ADHD

[WRLGPLem134]

My adult DS received a diagnosis for ADHD earlier this year and is struggling.

Great with routine, sport, the gym etc but struggles with his job as a sports teacher in a special needs school.

The wobbles and concerns he currently has are daily and I understand that he needs to change his job, he tells me daily, the stress he is experiencing is unbearable. The whole summer has been awful and we await further support and medication.

As a parent I am worried sick, everyone around me who are immediate family are wrapping him up in cotton wool and keep referencing his condition and I don’t believe this sort of support is necessary. The more I read from the little support I get I am currently leaning that my DS can live a very normal, happy life and that is all I want for my son.

Has anyone had any experience of this please. It’s causing massive disagreements between me and family members

Eli Lebrowitz work on children and anxiety articulates the difference between supporting and accommodating and I have found that distinction incredibly useful with my anxious nd dc.

I read his research 6 or 7 years ago before the books, ted talk etc so I’m not sure where exactly to point you, but if you google his name you’ll find resources.

“Accommodation” is a slightly unfortunate word choice here because when people get a diagnosis , looking at appropriate accommodations is the next step, but that’s an entirely different meaning. What Lebrowitz is distinguishing between is being supportive by listening compassionately etc, vs what you’re describing as wrapping up in cotton wool which actively fosters the anxiety.

Is he on any medication? This can help massively

What does your son want? What do you mean by wrapping him up in cotton wool? If he can’t cope it’s his job and they can see him struggling, it’s normal that they are supporting him.

Thank you for your reply. I will have a read

@Savoretti
No not yet. Should be but its an extremely slow process to get to access to the medication prescribed

By wrapping him up in cotton wool my mum would rather see him stay at home and not work. Not function in everyday life and that’s not normal. I cannot see this approach as being helpful

@WRLGPLem134 unless there’s some massive impediment I agree with you, there’s no reason he shouldn’t be able to work.

He might be conflating his frustration with his job with ADHD, maybe? Working in education is not an easy feat.

Oh no what a shame… if he has the diagnosis could you try a private gp
just to get started?

I suppose if he is struggling, your mum maybe just wants to protect him, so her first response is just to keep him away from all the stress because she loves him. I think you just need to explain that you are willing to support him, but at the same time, you don’t want to restrict him or in some way write him off as never being able to work or interact outside of home.

She needs to see that there is very likely to be a job that will suit him better, one that he’ll be able to cope with. A different job, reasonable adjustments, medication (if your son wants it) can all help and he will very likely be happier with that life than not working and staying home. There is no ‘normal’ though.

@PanicPanicc i agree, teaching is not easy and only this year struggling to cope with it then it is definitely time for a change

Would he be better off being a PT where he can be his own boss. He might not be suited to working in Education.
I have ADHD and you need a job with a lot of flexibility as it is utterly exhausting and you burn out very easily.

@Thingyfanding i agree, DP has ADHD and after bouncing a bit around jobs he’s going to try and go for self employed as the autonomy might be better suited.

From someone who has started adhd medication, it does get rid of the anxiety but it creates a lot of other side affects. Is it just his work giving him anxiety? Has he been on the adhd nhs course, that was helpful and also just general cbt can help.

Oh yes and jobs and adhd 🤪 I really struggle
9-5 in office environment, it burns me out, office politics, some old thing everyday drives me abit crazy, end up staring into space a lot. I just work part time in a very flexible job, varied work, nice boss and colleague's and do all our childcare etc.

@Thingyfanding
i agree. This term it’s really noticeable. I just want him to be happy

My adult dc, with ADHD, benefit from having to go to work. Both thrive on work and love some overtime.
I can't see how being self employed would benefit either of them, as, on top of the work they would do, they would also need to deal with finding work (or clients); pricing the work they do; marketing themselves; collecting payments; following up when pay isn't readily forthcoming; dealing with taxes; dealing with people they have o pay; booking work; working out where to fit in holidays or breaks; etc etc - all things they find really challenging.

I know every individual with ADHD is different (my two are different from one another in so many ways) but I think adding on the very things they find difficult in life (ie 'organising their life') seems like a really bad suggestion.