Supporting adult DD with dating

[Needanadultgapyear]

I am very close to DD (22)). She had a bad relationship at 17 not dated since. She would like to date again.
She was due to go on a date the other day at 6pm the man messaged her at 5.30pm to say he was going to be late and then she heard nothing by 9pm so she blocked him.
Previously had two dates and then he got flaky and a third kept setting up date and then being to busy at work.
DD is pretty ( other people tell me this) she is fun and funny, she is a bigger curvy girl, but to a certain extent she has chosen this to be her casting type for her career. She is fit she goes to the gym 4 times a week and teaches dance 4 times a week.
We talk about this on the phone as she lives away and she would just like to meet some nice. She has other close friends including her flat mate so they talk to.

She is currently using tinder ( which is how I meet DH so I know it’s problems) she says hinge is just full of people who went to the same college as her. I suggested Bumble she said no one her age uses it. Of course I want to run out and find her a lovely person. I don’t know what else to say.

You sound overinvested in your grown Daughter's life.

Ah that’s really hard OP but I’d empower her rather than try and navigate this for her, it’s really important for her confidence surely to know she has the capacity to do this herself. Just listen, don’t try and fix, as hard as that can feel at times.
shes still young, the worst thing to do would be to rush and put alot of pressure on meeting someone, she needs to make the most of being young and free and building her sense of self up x

I do try to stand on the sidelines listening and not getting involved. Last night I suggested the other apps as she said she just wanted to meet people and see what happens, but she felt she wasn’t even getting to meet them. She does go out with her friends to pubs and clubs, but no one seems to approach anyone this way any more.
But in general I stay away from giving advice I just listen.
I am invested in that I want her to be happy, but I am not living my life through her. I have a good job in senior leadership with plenty to occupy my time.

Not sure you can do anything- my DD (gay) has also had some awful dating experiences so it’s not just blokes.
She’s come off the apps now, I advised to go to lesbian bars. She’s hoping to meet someone IRL - it has happened before - is giving it 6 months & then back to the Apps. It’s really a numbers game re the apps - and it always seems there’s someone better round the corner. In my day if you were asked out you didn’t have immediate access to numerous other potentials.

Why is ahe so desperate maybe she needs to learn to be happy in and by herself first

And stay out of it totally

Wanting a boyfriend at 22 hardly makes someone desperate.

I’d just listen and encourage her to be open to opportunities in real life at work or gym. Does she like going away or travelling.

Dating apps can be soul destroying. My advice to my DD would be to start three new things: new sport, new hobby, new part time job. Social things that both sexes like: pickle ball, am dram, surfing, whatever. (Apparently birding is cool now with 20 somethings!)

Honestly, it sounds like she's doing everything right. Dating apps can be brutal, especially at her age when a lot of people are flaky or not looking for anything serious.

The fact that she blocked the guy who left her waiting for hours shows she has good boundaries and self-respect. I'd just keep reminding her that these men's behaviour isn't a reflection of her worth. She only needs one good one, and thankfully the time-wasters tend to weed themselves out quite quickly.

How can Hinge only have her former college people on it? Her settings must be really specific it that’s the case! Expand them!

No advice OP but you have my sympathy. My DD is 19 and has never dated despite being sociable, fun and attractive. She has plenty of interests, mainly sports and has always gone out and joined in, far more so than her school friendship group, all of whom have boyfriends. She has just spent her first year at university, joined sports societies, played matches and joined in the socials as well as going out regularly with flat mates and friends, but not even a whiff of any relationship. As a PP said, this generation just don't seem.to approach each other in person which is sad. I can't see my DD going on the apps, as she has said she would'nt, but I fear it may be the only way for her going forward. She is coming home for summer shortly and I foresee another summer of her asking her friends to go out but they are all "too busy" with their boyfriends so she ends up feeling lonely, even though she does go out all the time and occupy herself with her sports and hobbies.

My dd is younger than yours and met her bf on Bumble - seems it's popular with 20+ so could be worth a try. Gives more control to the women.

That's a lovely post. You're a caring mum, and your daughter sounds like a lovely girl. She'll meet someone when she's least expecting it. I met my wife when I was 40, and married at 47. Tell her just to give it time and patience.
❤

Sadly at work most people are under 18 as she teaches musical theatre evenings and weekends to kids. Plus she goes to the gym in most peoples working hours as she is working when most People go to the gym.
I have suggested expanding her radius that initially went down like a lead ballon, but maybe with using bumble that might sink in after a while.
She is not desperate, but she would like someone to go out with and have fun with.
She is waiting to be allocated to a cruise contract so she said today maybe there she will meet more people.

Maybe switch gym time to early morning?
I’d imagine working somewhere like a cruise ship would be a great opportunity to meet people. My dd did Camp America and described the counselor training week with the boys camp like a bad episode of love island.

If she’s waiting for a cruise contract then I wouldn’t worry. Even if she doesn’t meet someone to date she will meet lots of other young people working on the ship and have a great time.