Cooking and dinner expectations

[bendmeoverbackwards]

3 adult dcs living at home currently (older 2 been away to uni and now back at home).

They’re capable of cooking (and do for the family occasionally) but our arrangement is that I cook the evening meal as I only work part time. Dh works long hours and dc are working very hard at their jobs.

I usually say when dinner will be ready, usually around 7.30pm. But sometimes they’ll say they’re not hungry yet, had a late lunch etc, can they eat later.

Im torn between being relaxed about this, or thinking it’s rude if someone makes you a meal.

Opinions?

Have your dinner and they can reheat when they're hungry. Or just make your own and they can fend for themselves

I think this is rude unless they have arranged with you not to be there and for you to save it for them. I also think they should each cook at least once a week for the family.

I hated this when mine stayed at home especially ifi had taken individual things out the freezer, I ended up saying i needed to know who was having dinner or not the day before, I think its rude to not even say.

My rule was simple, we eat as a family. If they were not going to be in I had to know in advance so we managed food waste

As @dementedpixiesuggests . Say it’s 7.30 and if you can’t make it let me know and I’ll leave it for you to heat up later, or the day befits if possible then you only cook for you and your DH. Explain you are not a restaurant with meals ready whenever they are!

Very rude.
But also, if you've always eaten together as a family, isn't tht just seen as 'the norm' ?
I'd appreciate the fact someone had cooked for me, whatever time it was ready.

They might be reminded of how rude this is, if you move to a system of taking turns to each cook a meal throughout the week.

Thank you. To clarify, they’re not asking for meals at certain times and will happily heat up their food later. It just feels a bit off to me that they don’t come when it’s ready. I need to be a bit flexible due to their shift patterns etc.

They do cook occasionally, this has become less frequent recently, dd2 for example is currently waitressing and on her feet for 8 hours, it feels a bit mean to ask her to cook when I work fewer hours.

She will have to cook her own dinner after a hard day's work when she moves out won't she? You're not asking her to do it everyday either are you.

As long as it’s occasional I wouldn’t mind too much, sometimes I don’t feel like dinner. The leftovers are usually grabbed for lunch next day.

Dd and other young adults always seem to want their meals 2+ hours later than us. At present, when home, I expect them to eat as a family when it's ready - about 7.30. I also don't want to wait until 10 for dinner when dd is cooking (as I did the first time....). I'd probably be more flexible if she was working FT out of the house though - and just say heat it up later. I wouldn't like it though.

7:30 is dinner time here. 2 parents 2 young adults.
If you’re in the house you sit down and socialise over the meal. No hiding in your bedroom.
I make a pretty strict (no room for fridge grazing) meal plan. Frozen TV dinners or plated leftovers for anyone who’s out.
If you want something off-plan, buy it and cook it for everyone and I’ll gladly pay you back. Snacks are microwave popcorn or cake (often bought, occasionally homemade).
We all love chocolate and have group taster sessions several times a week, the weirder the better. Currently a Lindor Advent Calendar. Coconut was a good one…