Getting support for DD with moods

[JamPotJenny]

DD is 20 and a lovely, lovely girl. She’s a hard worker, trustworthy and loyal and I’m really proud of what she has worked hard at achieving in school, college and now in Uni. She’s careful with money, sensible and loving.

That said, she - like DH - has a poor control of her moods. Not temper, but moodiness. She can’t snap out of negative feelings and her feelings spiral to the extend that she’s combative, unreasonable and cannot back down.

She’s lost friends and a boyfriend because of her inability to ‘let go’. Yet, she sees this in the cold light of day and it tears her apart. She asks me tearfully why she’s like this and truly wants yo
change this aspect of herself. Recently, it’s cost her a relationship that she really values and she’s incredibly low.

She’s asked me to help her and I’m not sure how. Can anyone advise me please?

Her hormones are all over the place - periods are incredibly erratic (awaiting a scan, bloods didn’t indicate anything) and her skin flares up constantly with acne and little pimples. Instinctively and without any proof, I wonder if this is related?

Has anyone any experience of this and can anyone make some suggestions please. It’s horrible seeing her like this.

It's not such a revelation that she looks about four months pregnant at certain points during the cycle. I thought every woman got that. I've always had it. That's just premenstrual bloating, and there's nothing remarkable about it.

exactly, very normal

I think it's tempting for the OP to look for a magic bullet for her daughter's moods.

She's looking at neurodiversity and hormonal problems were actually it's mostly behavioural.

It's extremely unlikely that a trip to the gp and some therapy and medication would make it go away. Not sure what people expect of GPs these days.

She's already lost friends and a boyfriend over it. It's time to look at herself hard and make some effort to change her behaviour.

Because no one's going to put up with it. Making excuses for her, i'm looking for medical causes is of no benefit.

Superb post

the only thing is that the Op has “put up with it” from her husband so I imagine that’s feeding in to the daughter’s behaviour too, as she thinks that if others should put up with it like her mother does with her father

I disagree. If the OP’s daughter is ND then yes absolutely she still needs to find a way to regulate her behaviour but what she needs to do as a ND person to achieve maybe very different to a NT person.

As a NT or ND person it will take hard work.

My son has adhd

I am curious. What ND is strongly associated with moodiness?

A disregulated autistic person may comes across as moody if they’re struggling to cope with sensory overwhelming. I’m not saying it’s an excuse for behaviour but it’s important to understand what is encourging the behaviour so it can be addressed eg avoiding sensory overwhelm (online instead of in person shoppin) and seeking appropriate regulating behaviour (swimming or other heavy work).

She hasn't been diagnosed with anything. These are neurodevelopmental conditions that are present from birth. There would have been more than cyclical moodiness.

For the vast majority, moodiness will be just that. Moodiness. And they need to fucking address it for the sake of others as well as themself

Could borderline personality disorder be a possibility?

I never said if the OP’s daughter is ND that it’s fine and she doesn’t need to do anything. I actually said the opposite. Swearing suggests you’re very irritate over some thing I haven’t written.

If you think swearing is a big deal, then I can see how you’d come to that conclusion 🤷‍♀️

So if she has a “game face” and there was “no problems”

How come She’s lost friends and a boyfriend?

This sounds like my dd.

Shes Audhd.

Fluoxetine did nothing, but Sertraline has changed everything.

Interesting that you focus on the swearing rather than you saying I said the opposite to what said.

OP, I hope you and DD manage to figure out what is going on so she can solve her issues communicating with others. It all sounds very stressful and unpleasant for everyone.

I can’t fathom that being “interesting” to anyone but each to their own

And I ”never said” that you said anything of the sort 😕

Lets no derail the OPs thread.

I Suggest you don’t make up stuff then that is patently not true 🤷‍♀️

I do think you need a proper multi disaplinary assessment for your DD.

Her “game face” could be masking which is very well known in ND girls. She knows what’s expected of her but no one can fake it til they make it 24/7.

Added to that it’s known that puberty and menopause are triggers in autistic girls and woman struggling more and having a crisis stage.

So it could be nothing, could be hormones, could be ND or could be both of them making it a double whammy.

Hur what screamed out to me is that DD doesn’t want to be that way but cannot snap if it.

I don’t think until anyone’s felt like that they can truely understand.

Grief did that to me. (I’m NT) but after my mum died I went through a period where I just couldn’t see the good and positives. I was fighting the is internal battle with myself where I knew I was being moody and negative (as opposed to upset) but I couldn’t find me (iyswim?) I’m usually the person everyone says finds the good in everything and everyone!!!

If your DH needed to be taught to retreat and why etc there’s every chance he is ND too and it’s known to run in families.

No one here can categorically say one way or the other and can only match what’s being said to various different possibilities but your DD wants support and for her to get the correct support and correct medication (if that’s what she wants) you need to understand the route cause.

Good on you for standing by her and trying to help