Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Grown up son’s Granny is dying but he’s on the other side of the world

8 replies

ThatCyanJoker · 30/01/2026 17:27

Looking for tips on how to support my adult son at this time. He is an only grandchild to my ex MIL who I’ve always remained on extremely good terms with, but who has reached her 80s, and now not expected to live much longer (in hospital).
DS is devastated that he can’t be here - he lives in New Zealand with his wife and young family, and practicalities make it impossible for him to just ‘get here’. Aside from my own sadness, it was heartbreaking to hear how terribly upset he was on our call today. He is not the type to kick up a drama and his feelings come from the heart. He is full of regret that he hasn’t seen her for a few years (although called her religiously for a chat at the same time each week for years).
Im sure most parents reading this will comprehend how your adult child’s difficulties weigh heavily on your own mind.
However this isn’t about me, and I’m just reaching out to ask if anyone else has experienced similar, or if anyone has any tips on how I can support given the enormous geographical distance between us.
Many thanks x

OP posts:
Alwaystired23 · 30/01/2026 17:28

Would a video call with you, and his grandmother help?

ThatCyanJoker · 30/01/2026 17:31

Thank you, yes we did that today and that helped a bit but he is just so full of sorrow that he hasn’t been here the last few years and ultimately, at the very end…

OP posts:
JacknDiane · 30/01/2026 17:34

God that's a difficult one. I'd say just keep doing what you're doing, supporting and listening. You sound a great mum, but it must be hard having your boy so far away. Especially nowFlowers

Topseyt123 · 30/01/2026 17:47

My SIL (DH's sister) lives in Australia and has done for around 40 years now so I have seen this happen occasionally in our family.

I know she found it very difficult whenever a close family member was approaching the end. She couldn't always make it for the last few days (practicalities like you said) but did come back on her own to visit for each of the main members' funerals. Funerals are generally a couple of weeks after the death, so that gave her time to arrange her flights etc. Not ideal I know, but could that be an option open to your DS? Sometimes it is all you can do at that distance being realistic.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 30/01/2026 17:49

I went through this a few years ago when my Mum passed away. My eldest daughter, lived abroad and could not physically be present because of covid. And also, because of covid, she hadn't been able to come over and visit her for a while so hadn't seen her in person.

Trying to deal with my own grief and support her through hers when she was not nearby was difficult. But it was hard for us both. Hard for me, as her Mum, not to be able to support her with her grief over losing her beloved Nanny, but also for her not being able to support me as she would have liked.

I agree with a PP who says, just keep doing what you are doing. Keep messaging, keep Facetiming and keep the lines of communication open. Just keep going as you are.

Can he write to her? Is there time for him to do that and get it sent to her? He may find it easier to put things in writing than saying things to her face to face on a facetime call. At least this way he gets to say the things he wants to and know his words have been heard.

Other than that, just being there for him will be such a great support in itself. If he is struggling further with his thoughts and feelings then maybe encourage him to seek bereavement counselling. It helped me immensely when I was coming to terms with my Mums death. It will help him sort through his jumbled thoughts, doubts, grief and guilt at not seeing her as much as he should have.

I feel for you. Its hard seeing your DC struggling and physically not be able to be there in person to give them a hug and help them.

ThatCyanJoker · 30/01/2026 17:54

Thank you, yes , good idea and I will suggest he writes and her son/my ex, can read it to her (not sure what she will take in as pretty sleepy with the drugs etc but definitely compes mentes today)

OP posts:
Tulipsriver · 30/01/2026 17:57

Oh that's hard and I'm not surprised you're worried about him.

I think he is likely to be feeling guilty so I would probably remind him how much his grandma appreciated his calls and how happy she is that he's having a lovely life overseas (assuming that's true, of course). Could you offer to take her some flowers or a little gift from him?

BoudiccaRuled · 30/01/2026 18:23

This is going to sound harsh, but as well as being very kind to him it's also worth pointing out that this is going to be just the first of several similar situations, if he lives in the other side of the planet. Actions and consequences strike again.
Apologies for being unsympathetic but I am often on the receiving end of friends who emigrated and now find themselves with ailing parents a very long and expensive journey away. There's only so much sympathy in the bag...

New posts on this thread. Refresh page