How have your helped your adult DC through heartbreak

[Friendlyfart]

This is my DD’s second relationship- they weren’t going out for that long but it was intense, as these things can be and now she is heartbroken. She’s just about going to work but not socialising (her gf relocated hence the break up). She is already on an SSRI - has been all through uni - graduated this year & stayed up to live after uni as is common these days.

We are going to speak later and id like to gently encourage her to start seeing some friends as I feel it may help - although appreciate there’s a fine line here. We have messaged this week but not spoken since last Monday (the break up was nearly two weeks ago) and she was v upset then as it was very fresh.

Any good tips to get her through this? She obviously will meet someone again, but I think she feels this was only getting started and was ripped away.

So hard. No tips, not there yet. I remember a creative writing professor telling us students that his adult son was sleeping in the parents master bedroom on the floor because he was so distraught over a breakup. It always made me wonder how I’d support a child in a similar position - I hope not to have a bedroom floor sleeper! I think you’re being empathetic and thoughtful which is a great start. Could you do something nice the two of you? Spa day, meal out, start the wheels of return to life?

@MarginWalker- thanks for your reply.
Unf she lives 200 miles away so no outings, but should be home for Xmas - we are going to BIL (I usually do it, he offered) which she won’t be majorly happy about, so not mentioning it just yet unless she asks.
i hope your lecturer’s son found happiness in the end!

I think this will depend on the person. My DD likes to be left alone to process it on her own terms, which I suppose so do I, my DB for example has been clinging to my mum for dear life.

My friend’s daughter has recently had a bad breakup and she’s staying over at her mum now because she doesn’t want to go back to the house.

Thanks @PanicPanicc- I spoke to her last night and she said she had started to feel better yesterday (she had spoken to the ex the night before for 2 hours!!! And said what she wanted to say). She seems to think they may get back together, but I said don’t ‘wait’, live your life and see what happens.
She appreciated me waiting a week to call her but I said I never like leaving speaking more than a week, which she understood.

Honestly, she needs to not do that. She needs to take a clean break ( easy to say I know) because she’s feeling better today because she’s now got this hope that they will reconcile and it’s just delaying the pain ( been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, been the mug etc). It’s so much harder these days because you can keep constant tabs on your ex via SM and message them at will but it really doesn’t help you heal and move on. LDR’s aren’t an impossibility so if the GF ended it purely due to relocation it sounds as though she doesn’t quite have the same investment in this relationship as your DD.

Anyway, I’m sure you know all this and as a mum you’re not saying it because you know how that’s gonna go, so I think all you can do is listen and sympathise but also try not to fuel/ validate her hopes and encourage her to get a bit of distance from the ex.

Oh no - that’s why she’s feeling better then, she’s hoping to work things out.

That happened to me (we did get back together) but my friend’s daughter that I previously mentioned was double crushed by it. They got back together only for him to leave while she was on a girls weekend - no warning, nothing, just vanished. It’s 10x worse.