How often do you see your adult DC?

[Strumpetpumpet]

If your young adult DC have moved out but still live locally, how often do you see them?

just curious. DD (20) still lives at home (allegedly!) but is rarely here. She wants to move into a house share with friends but they’re struggling to find somewhere affordable so it’s a slow process.

DH says we’ll probably see more of her when she moves out! I’m not convinced so wondered what is “normal” these days?
We get on fine but I wouldn’t say we’re close - DD had mental health problems exacerbated by covid and this combined with normal teenage behaviour she seemed to find my mere existence irritating for years. We seem to be over that now but she obviously prefers to be with her BF and friends.

Sounds normal to me. They tend to get in touch when something is wrong or they need money.

I see more of my son since he started breeding. Before that he was off doing his own thing.

I have 4 adult DC. Three live locally. One lives very close by and I see him a couple of times a week and his wife most days but that’s because their dog stays in our house while they’re at work as we get home at lunchtime and have more space. We do get on very well though. My DD1 lives about 10 miles away and I see her about once a week. DD2 shares a house with friends and usually comes home 1-2 nights/week mainly to see the dog and her friends who live near us but we’re very close also.
My DS who is not local (a one hour flight away) we see every 2-3 months, either he comes home or we visit him. My other DC visit him too. Not sure how typical this is.

In-person every few weeks plus weekly family zoom calls and frequent WhatsApp messages.

Of course a 20 year old woman prefers to be with her BF and friends! That's how it should be, and I'd be worried if she didn't feel that way.
OP, don't you remember being 20?
Please don't be a clingy mother, just be glad that she's ready to live an independent life.

yes I get that, I was genuinely just wondering what “normal” looks like these days! DS is also back home working locally after graduating but he’s around much more than DD and is willing to socialise or spend time with us occasionally when his schedule allows!
He also manages to put the washing machine on/empty the dishwasher occasionally which DD seems incapable of…

Dd lives about 10 mins away and I see her once a week for dinner but we do WhatsApp in between.

DS lives 20 mins away.

If his sports team is playing at home/nearish we will go and watch them play on a Saturday - but only chat for a bit afterwards. Probably every other week he comes over for Sunday supper.

Mine live about 2 hours away and I see them every six weeks on average.

My DC haven't reached this stage yet, but when I was in my 20s and living fairly close to my parents I didn't see them often - once every few weeks. I spoke to them regularly on the phone. Then when I had kids I suddenly wanted to see them often!

I have two adult DS's.

One went to Uni and never came home! He lives around 35 miles away but work in retail, long days, and never gets the same two days off together. When he does he's normally sleeping/chilling. I prob see him every couple of months.

Other DS moved out around 5 years ago now. We had a fractious relationship for a couple of years so I didn't really see him. He now lives 5 mins walk away and I go round after I finish work once a week (on his day off) for a cuppa and a catch up.

Being DS's, they aren't the best at communicating, but know where I am if they need me and likewise in return.

I saw my mum 1 - 2 times a week when I moved out at age 23.

One DC lives 250 miles away. See them 4 or 5 times a year

One lives at home, the other at the end of the country. Probably see him three times a year, maybe more if he’s London and can pop home for the weekend. However, FaceTime him every week.

Your post isn’t giving “clingy”, OP.

I have learnt that depending on what’s going on at the time, contact with adult children can vary significantly. Proximity, grandchildren, work, dogs, illness, etc, can change things quite suddenly. Just being there is the thing.

I see my mum twice a year usually for 4-6 days at a time but we usually call every week/fortnightly.

Mine was living away at Uni for 3 years and I would see her maybe once a month or so. Always very busy. She's recently moved into an apartment with her boyfriend about 10 mins away. I see her slightly more often - in the last few weeks she's started a pt job very close by so she will pop in for a bit. We message most days though. She's often asking for practical advice, or cash :) She's doing a Masters so we are still contributing until the summer. Planning to move back to UK though whilst she will stay here. I feel quite sad about it, but not a million miles away.

In my 20s I still lived at home, but like your daughter was out most of the time, stayed over at my boyfriend's multiple nights a week etc.

Now I'm in my mid-30s, live 1.5h from my parents, but see my mum on average 2x a month. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Talk to her almost daily.

PILs live 2h away, we probably see them on average every 6-8 weeks. DH facetimes them with the kids every few weeks.

Thanks everyone - obviously a wide range of what’s “normal”! It’s been a long time since I was 20 so it’s good to hear different experiences x

DSD 28 - lives 3 hours away, messages DH several times daily, facetimes DH every week, we see her every 2/3 months, she is very good at planning in time to see DH / us

DS 27 - lives half an hour away, pops in randomly if he is in the area, probably see him 3 times a month, but he will commit to a meal out etc if I ask him to keep a date free

DSD 25 - lives 2 hours away, sporadic contact unless she is after money , goes quiet for weeks on end and then will announce that she is coming to visit that weekend

DD - 22 lives 20 minutes away, messages several times a day, usually see her at least once a week, often more, makes regular plans to meet up to do stuff

When I was in my 20s I would go weeks without contact with my parents (despite loving them very dearly, just basically selfish and only interested in my own life) but would then just rock up at their house expecting them to drop everything and be delighted to see me

I have a 20 year old still at home or away at uni. We are very close s I see her every day she’s here and we normally chat or text several times a week when she’s at uni.
I also have a 22 year old son who has lived on his own din e 18, more that my DD and I moved fir her sixth form and he decided to stay where we were. I see him at lesser once a month, either going down to see him for a couple nights or him up to see me. We text most days too, sometimes just a ‘hiya work’s busy’ to more involved communication.

I usually see my Mum and Dad at least once a week, sometimes more often. They live a 4 minute drive/20 minute walk from my house. I have 2 younger brothers. My middle brother lives about 25 drive away but can go months between visits and tends to stick to visits related to events - parents birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Mother’s/Father’s Day etc. My youngest brother is 10 minutes drive away and sees them more regularly as they look after my niece one day a fortnight and he does the drop off/pick up at their house. Sadly, I’m not entirely convinced he’ll sustain that level of contact after September when my niece starts school.

I have 3 adult DC. My DD lives 150 miles away and typically I see her 4-5 times a year. DD, Sil and 2 dgs's did come on holiday with us for a week last year too. My eldest DS lives 127 miles away. I see him and his gf 7 times a year. They visit me 3 times and I visit him 4 times a year. The visits are usually overnight stays due to distance. My youngest ds lives about a mile from me. He often pops by on Wednesday for lasagna night. He invites me to dinner one night every week. He's a great cook. We sometimes meet up for a breakfast out or a coffee too. He's not at home in week to receive parcels so he often has them delivered to my house and he will pop by to collect after he finishes work. I have really good relationships with all my adult DC. My youngest ds moves home when I go on holiday as he looks after my cats and dogs for me. I look after his ca5s when he has a weekend away or goes on holiday. It works well for us both.

DS is about 15 miles away and we see him every two or three weeks.

I usually see my adult daughter a couple of times a week. More during the Easter holidays as her husband has been working and we've taken the children for days out, which has been lovely.

This has been the case since we moved nearer, at her request. During the times she was establishing herself as an independent adult it has varied considerably. For years it was about once every three weeks, and sometimes longer. However we were always in touch by phone.