How do you handle it when your DC is in a relationship that concerns you?
DD19 is in her 2nd year of Uni 3 hours away. In 1st year she dated a girl who lives in our home city for about 8 months. It was a very intense relationship, they spent a semester going back and forth seeing each other which concerned us because DD was missing out on a lot of Uni experiences. They spent basically every night together over the summer. As DD was preparing to return to Uni for 2nd year GF started accusing her of being flirtatious and saying maybe they should break up because DD ‘can’t be trusted’. DD very upset and wanting to stay together.
GF went to visit DD at Uni for a weekend. GF got drunk and kissed another girl in a bar in front of DD and all her Uni friends. DD felt humiliated. GF said maybe they should break up and DD agreed (I suspect this was not what GF was expecting). GF came back home then bombarded DD with messages for days. GF crying on phone and saying she couldn’t be happy with anyone else. DD refused to get back together.
For the next 6 weeks DD was absolutely loving Uni. Says it’s the happiest she’s ever been. Has planned a mid year trip with Uni friends (dropped out of a trip last year as GF couldn’t afford it), has applied for a semester abroad in 3rd year. Loads of friends, busy and happy.
She came home for the Easter break and suddenly was being cagey about where she was going (not like her). I was giving her a lift and she had her phone plugged in to play music and exGF’s name popped up on a message notification despite DD saying they weren’t in contact. Last night she had plans with Uni friends who also live here but didn’t go and was out ‘driving’ until 3am.
She’s due to go back to Uni tomorrow and I’m unsure whether to ask her about (ex?)GF or leave her to it. I’m pretty surprised if she’s got back with someone who humiliated her and dreading going back to the days of her only half invested in Uni because she’s going back and forth to see GF. I don’t want to push her closer to GF by seeming like I don’t approve but I think the relationship is bad for her. Too much guilt tripping and DD feeling she shouldn’t be enjoying herself if GF not around. DH has firmly decided GF is manipulative and controlling but is leaving it up to me to decide whether to speak to DD (bloody coward) I would love some insight from people who have been there before.
(In case timings are confusing we are in Australia- so summer has only recently ended and academic year started in Feb).