My DS is filthy and lazy

[Blushingm]

He’s almost 24. He does nothing around the house. His room is full of dirty clothes, dishes and takeaway wrappers - it looks like a hoarders house. It stinks.

im away 9 days out of 14. I’ll come back and not a dish has been washers, no hoovering, rubbish everywhere.

im getting to the end of my rope - how do I deal with the pure laziness and the fact he doesn’t think of anyone but himself. He’s even admitted he says he will do something just to stop me nagging

You pay for your 24 year olds phone!
Sorry but you're an enabler. The time to deal with this was 10 years ago. This is what happens when you don't give teenagers responsibilities. He won't change now, why would he? There's only one answer to this problem..

There is no way the council would house him. A single, employed male with no dependents. I am currently supporting several single males with severe issues on UC who have been in bed and breakfast, temporary accommodation for months . It is hell.

I think you need to have a honest chat, draw up rules together after a chat. If he breaks them , give him notice to leave.

£275 isn’t really realistic for him in the real world. Rent, bills and CTax plus food would be 1000 for a shared flat. Make it clear to him he will have to enter the real world if he disrespects your home and you anymore. .

He sounds like an acoholic. Increase his rent too £400-500 a month.
the council will not house a single young man, no chance.

Be explicit about what you expect and he can continue to live at home. No eating in bedroom, kitchen only. Pick up laundry daily. Wash own laundry and hang it up when cycle is done. Clean bathroom weekly (and demonstrate how to do it so he cannot claim he hasn't a clue).

My 18yo has to wash his own sports kit. I don't do it anymore for him. He has dog walking duties regularly too. And expected to help with errands.

Let him know that you're making a 6 month plan to help him become independent. That will give him time to start to save and find a place and you won't feel guilty. He is too old to be living like that.

18yo DS has to pay for his own phone contract and sports fees. I don't get involved in this.

Change the rent/board arrangement.
Set it at market rate and pay back some for doing all cleaning each week. You have to critique his cleaning job..
Start by making a list together.

State that if his room is not at adult standard within the month, he finds other accommodation.

I sat down with my youngest and told him that he could choose to shoulder more work around the house, or he could accept a rent rise so that I could pay someone to do it. I told him the amount, and how I had worked it out. I also said there was absolutely no third option. It helped, a lot!

I also really like @user1492757084’s option.

(Ps I excluded his room, as that didn’t affect me directly)

Can't believe this 24 year old can't organise his own phone contract!

I do agree with those posting concerns that he may well be drinking excessively or worse but sorry to say you have enabled this, possibly sice he was a young boy. My son (and daughter) were both responsible for jobs like cleaning the bathroom, putting on laundry, hoovering etc from primary school. They are now both well- liked flatmates and great hosts as well.

I'm sorry to be so harsh, but who is ever going to want to live with, still less partner with your son? If someone does want him, will they end up on mumsnet complaining about their pig of a partner? Would your grandchildren be safe living with him? Or would they have bad stomachs all the time?

If you respected him, if he had some self-respect too, surely this would have stopped when he was 16.

There is no obligation on you to live with this level of disrespect - and none on anyone else either, and he needs to grasp that. You need to tell him. First, believe it yourself, then - say it to him and mean it .