Concerns regarding my adult son - special needs

[Parisgrey]

My son is 29 and still lives at home.
He was statemented at school, and is on the autistic spectrum.

Saying all that, he's done very well.

I was told that he would have to go to a special school. He didn't. He drives, went to university, has a degree, and holds down a very well paid job for a very large company.

However, he is very immature and naivie for his age, and I do worry about him

It's very difficult because at his age, I just can't take him off to the doctor to ask for counselling, which I believe he needs.

He has hardly had any girlfriends, he may have seen a few girls once or twice.But that's it.

It's like he's looking for somebody who's perfect, and I guess that is due to his special needs.

On paper, it looks like he has everything going for him.And he has overcome a lot of obstacles, and I am immensely proud of him. But unless you live with him, you would see how immature he is.

I feel guilty that he could have some issues, because of the mental health in my family.

I find it difficult to hear my friends talk about how their sons are getting on. Most of them do not live at home.

And I would never pressure him, as I had the same pressure from my parents, and it was awful. But by the same token, I do wonder when he will settle down. He wants to, he has told me.

I don't really know at the point of this post is. Hopefully, he will find his way in life. I just think it will be much later on.

Being a parent is very difficult, and you never stop worrying.

Like any mother, I just want the best for him, i'm just very concerned that his special needs are holding him back in life.

And I do see enough people with special needs in relationships, but with him, I really don't think he is mature enough to have one yet.

It does affect him, as he sees a lot of his friends getting married or in long term relationships.

And not everybody ends up in a relationship or gets married.I know that. However I know he wants to.

Considering he is 30 next year. It's a bit concerning that he's never had
a long term girlfriend or a proper girlfriend, even.

He's very very close to me, but i don't think that is healthy for him either.

If anybody has any suggestions, I would be very grateful.

Thank you x

@Parisgrey I think there may be a mumsnet board especially for SEN. Maybe you would find more advice there. Some of the parents would themselves have ASD.

You have evidently helped your DS a great deal. I is very well done of him that he has a degree and a good job and can drive. No wonder you are proud of him.

No advice really just wanted to say you sound like a fantastic mum who’s raised her son to
be the absolute best he can be despite his disability ❤️
I hope he meets someone soon

He will find someone in his own time, dont worry. In the mean time, it might be sensible to think about helping him to move towards living independently. Would he manage in a flat on his own or would he need support?
It will help him to be more independent which will help his confidence, which will help him get ready for a relationship.

How does his immaturity manifest itself?

Is he able to put another persons needs before his own needs / wants? is he able to talk openly about how he feels? What are his views on relationships and what are his expectations of women / partners?

is his dad around?

i agree with the pp that helping him make progress towards living independently might be a good idea in the meantime.