Hi all
i think I’m looking for a bit of advice or maybe anyone has been through similar. For context I am an only child to my mum who is 75 (I am 36 married one daughter and 2nd coming in June) my mum was an alcoholic until I was 33. She’s done everything in my childhood like spent the night in jail cells because of drunk driving to doing the whole there’s tea in my cup when it’s wine, she would constantly through my life be drunk every time I came home from school usually with van morrison playing telling me she is doing to die soon (she wasn’t) I won’t go into everything but there was a lot of trauma embarrassment and let down. Aside from this and since she has stopped drinking she just isn’t a maternal person. I had a very rough time last year my husband had a mental breakdown and instead of helloing me through it she would get more anxious, every time she seems my daughter she tells me she’s going to get pneumonia etc. recently I’ve been getting emails with all her personal information and funeral lists for when she dies which she updates regularly. I have asked her multiple times to do a wil and leave it with a solicitor. She overshares financial issues and puts it on me. She lives 30 mins away and I go to hers once a month and she tends to come to mine bi-weekly to see my daughter who she loves.
i guess the main issue is that I struggle with is I am having a hard pregnancy and i don’t have a close bond with her, well she seems to think we do but mentally I disassociate l. But she plays mind games, she gets jealous if I see my husbands family who all live about 5 mins away and are very supportive and help with dd she gives me silent treatment never asks me how I am etc even tho she knows I have a rough time with this pregnancy and looking after daughter. Anyone know how I can I guess just find peace with this? I don’t want to have it out but I find myself getting angry and thinking about it over and over and I just want to not care!