Daughter taking the Mick

[DollyBee]

I’d like to know what other people think about this..
My friend who works long hours Saturday to Tuesday in a supermarket, is looking after her 15 month old Granddaughter three days a week while her single daughter works.
She’s finding it hard and looks totally worn out, as she hasn’t one free day.
Today I mentioned it would get better when she goes to nursery and I was shocked to hear, her daughter has put her into nursery on Monday/Tuesday the two days she is off work…
I’m in disbelief and really angry that her daughter thinks this is acceptable and told my friend she should be in nursery two if the days when she has her… At least then she will have two days a week free, honestly I’m upset at how ill and tired she looks.

Just read back through this and don’t think I’ve explained very well…
My friend works Sat/Sun/Mon/Tues
Had Grandchild Wed/Thurs/Fri
Daughter works these days above but has put her Dd into nursery on Monday/Tues
while she’s not working..

I think it's ridiculous and your friend should stand up for herself and say so!

Written before your update
I think sometimes childcare by grandparents can be great in theory but there should always be a conversation about what will happen if it doesn't work out. My Mum did childcare for my sister, 3 days but had a day off in between so Monday, Wednesday, Friday. When her second child came along 5 years later, she was older and more tired so did Tuesday and Thursday only. Both children were in nursery on the other days.

Anything could happen to your friend so her daughter has to have a back up plan.

I have just seen your update, so the daughter doesn't look after her own child on the days she doesn't work and they are in nursery? Then your friend is a mug. She should have some rest days for herself. She is going to burn out.

You're right, this is odd and very unfair on your friend.

My mum and my MIL had our children 1 day a week each and I put them into a private nursery for 1 day a week each so that I could work 3 days a week. (the cost of nursery was the same per day as my income so it made a huge difference). The gaps between our children were so only the youngest would need to be in nursery.

My child/children and my responsibility.

It was lovely that the two Grans had their own time with the children, it was great for their relationships and they could fit it into their lives at the time. My mum was still working so we made sure it worked with her shifts and my MIL flexed around that. But for them to have had to do any more than 1 day a week would have been taking the piddle. Especially as they both have other grandchildren and their own friends and responsibilities.

The daughter should use the nursery days for 2 of her own work days. This set up is totally wrong.

What does your friend think? It's her opinion that matters.

So the parent doesn’t look after her child full time any day, that’s a bit sad. Your friend really just needs to tell her daughter 3 days is too much.

That really is taking the piss. Your friend needs to tell her daughter that she is going to cut down with immediate effect. If necessary, she can tell her she has been advised to do so for her health.

She might be taking the piss, but it’s your friend who needs to address it, really.

Thanks everyone, my friend is absolutely fed up with the arrangement and totally shattered all the time, she’s lost so much weight and looks ill….
I wanted to be sure I hadn’t over-reacted when I showed how shocked I was that the Dd wasn’t working on the nursery days.
Friend says she’s going to tell her Dd it’s making her ill and the nursery days should change, then she would look after Dgd only one day but be free to have her if she’s ill and can’t go to nursery and be on call for other times.
Which seems totally reasonable to me…

Thanks everyone, my friend is absolutely fed up with the arrangement and totally shattered all the time, she’s lost so much weight and looks ill….
I wanted to be sure I hadn’t over-reacted when I showed how shocked I was that the Dd wasn’t working on the nursery days.
Friend says she’s going to tell her Dd it’s making her ill and the nursery days should change, then she would look after Dgd only one day but be free to have her if she’s ill and can’t go to nursery and be on call for other times.
Which seems totally reasonable to me…

I’m not sure why you’re so angry at the daughter. Your friend agreed to it (and probably offered- you only have one side of the story) so why is that her daughter’s fault? And whose business is it if the grandchild goes to nursery when the mother is off? It’s certainly not yours, and I’m not sure why you’ve got such a problem with it? Nursery is excellent for children and a luxury for most parents.

Odfod… I’m angry about the daughter putting the child in nursery while she is at home, without telling my friend she was booking those days.
The majority of replies agree Dd is taking the piss by doing that.
And, “whose business is it”????
Well actually it’s my friends business as she’s worn out looking after her Gc and working all the other days.
And, it’s my business to discuss it on here, so get back in your hole…