45

For a university student, their childhood home is still “home”. You can’t kick them out or expect guest-level behaviour.

you could ask your DP if there is one room that could be your study/office/craft room that you could retreat to for peace and quiet. But you can’t police the child’s behaviour.

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