No contact with DS Ex

[rumpletumpkins]

DS is separated from the mother of his 2 kids. It was a messy break up. We have a fair bit of contact with the ex – we provide childcare twice a week and do occasional nights and step in when there is an emergency. She doesn’t have any close family. She lives near us and DS lives about 50 miles away. We interact via SM and when she drops them off etcetera.
DS has a new partner who has 3 DC of her own. He now wants us to go no contact with the ex to make the new partner feel comfortable with us and fit in.

Never had to navigate this kind of thing before. It feels unfair to the ex (who has her moments, to be fair) and also to the kids. Also feels a bit controlling of us - like we don't have any choice in this.
Anybody got experience of this? Is this usual?

Is he planning on going NC too? Or will he still see his children.

I would in no way go NC with the mother of my GC, regardless of their situation.

New GF sounds controlling or high maintenance.

I don't get why you getting on with his ex would make her uncomfortable, it's not like you are going out together all the time, and I'm sure when new GF is there with him that you are going to bleat on about how amazing his ex is.

Imagine how she is going to be with his children from said ex, how is she going to handle seeing them is they are a product of him and her.

You deserve to see your grandchildren and sounds like you do a lot for them, I don't understand people like this, just get along, no drama, they are not together, they don't want to be together, there should be no jealousy or insecurities

Wow. Dad of the year award goes to...

How awful for you OP. What a terrible position to put you in and how absolutely disgraceful that he would try to remove people who love and care for his children from from their lives. To just discard his children like they are nothing.

Tell him his request is ridiculous and that he needs to grow up. What sort of father does this. If anything the children need you even more when they have a useless waste of skin for a father.

Enjoy your grandchildren and cherish them. None of this is their choice. If he chooses to cut you off, so be it. He's a grown man. They are just innocent children and they need all the love they can get.

Beware manipulative new girlfriend... Be civil but I expect she'll be pushing to cut you off too as soon as she can. Just think, what sort of woman would be happy to be in a relationship with a man who can drop his kids without a second thought.

Your son is basically asking you to ditch a couple of vulnerable kids for him. To make it worse its his own kids he wants you to treat badly!

Your son should be ashamed. He is putting his own twisted thinking and another woman and her children ahead of his own. Surely this other mother is not supporting him with this?
Let him walk away. His children deserve better.

A man’s behaviour is never the responsibility of a women. It is only ever his responsibility.

Not only that but to replace them with a new woman and children that aren't even his.
Your DS is a disgrace OP, I'd tell him in very clear words that this isn't going to happen.
If you then don't see him it will suck but you would be doing the right thing, he's a grown ass adult who is letting his cock direct his brain!

I bet you are mortified, I feel awful for you 😔
Good for you putting your relationship with your grandkids first xx

I’m so sorry, you must be heartbroken.

Given this situation, I’d prioritise your grandchildren.

I wonder what’s making him push for this - is he hoping you’ll do childcare for the new stepchildren instead??