I have 2 sons: W (32) and J (30). They have been living together in my house in Surrey while i live with my 97 y.o. mum in Bath. A little over a week ago J rang me to say W had been arrested. While blind drunk W had punched and choked J but the arrest originally happened after W had made a massive disturbance in the street, roaring, ranting and threatening to murder nonexistent/invisible people.
J went to the police station and reported the assault. They photographed his injuries (bruised eye and red marks on his throat) and interviewed him. They released W the next day with bail conditions that he can't return to the house or contact his brother in any way. They won't decide on a charge until early October though they told J they regard W as "vulnerable".
W came to Bath to stay with me. He was very remorseful but he doesn't seem to understand that he can never go back to how things were.
W has had MH problems since he was 11 but the big issue is his drinking. He swears he'll never drink again but then says he's fine on beer it's only spirits that get him in trouble. He hasn't ever had a proper job for more than a month or so.
He has bad genes for alcohol. I'm a long time sober alcoholic and so was his grandfather. I know contented sobriety is possible. But I can't make him do it and I need to accept that.
As it stands I'm heartbroken and guilty. If I'd been living at home I would have seen W's deterioration. I could add lots of info but this is far too long already. I don't know what I want from this - advice and a handhold perhaps?