19 yr old who is constantly broke

[BabyJaneDear]

My 19 year old DD is just going into her 2nd year at uni. We had a big argument about money tonight which has left me feeling upset (as I feel like the bad guy) and worried for her.

she’s messaged asking us to stump up £2,300 for her first tuition fee payment next week, plus also pay her rent of £1,800 (which we usually pay anyway).

As well as getting a bursary of around £50 a week in term time, she also gets a loan that just about covers her tuition fees. She has a part time job where she earns a further £60 a week after tax plus on a good night, another £50 in tips. So she has around £600 a month to spend, from which she only has to pay what it costs to keep her in food, pay the electricity bill, buy clothes etc.

we pay her rent £8k a year which includes most bills. And usually treat her a further £100 a month.

it turns out that she is heavily overdrawn and her first loan payment will just about pay off her overdraft - leaving not enough to pay her tuition fees. When I ask where all her money is going I didn’t get a clear answer but she seems to afford to be getting her nails done regularly, out on nights out with her friends, Spotify subscriptions, gym membership, and just doesn’t seem to understand this is why she has no money.

How can I help her constructively to get better at money? She doesn’t really have no money, she just doesn’t spend it wisely. We can’t keep bailing her out every time, we’ve budgeted £10k a year for her rent and other costs so that part is not a problem but are dipping into our savings now to pay for her tuition.

Has anyone else had a dc who can’t seem to manage their money and how did you handle it?

Id refuse and make her pay the tuition fees out of her overdraft. tell her there is no magic money tree, and if she needs to pay for it herself. If shes left short then she needs to start cancelling her subscriptions and stop having so many nights out.

U.K. tuition fee loans are paid straight to the university to avoid this exact situation.

https://www.gov.uk/student-finance/new-fulltime-students

My Mother lent me the money and then applied a high interest rate (but lower than a credit card, higher than savings account for her). If she treats you like bank of mum and dad then include terms that a bank would.

Has she worked over the Summer @BabyJaneDear? She shouldn’t really be going into a new year in debt.

I think you’re going to have to have a tough conversation where you tell her that you will continue to pay her rent and £100 a month but you can’t afford anymore and if she doesn’t have enough money she will either have to earn more or spend less or a combination of the two.

I thought tuition fees went straight to the uni and not via the student. I am sure ds never paid his tuition but the may well be wrong. But if you bail her out then let her know you will only do it once and then help her budget. On paper she should have enough.

If she is in the UK she's trying it on and I'd be absolutely furious that she was trying to screw almost £2,500 out of me!

Her tuition is paid. She doesn't have to 'budget' for that - it has been paid to the university if she took a loan.

I'd stop paying anything except her rent and let her work out how she can either eat - or pay to have her nails done. Her choice.

What country are you in and what kind of course is it? As others have said tuition fee loans go straight to the uni, how does she get a loan that just about covers tuition fees but then she needs £2,300 towards the first installment?

I don’t think she’s being honest about where the money is going and I hope the bursary she is in receipt of isn’t related to income criteria in any way.

Could she have a drug problem?

I should add that she’s at a UK uni but an EU funded student, so she pays the fees herself and gets a loan from her other nationality country.

Yes she has, not full time but enough to have saved her first tuition fee payment. Aside from 2 weeks when she came to visit us, which she’s saying she’ll ’never do again’ as it wrecked her earnings. I don’t believe that’s true.

Sorry everyone I should have mentioned that we’re a British family in an EU country, so she is at a UK uni and gets funding from the country we are in. This means she gets a bursary plus a loan and is responsible for paying her own tuition fees.

I don’t believe so, no, but she does do snus which I absolutely hate - but her entire friend group do them! She just has champagne tastes on a lemonade budget.

Well she'll need to come home again and reapply next year if she can't afford her tuition fees, won't she? She's obviously spent her tuition money on herself

I wouldn't pay them. She sounds very entitled and needs to learn that when you run out of money it has consequences. Don't bail her out.

I’d let her claw out of her overdraft herself because otherwise she’ll never learn. As much as we’d all love to, nails, hair, Spotify etc are not priorities.

I feel for her because I think there’s a lot of pressure now on kids to keep up appearances and things like Klarna definitely prey on it, but she needs to learn. It is what it is.

When I moved out to study I remember I spent my whole week’s allowance pretty much straight away. It wasn’t anything bad, just dumb. I didn’t dare to tell my mother but after that I started paying a lot more attention to money.

That's bad and if not controlled now, will not teach her any lessons about budgeting

How are you getting on now @BabyJaneDear?

She has money but prefers to spend yours