Missing the days when my children were little and life felt simpler

[ShoopShoopBaDoop]

I was a SAHM for many years (I have been back working for some time now), I can hand on heart say those years with my kids as little ones at home were the happiest times of my entire life. I miss those days very much.

My dc will turn 18 and 21 this year and I am lucky as we are close and they aren't at uni so still live at home but I have been going through some transitional times and it has left me feeling more pensive of late. I am in perimenopause (which has been very tough for one reason or another) and caring for my elderly mother who is slowly dying from Alzheimer's, my father is 85 and has started to show cognitive decline too. I am stuck between the older generation in my life dying or losing capacity (lost MIL a few years back) and the younger ones all reaching adulthood and making their own paths in life. Which is obviously how life should be but it still hits hard.

But I would give anything just to go back to those days when Cbebbies is playing in the background and I can hear my dc sweet little voices as they play a game together. I miss Christmas mornings and our Easter eggs hunts in the garden. I miss it all really.

It's life, I know, but I genuinely took no notice of older people when they told me those young years would fly by. One day they were young children, I blinked and now they are young adults.

Just one day to sit on the sofa watching In the Night Garden and a little sniff of their fluffy heads is all need right now.

I have friends, a lovely dh and a life of my own but this feeling has been building up of late and I suppose it is a kind of transitional mourning.

If you are in a similar position with older children and miss those earlier years what do you miss the most?

Honestly, I think this is really normal. And its great that you can look back and reflect and remember those happy days and wonderful times with your children.

I admit I have done this too, and still do as I am also at the same stage of life as you are with my DC both now being young adults. However I have one that lives abroad and one that is at Uni so both live away from home which I found a really tough transition.

Over the last couple of years I also lost both of my lovely parents and recently sold our family home so I have periods of reflection about my parents being alive, my childhood and the big family Christmas and those days when we would all go out together on days out when the kids were little. I reflect very often on it all.

But I also reflect and smile at those lovely early days of childhood with my girls. Cartoons at breakfast, Birthdays, Christmas, days out and summers spent in the garden, walks and picnics and snuggling up on the sofa watching movies. I miss those little hugs and cuddles so I totally get this.

Its very difficult transitioning from one stage of life to another and sometimes you don't realise how amazing those stages are until you are through them and look back on them.

Sometimes I long for my kids to be little again and to just hear those little voices and the playful noises, but I also wish for one more day with my parents, my Mum especially.

I am very lucky to have a great relationship with my adult children and a lovely husband who I adore. I know there are many wonderful times to come and memories to make.

I think that one day we will look back on how things are right now and feel the same.

I’m sorry, I hope you don’t mind me commenting as I’m currently in the little kids stage (3 year old and expecting another this year), but I just wanted to say you sound like such a lovely mum and person. I know it’s only one post but just reading it made me smile and feel the love!

OP I am in a very similar situation, although only one parent left (also in cognitive decline) and both my DCs moved out within months of one another so it was a very upsetting time, and though they are only half an hour away, they have busy lives and I miss them being around.

I work with a young adult with SEN who loves ITNG and every time I hear the theme tune I get a lump in my throat as I remember sitting on the sofa watching it with my babies as part of our wind down to bed.

How I would love to go back to those days, I loved the soft play, the zoo trips, the long school holidays when life was so much simpler for them and I could solve all their problems with a kiss, a plaster and a packet of Pom Bears, whereas now they are navigating work issues, running a home and managing relationships.

As they say when the kids are young, the days and nights are long but the years are short.

I hear you @ShoopShoopBaDoop

My dc are a bit younger than yours at 18 and 15. But since ds turned 18, I’ve had a similar experience. I love the people they are now. They are caring, bright, funny, hardworking people and they make me very happy and proud each day.

But, by goodness, I miss their little hands holding mine. The endless episodes of Thomas and Friends, the wooden train tracks spread across the living room rug. The days out to watch the “Steamies”. Blimey, this stage of parenting is tough.

Mine is 12 and I miss the little years so much. He’s off it for the day on his bike with his buddies and a packed lunch, having a fantastic time, as he should be. I work term time and im
missing him. I’d never let him know though, it’s not his burden. I hear you x