What do you think of this?

[pollypkt]

My mum is currently living in between mine and my sisters place temporarily. She sometimes sees me awake quite late and tells me to go to bed. My sister has said she does the same to her. She also tries to tell me to finish what I’m doing with the kids to send them to bed. my sister has told me that she sometimes calls and if she hears her daughter awake in the background at a time she feels is too late, she will tell her to put her child to bed and doesn’t agree with the time she feels should be her bedtime.
I’m 33 and I work a full time job in transport. My sister is 40 and also works full time as a nurse so we are responsible people. What do you think of this?

I'd lose my mind. When is she moving to her own place?

Why is she of no fixed abode?

Not comfortable disclosing that info on here.

Easy. You tell her you'll decide yourself when to go to bed.

By itself, I think it’s harmless, she just wants you to sleep.

I'd tell her the days of her deciding your bed time are long gone.

you sound like lovely daughters looking after your mum like that.

tell your mum that she is being a pain in the neck, and that if she doesn't stop this behaviour it is going to make it very difficult to continue the arrangement without cross words.

It sounds like normal mum-talk to me. So I might respond, in a tired voice, with 'ok, thanks, mum.' and then move on, living your life as suits you and your family best. At your ages, obviously, you don't need to comply.

Sounds like your mum's living situation is, thankfully, temporary and the sooner she moves into her own place the better.

My mother has said some shocking things to me and to my siser on occasion but we both know to ignore it because we are adults, living in our own houses with our own famlies, and don't need to listen.

Depending on the relationship I had with her I'd probably joke every time she says it with something like, 'Oh Mum how did I ever cope with my DCs before you stayed here' or 'Mum I'm not 12 anymore you know'.

I'd try to keep it lighthearted but if she was interfering in other areas then I'd have a more serious word with her and tell her she's overstepping the mark. My house, my rules kind of thing.

I hope she gets a place to live soon so you get your life back!

She’s reverting to Mum mode and forgetting that you’re both fully grown adults! It’s irritating, but also rather sweet in a way, because she clearly wants you both to be well rested!

I agree with PP’s to breezily reply that you’re 33 now and can set your own bedtime. I hope she’s able to move to her own place soon. 🤞

To be honest, today at work I realised that I’ve been a victim of abuse perpetrated by my mother for the majority of my life. So I was just thinking over all the things that she has done that stick out in my mind. This sounds minor to most I understand, but it’s part of a bigger issue around control, not seeing or treating us like adults, not being able to control her temper, guilt tripping, emotional blackmail… there’s a long list of things. I’m not even too sure why I chose to ask about this in particular. Just trying to process it all.

A homeless parent moving in with an adult child/ living 50/50 with two adult children is a recipe for resentment on all sides, and it's on the guest to remember that they are not in charge in the homes of their adult children.

My mother used to joke that after my father died she'd live as a lady of leisure between her adult children's houses, and even as a joke it wasn't funny ...

Perhaps you can support your mum to find her own place sooner rather than later - have a look into whether she's entitled to any extra benefit or help with rent, sheltered housing from the council etc. If you let her know that making her homeless will help her get housed, will she cooperate? You can still support her obviously.