Adult child posted about past medical episode online and I feel hurt

[Green7712]

My child has posted something on TikTok which is their version of a serious medical episode they had a few years ago. Much of it is factual. Some of it is their recall. M actions are absolutely slated by their wording and the responses in the comments. Much as the comments of a thousand or so strangers shouldn’t bother me, they do. How do I rise above? I have removed the app but still feeling hurt as to how I’m portrayed even though I realise that’s clearly what my child believes. It’s very challenging when my memory is something different and they don’t necessarily know I’ve seen it and been impacted by the negativity.

I would want to talk to them I think

Surely it's something along the lines of letting them know that you've seen it, you were shocked and worried when you realised how they felt about that situation because you had read it quite differently and would never knowingly or recklessly hurt them? And that you are sorry that they had such a shit time and would they like to talk about it?

Sure, it’s easy to pass comments when it’s anonymous! Those strangers don’t know the full nuances of what actually happened or what advice you received at the time or your mental health or whatever else was going on.. neither does your child..

Ouch, that must have been really hard to see. I think you need to manage your own reaction without invalidating their recollection of the incident, though. It’s their own story, their own memories and their own social media, so it wouldn’t be right to make them feel guilty about telling what they consider to be the truth. If you are going to talk to them about it, I would wait until you are feeling less emotional.

I’d probably say something along the lines of hey I saw your video about x, that’s not how I thought it went at the time, but I’m sorry to hear that’s how it felt to you, can we talk about it?

Tell them you've seen the video and you had no idea that they had seen things this way. Ask if they're open to talking about it. Maybe it's an opportunity to create more closeness and connection.

My concern would be less that they posted it online, and more that they felt negatively about what I did at the time. People can remember things very differently so I’d want to speak to them about it, discuss your memory and theirs (and not with the attitude that they are misremembering and you’re correct), and see if you can both understand each other.