Financial independence

[Wotrewelookinat]

What age were your adult children financially independent? Dh and I are desperate to reduce working hours (me) and retire (DH, older than me). We have twins in final year at uni, but I can see they might struggle to find work, pay rent, run a car etc straight away, and one might stay on the do a masters. We are so torn with wanting to support them as much as needed while also wanting to have more of a life ourselves away from work.

Any experiences/advice gratefully received!

I think it depends on what you are able to give, and what you are prepared to give. I know that young people have a hard time right now with exorbitant rent and mortgages. I was able to help out a little when my children bought their first homes but they're good kids and never asked for anything again.

There's a fine line between helping out and giving because your child feels entitled to your help. They are not entitled but equally I'd hate to watch my child struggle. Also, I believe that the best way to help your kids is to save enough of your wages/pension so that you're not a burden on them as the years go by. I can't think of anything worse than having to ask your own child for some financial help.

You'll get a lot of different responses on here, OP. Some will dramatically say that they'll give their last penny to their child, and others that after age 18 the child is on his/her own.

I live in a country where uni doesn't cost anything and students get money from the state to study + a very favourable student loan and they both have part-time jobs so once they left secondary education I stopped supporting them. Well, I still invite them over for dinner sometimes, they stayed at mine during holidays etc. but there was no need for me to give them money monthly or pay any of their bills. Neither of them have a car though (neither did I until I was in my 30s) and neither of them live in their own apartment. One is in a flat share and the other is in a dorm. I don't think they need to live by themselves or run a car at that age, I think it's perfectly fine for young adults to struggle a bit. In fact, I think it's almost essential to go through that stage of life to be a well-rounded adult.

I’m a single parent so as of right now my agreement with DD is after she finishes uni she’ll get 1 year of very reduced home contributions so she can settle herself + build up savings/whatever she chooses to do and after that year, if she still wants to live with me it’s absolutely fine but she’ll have to pay her share of the household bills.

I don’t love doing this but she’ll be about 23 by then and I’m increasingly apprehensive about how tired and run down I feel. I want to be able to afford reducing my working hours even if temporarily. I was diagnosed with burnout last year and advised to slow it down but with DD in uni + still living at home I simply can’t afford to.

I told my 3 that the bank of mum and dad would close when they finished their undergraduate degrees but there would always have free bed and board at home (and they could borrow my car on occasion). I might have stretched this to a cheapish masters but didn't tell any of them this. My DSes were financially independent by 23 and 22 (1st vocational degree with v good job prospects and 2nd just lucky). My DD 23 not financially independent yet as work city very expensive and salary low at the moment. However extra cost of having her at home not too much and no plans for us to move/downsize until my dad dies. Thinking another 2 years maximum for my DD to be financially independent. I'm going to retire next year as could always pick up work again if my DC need help.