Am I overreacting?

[notgreatinhere]

Young adult DS is out at a gig today. Called me earlier, clearly having had a few drinks. Some chit chat and then asked me to do something for him later (buy him more alcohol and deliver it somewhere). I said no, that I’m not going out today.

He responded by telling me that’ll be remembered next time I ask to get in his car (I asked him for a lift the other week when my car was off the road, but didn’t need it in the end) and he hung up. No goodbye, love you, as normal.

Last week he wanted to record me doing some silly gesture for Snapchat. Again, I said no, as I didn’t know what it meant. He walked away, calling me a loser quite emphatically. No alcohol involved then.

I do plenty for him, both when he asks me to, and without him having to ask, and there’s very little asked of him around the house, and very little offered.

I just feel a bit hurt by both of these recent examples. It feels manipulative, but I’m sure if I bring it up tomorrow, I’ll be told I can’t take a joke.

Am I being oversensitive?

He sounds pretty terrifying. Threatening his mother for not bowing down to his demand. God in fearful for future partners of his

How old is he?
assume over 18
he sound demanding and obnoxious

Last week he wanted to record me doing some silly gesture for Snapchat. Again, I said no, as I didn’t know what it meant. He walked away, calling me a loser quite emphatically.

I mean, wtf

Op seriously - somewhere along the line this person was allowed to treat you with utter disrespect and now you have an adult man who sounds utterly vile, and no doubt specifically to women

You need to have a chat with him and explain how badly he’s coming off with this behaviour, before he does it again. Come at it calmly and from a position of empathy- but also be clear that you won’t be manipulated.

He is trying to bully you OP.
Well done you for standing your ground.

I agree with@ClaredeBear that you need to talk to him about his attitude towards you and about acceptable behaviour.

Wow, thank goodness you put your foot down this time. He sounds vile, ungrateful and spoilt. I think you probably need to put your foot down far far more than you have been.

He’s a young adult

this will be the accumulation of years of shitty disrespect to his mother.

He does sound a bit obnoxious. Tbf a lot of kids can be in teens / early 20s. You are right to say no sometimes.

You might be right. That being the case, at what stage do you suggest she tackles the issue?

Did he pay for his own car, the lessons, the insurance, the petrol? If not, I think I’d be suggesting he does from now on.

Thing is…. It’s something that begins at birth

This man sounds misogynistic and profoundly unpleasant. Basically threatening his mother that he won’t do something unless he delivers booze to him NOW.

and name calling… just awful.

so if the op genuinely wants to change this - it is going to require some serious guts. Essentially changing the pattern of a lifetime.

as For approach, it depends on the situation ie does he live under your roof @notgreatinhere ?

My dc are in their 20's and 30's, they wouldn't ever speak to me like that.

Do you pull him up on being so rude?

Tell him to sod off and youre not deliveroo!! Lack of planning on his part doesnt make it an emergency on yours! And its very entitled behaviour and he cant make demands of you. Remember who you are!! His mother...Tell him to watch his damn tone and stay in his lane...this works for me. A short sharp...hell no...not on my shift mate

I can truly say this is not the case. He was great as a child and all through high school. Obedient and loving. It was only me and him in the house, and he really never gave me any trouble, bar the odd teenage sulk. But even that was few and far between .

He works full time and covers his own car expenses and phone, and pays me dig money.

Time for him to move out Id say.

So if he disrespects you like this, you say that if it continues he will need to move out.

Last week he wanted to record me doing some silly gesture for Snapchat. Again, I said no, as I didn’t know what it meant. He walked away, calling me a loser quite emphatically. No alcohol involved then.

so the first time he has name called you so disrespectfully?