My mother lies

[Zscalent]

My dad died 7 years ago. Prior to his death I always thought I had a close relationship with my parents but since his death I've seen a different side of my mother. She started dating again relatively quickly and she has made incredibly bad decisions when it comes to men. Constantly dragging me and my brother into her relationship drama. But the thing that is bothering me most is the lieing she will repeatedly lie directly to my face.... often the lies are surrounding men. So for example she will say she is going to meet her sister, when in fact she is meeting someone from a dating site.
Often there was no need for the lie.... like just don't tell me don't lie about it... but I get the feeling she likes playing games.
For someone who lies as much as her she is surprisingly bad at it, often outing herself out on lies because she can't keep her story straight. The whole thing is just grim and has me wishing I just had a "normal" mother.

You sound like you disapprove of her dating so maybe she feels an innocent lie is better than telling you she is meeting a date.

Is it because she feels criticised by you (about her dating habits) that she tells these lies? Perhaps when she and your dad were together, everyone was happy with the way the others behaved so there was nothing to disapprove of? I dunno, just a thought.

More context is needed. Has she always lied? Is it just since your dad died? What sort of dramas has she dragged you into?

Is she bored, seeking distraction, knows she is silly, getting a little thrill from her secret life.

She is not just a mother she is a woman. If she isn’t comfortable explaining what is new territory for her then it’s not lying to hurt you or even necessarily who she is . She is navigating a new chapter in her life . Unless there is more to this I wouldn’t take it personally and let her find her feet .

She is normal. She lies because you are critical of her and think her behaviour grim. She’s a person evolving in a new stage of her life, not just your mother.

I've never criticised her, she does not take criticism well.

Example of drama:
The last man she was seeing was a racist and homophobe, he was possessive and he openly hated her spending time with her son and grandchild but she was totally fine with that.
He made zero effort with us despite being invited to family event's (to keep my mother happy) but when she finally ended it (because it no longer suited her) he became angry and bombarded us with calls to the point that police were involved.

I don't ever confront her about her lies but one lie she had to come clean about because she knew I'd find out. It was a bad one where she had done something that she knew would hurt us and then blamed it on another family member, but the other family mmember old her she wasn't going to take the fall for her So she had to come clean. That resulted in a huge row and she was awful to deal with so never again.
I just ignore the lies now but it does annoy me because I can never trust a word she says.