I’m 39 with a 20 year old

[Mazz1986]

I’m feeling lost,
for years I wanted another baby,
my husband always had an excuse not to.
now I been feeling so lost, all my friends have kids,
they all seam so busy..
since covid I’ve just lost touch with most of them,
they asked me to soft play last. I would feel weird having no child with me.
i avoid them on social media, Halloween and Christmas is always hard.

what does a 39 year old woman do with their life..
mortgage free, I’ve tried travelling, have a holiday day home. I don’t want anything material wise.

im just bored..
im lost.

surly there’s more to life than this.

I just came out with it today to my husband, he just didn’t understand.
I just wish I had a big family around me.

i would give up all the money that I have to have had more children.

look into fostering ?

Im 39 my son will be 23 in may.
I couldn't be happier.

I had my DC at 38 and 40 so I had all those child free years first. They still grow up whatever age you have them.
It's the friends that are your problem.
It sounds like you need some new friendship / social groups with people who aren't necessarily the same age as you but are at the same life stage - young adult DC.
Craft groups
Sports clubs
Book groups
Volunteering
Find a hobby and join a group.
Find a cause and fundraise? Doing something worthwhile for others might give you purpose.

And that is fine. I had one at 39 as well but the difference with the OP is that we’d had years to enjoy being child free in our 20s and 30s and my DC was wanted by both parents.

OP have you seen a GP? You sound generally quite depressed and tired and I wonder whether you're pinning the reasons for your depression on the child thing? We all reach an age where our children are grown up and gone, you just reached it a little earlier.

Your life also sounds rather llimited, which also makes me wonder whether your mental health might be suffering generally and I think you could benefit from at least talking to a GP.

My son was very wanted.
We are all different i didn't miss anything in my 20s i was never in to partying etc i loved being a mum.
Now hes an adult i have all my 30s 40 ect to do what i want.
Im more confident now than i was back then.

Do you have any interests, hobbies, contribute to charity, to give you purpose?

OMG, what I would give to have that amount of time ahead of me after children grow up!

If you really want to have another child, you need to work on it fast, maybe even get donated Danish sperm - much easier to do there than here - if your husband won’t agree.
Or look into fostering, or adoption.

Or with your businesses, if you have employees, how can you invest in them and grow their potential such that you get a kick out of being the best boss ever, someone who enriches other peoples’ lives?

there is potential role here for bereavement counselling. Bereavement of the family you never had.

I had my first at 17, so I completely get this. Mine had all left home when I was in my early 40s and I felt like there was nothing left. I didn’t know what I wanted, because there was no ‘me’. I’d gone from being a child, to immediately raising children and I’d never had the time, energy or money to even consider what I like, or what I wanted.

Suddenly I found myself with nobody to look after, my mortgage was paid off (a benefit of starting early!) and I had spare time and money, but didn’t want to do anything. My only joy came from making other people (namely DH and kids happy). It was quite pathetic, but understandable.

I got some therapy, and started to learn about me and who I am. I’ve learned to try new things, many of which I really enjoy. I can now spend money on myself without guilt. It sounds a bit twee but I can really see how much I’ve grown. I love my life now. I’d really recommend it.

Unrelated but amazing for you after being a teenage mum you’re not mortgage freee before 40 what an inspiration!
yoh need to make more friends. Just like new mums of your age have to make new friends at baby classes to do baby stuff with, at our age we need to make child free friends to do child free stuff with. I have a need for both toddler mum friends and child free friends to spend time with when I don’t have my son. In fact I’d hang out with you if you lived close! Take up body building or a sport or learn a new skill would be top of my list in your shoes

Have you completely ruled out having another baby?