Over 18s and doctor appointments

[PrincessOfPreschool]

DS1 is 20. He's just had a second episode where he fainted/ collapsed for a few seconds (10-15 seconds). The first was in August and he refused to go to the doctor. I am hoping he will go now this is a second time and he burst open his eyebrow plus grazed his cheek from falling on the coffee table - luckily from sitting - so there is a physical injury.

I think it may be stress related as we had a conversation earlier in the day about his mental health and how he's feeling. He was crying, he's very depressed and completely hopeless about himself or the future. He said he's only OK if he blocks thoughts out and doesn't think about himself or life/ future. He was adamant he's not going to the doctor about his mental health even though I'm very worried about what he may do to himself (I did not say that to him).

If he refuses to go to the doctor, is there anything I can do. If he says he will go, can I go in with him? (I know he will minimise and he wasn't actually conscious for both the physical incidents, has no memory of them). He's 20. He's unemployed and not seeking work/ signing on as he feels unable to work, rubbish at everything, so we are fully supporting him. He's obviously very vulnerable mentally and possibly physically as well, but I'm not sure what I can/ can't do with an adult child who refuses help but is still basically in my care. He hasn't threatened suicide or anything.

You can phone the doctor (or send a letter) and ask them to do a ‘welfare call’ on him. You can voice your concerns, but they won’t discuss him with you as such.

There is something called non-epilectic seizures, which can be stress related. They are really tricky to treat - with epilepsy you can at least try anti seizure drugs. All you can really do is keep an eye on him and hope he will seek help xx

Thanks Arran. It does sound like that.

You can go into the GP appointment with him if he’s happy for you to, yes. But obviously you can’t insist that you’re there.

@Silverbirchleafso can I phone the doctor and explain what happened? I thought a welfare check was to see if someone is alive.

Oh that's great, I think he would prefer it @ShesTheAlbatross

In this scenario I would make the appointment for him, tell him the appointment is made, tell him what time to be in the car and assume I was going in with him unless he specifically said otherwise.

If he says something like “I don’t want to go” I’d acknowledge that but tell him he still has to. I’d also probably try offering a domino’s on the way home like I would with a toddler.

Collapsing like this could be stress, but could also be something serious medically wrong.

Once he’d been and was engaging properly with medical care if he was cross that I was being controlling or taking over or treating him like a child then I would apologise profusely.

Also, a note to add, that with epilepsy people often feel different before and after seizures - as though someone else is controlling their emotions - so if the depression conversation yesterday is out of character then you also need to report that to the doctor.

I have non epileptic seizures.

this sounds lore like a simple faint which can be due to a whole load of stuff including low blood sugar, low blood pressure and just getting up too quickly.

however given his mental health issues I’d also be trying to get him to the gp.

DD 13 has this. They ruled out POTS, low iron and are chalking it up to anxiety. I am extremely doubtful because it happens at times when she isn't at all worried, like when she gets up in the middle of the night for a wee and she's barely awake.

Its interesting that PPs went straight to a condition I've never heard of, wondering why the GP hasn't suggested non epileptic seizures. Possibly because she's a girl, boys get taken more seriously IMO.

My advice is if he refuses to go to the doctor then see if you can afford a private vitamin test. If he's depressed then he may be deficient as it can affect self care and appetite.

My dd has unexplained seizures. They do not think they are epilepsy though cannot be ruled out. Definitely stress, anxiety etc related but also other potential triggers like overheating. She as asd

Yes, you can go into the GP appointment with him. As PP said, I would be telling him he has an appointment and you are taking him. Chances are, he’s worried himself but doesn’t want you to panic. I imagine, he wonders what would happen if he had one of these episodes while he is out.

If he is not working due to his mental wellness/depression/anxiety then he really should be claiming universal credit, so the doctors appointment will help with that. They may prescribe antidepressants to help.

I wish you good luck, our children never stop being our babies.

I used the term ‘welfare check’ as a general phrase. Doctors will follow up with appointments or phone calls or home visits when concerned relatives or friends have submitted information.

I think with adult DC it's similar to a partner or parent. I wouldn't expect them to involve me for routine matters but for something potentially serious it's always good to have someone with you.
When DS was 18 I went with him to the GP when it was a mental health matter. Another time I went with him to see a cardiologist. Obviously I wouldn't go for anything trivial.
If he agrees to go I would suggest writing down everything he thinks is relevant so he doesn't miss it if he's nervous.

Thanks so much everyone. These are really great ideas. Domino's is his favourite food! I've told him I'm making an appointment tomorrow and he didn't disagree. I'm hoping we can talk about mental health as part of the appointment. DS himself thinks it's stress related too. It could have been fainting as it's very short-lived but the first time he had his eyes wide open and his body was stiff slumped down in his chair. This time was a dark room and I wasn't there until he came round. I hope it is just a faint but both times it's happened were after very stressful conversations/ events. The first time in August was when he was let go from his retail job for no reason (they just didn't renew his contract), which really knocked him.

He has worked for 8 months since he finished A levels in 2024. He doesn't want to go to the doctor as I think facing that makes him feel even more of a failure. It's beyond him to face up to it right now so he's just blocking it out thinking about the future or how he feels about himself. We can afford to support him in terms of food, heat, a room and he doesn't really need anything to spend other than his savings as he rarely goes out or buys anything. It's hard to know how long this can go on for but that's a whole other topic.

Some good advice above. Very glad you are making appointment!

Have you heard of ‘absence seizures’? They are a form of epilepsy and what you are describing maybe sounds a bit similar. (Not all epilepsy is ‘tonic clonic’ where the person shakes, contorts etc.)

I recently had to make a medical appointment for one of my adult DS (I did not go with him). I told him that this was an opportunity for him to gain information from a qualified person who knows he’s an adult, will respect him, & can’t tell him what to do - but will have experience and knowledge that he may choose to do something with. I also told him that personally I would be very grateful if he did go.

Can I make one suggestion though - which is to be a bit wary of the ‘suck it and see’ approach that the NHS often adopts to episodes like that you have described. (Or at least that was our experience- maybe we had bad luck though!) Obviously there is a mental health issue here for your DS which needs to be dealt with, and the gp may well be the best route into dealing with that - but if having seen the gp you think there is any possibility of persuading DS also to see a private neurologist to evaluate the episodes (‘just to rule out any question of epilepsy dear and we could get pizza on the way back’) I would really recommend doing so!

We have had what sound like similar issues in some ways - please pm me if helpful to discuss in more detail.

It would be good if you could video his next incident to show to medics.

@Arran2024There's just been two incidents and both took us by surprise plus they were very scary. One we were eating so he had a mouthful of food. Yesterday he collapsed onto the table and tiled floor, he was bleeding. I don't think I would have the presence of mind to video it in the middle of the fear and shock - or even the time. Both times were quite quick and he was out, less than a minute. By the time I found my phone, logged in, found the camera...

Even film him coming round. It's all useful. My daughter has epilepsy btw. She takes hours to come round - very confused. That's just her though. The medics will really want to know how they are before, during and after the incident.

You might have a look at docready.org.uk. It is designed to help someone who wants to see a doctor about their mental health. The idea is that you create a sort of checklist which you can hand over if necessary.

I got him to doc today, although he wasn't happy to get up 3 hours before his usual time! He did most of the talking...I just chipped in. He refused to talk about mental health though. Doc asked if he's stressed and he said 'No' but doc also asked if he's working, at uni, looking for a job - all No, so hope doc could read between the lines, not that it matters as we'll probably never see him again. Blood test next week and ECG tomorrow but doctor said he doesn't think it's heart related.

Well done on going. Hopefully progress.

That’s really good, well done you.

Youll need to go back for the results so can explore the stress/anxiety/metal health angle more then once the worst case scenario stuff has been ruled out.

I think a useful phrase is “Looking from the outside”. So DS says he isn’t stressed and you validate that. “Yes, DS wasn’t feeling stessed when it happened the first time. But, looking in from the outside, he had been through an experience which lots of people find very stressful when he lost his job “

@NewUserName2244Thanks for that phrase, it's great! I will try to get him back to the doctor but if the blood test is clear (they usually just tell your that over the phone), it may be difficult to get DS to go back. We will never see the same doctor again as the guy we saw was from the overflow hub.

Good luck 🤞