I have posted before, but as time goes on things are getting worse.
DS Is 19yrs old, his Dad and I divorced 6 1/2 years ago, not on great terms, long back story/history of alcoholism, narcissistic behaviour and never putting myself or the kids before the needs and wants of his mother. DS lives 50:50 between myself and exH.
DS didn’t enjoy academia at school, add in covid and a sprinkle of laziness and he finished school with only a few qualifications, but enough to get him into college to do an HND.
He dropped out of the HND after one term, stating it was boring and not for him.
He won’t get a job because he does not need one and spends most of his days sleeping, evenings and nights out with friends, either driving around or smoking weed.
The reason he doesn’t need a job is because my ex MIL gives him several thousand pounds a month, he has no outgoings as they have bought him a car, think high end and pay for the very expensive car insurance.
In the autumn I persuaded him to go for an interview with a good company to do an apprenticeship, he got this and started 6 weeks ago, but has now handed his notice in. He wasn’t getting up and going and would have been sacked soon probably!
He has said to me that he doesn’t see the point of getting a job, he doesn’t need the money, but he is also getting depressed and angry with life.
I have begged exH to stop his Mum from sending him this money, but he won’t do this as “she enjoys seeing him happy spending money”.
I spent a long time whilst we were still married trying to reign in what she spent in the kids, tried to persuade DS a Saturday job would be a good idea when he turned 16 and talk to him about adulting, why it’s important to have a purpose in life. I don’t see to constantly ask ex MIL to stop buying him so much stuff, but she refused and continues to do it.
O am tearing my hair out and am worried I am ruining my relationship with him as we constantly argue about him trying to find a job.
On a side note, I am now staring to worry about my 15yr old daughter, as ex MIL gave her £1000 for Xmas, on top of the laptop and van Cleef jewellery she got as her present.
I am just lost at how to help him? Does anyone have any advice?