Help please

[ForGreenHedgehog]

Don’t know what I’m looking for really- some advice or suggestions welcome. Young adult child with autism which was diagnosed as a young child (struggles with everyday functioning and mental health amongst other issues) has suddenly quit uni (had multiple attempts ) and moved out of family home and moved in with partner who the have been dating for 3 months (of similar age) and with partners family who reportedly consist of parent, aunt, uncle grandparent and sibling. I had met partner for all of 30 seconds and have no idea who the family are. I have their address though - it is an hour and 30 mins from where we live. My child wont give me any answers about coming home and won’t even talk it through with me. I’m just not sure where to go from here- although they are an adult they are also very vulnerable, very immature for age. Do I just leave them to it? Phone social care? They are refusing for me to come and see them at the address. Any advice appreciated

Oh op that sounds so stressful. It's good that you have their address and are still in contact with your dc. Is your dc a dd or ds and is their partner male or female? If it is a male partner I would be more concerned.

It’s ds and partner is same sex, partner slightly younger x

That sounds really stressfil. As a mother of austic young adults i sympathise and am trying to think what i would do in that situation.
Do they have any siblings? If so would they respond and be more talkative to them?Are they on SM at all?
I would invite them to something meal out, theatre trip , sport event etc to tempt them.out. would also try and engage with small news and photos like what a pet has done today etc. Just keep trying to engage in conversation. Not innundate with dozens of messages a day but definetely keep communication open even if its one way, which is normal even for NT young people.
Then id probably drive up and stalk- check out where they are living
You could phone social swrvices for advice.

That sounds so incredibly difficult. Are they taking to you? How sensitive se they to criticism?

I have to keep chat and messages super positive and upbeat with my NT DC2 otherwise they will just simply stop talking to me.

I hope you get a few more posters and some more advice

Thanks both, they have a younger sibling but they are 10 years younger so cant really get them involved in it! They are messaging at times but all has to be super positive as very sensitive to criticism- bordering on persecution complex so it’s really difficult to have grown up conversations 🙄. I’m hoping they are coming home tonight for a few hours to talk although definitely am thinking of having a little drive by one day soon to check out where they live!! X

I totally get the persecution complex thing. I do end up looking at techniques to deal with PDA quite often!

Hope the visit today goes as well as it can