Helping parent with depression

[SugarSpice2020]

Anyone got advice on how to help a parent (age mid 70s) with what I think is depression? In a nutshell, my father is displaying many classic signs & it’s taking a huge toll on my mother (who lives with him). Physically seems ok but won’t admit to anything being wrong / won’t contact Dr. Worrying for all of us & I can only see things getting worse. Possibly a bout of anti-depressants could help at first.

but how can we force him to seek help? I’ve suggested to my mother she contact her own Dr & explain situation, ask their advice. (I live in the US so it’s hard. Just spent summer living w them though so I have seen this first-hand).

would greatly appreciate thoughts from anyone else who’s faced this, thx!

My mother had depression all her adult life and had an on again off again relationship with antidepressants. She really took it out on our dad and us. She would talk the talk about how awful it is for depressed people but then deny she had it herself.
I think it's a good idea that your mum contact the GP. They can't tell her anything but she can tell them what's going on.

Thank you, that confirms what I thought! Hope Dr can advise & that your mum got / is getting the help she needs. It’s hard on those around, especially if depression isn’t actually diagnosed. I’m sorry you and your dad went through that!

Yes sadly unless your DF is willing to engage with help there is nothing you can do. My own DM has been depressed for years and won’t accept it or engage. I think she’s been like this for so long she can’t remember not being depressed so it’s her normal.

Could your DM get him to take a supplement including vitamin D each day? This might help. How is she feeling? Is she willing to continue with the marriage if he won’t seek help?

Your mum needs to focus as much as possible on self care. A good routine, healthy food, regular exercise and time with friends, tidy home, hobbies. For HERSELF just to be clear.
this will make her more resilient and better able to help him, she’ll give off great energy and her good habits may even be a role model that he wants to join in with. This is the best thing for both of them.

Thank you (sorry for delay); actually yes Dr did previously recommend Vit D & he’s taking that but nothing else. My DM is constantly irritable living w him (or maybe it’s her natural state!) but despite telling her she ought to seek help from Dr / call Age Concern for her own benefit at least, so far she has not, makes excuses like she has no time. So she’s not helping herself. What can I say, I guess old folks just are stubborn! At least they don’t like taking advice from their kids. I think a professional saying the same thing would be different.

yes she does have an absorbing hobby (music) at least, had friends in a group that play & tries to keep social, healthy so that’s something. Time apart is honestly best for them both!
thank you for your thoughts x

Glad that he’s taking the Vit D at least.