Worried about adult son. Any suggestions?

[Imonlysaying]

Hi. Have son in mid 20s. He is apparently successful in his career, but doesn’t like it. He has a girlfriend, but doesn’t like her. He lives at home, and doesn’t like that. He plays competitive sport, but doesn’t like that. What is going wrong here? What will make him happy or at least optimistic ? I am at a loss. Is he depressed? And if so, how do I help him? Thank you

If he doesn't like his girlfriend, he can break up.
If he doesn't like living at home, he can move out.

I wonder if you are too available? If he is in his mid-20s, he needs to find the thing that makes him happy, not you.

Why is it up to you?

He's in control of his own life - good for him having a job and a girlfriend.

Why is he playing a competitive sport if he doesn't like it? Maybe he just likes moaning to you.

Perhaps ask him does he just want to off load, does he want suggestions ,does he want you to help with anything. If its off loading then decide how much you are willing to listen and then exit from the conversation when you've reached that point.

I need to hear these comments, thankyou. I think I have always tried too hard with him/done too much for him. My younger children also. And now nothing is good enough. I blame myself. I need to let him get on with it

It's hard to tell the dynamic of your family from a single post, but from your update I think you should step back a little. Some kids like to moan a lot. I have one of those and I let a lot of it roll off me. The sport is particularly ridiculous. Playing it is not mandatory.

It is not our responsibility to make our kids happy. That's up to them.

It's fine for him to say he doesn't like xyz. But it's not fine if he then does nothing whatsoever to change the situation.

He's an adult and you can't make him happy.
Loads of people dislike their jobs and not being that happy with your partner in your 20s is hardly a rare occurrence either. These are things he needs to address and change.

If he doesn't want to live at home can he afford a flatshare or bedsit? I mean if you wanted to help him maybe agree to lend him some money to help him move?

You've every right to say you don't want to hear him complaining about everything if he's just going to do nothing about it.

I am all for helping with the housing crisis- as much as you are able- but the rest is fixable and he should try to fix it.

Some people aren't happy unless they have something to complain about.
I'd be less available to listen to it, and encourage him to live independently. Perhaps he needs that challenge?

Thank you. To be honest I want to be told it’s not my responsibility. That would be a load off.
@CharlotteRumpling our family dynamic is probably pretty typical. Working parents, young adult children. But we all tip toe around this particular “child” who just seems permanently dissatisfied with life. It has an effect on the whole household 🤷‍♀️

I'm happy to listen to my adult kids if they have an issue or a moan, and to make suggestions. In your place I would be listening to him and say, 'OK. What's your plan then?'

Put the onus back on him to resolve it as a grown up. If he hasn't got one then suggest, 'Ok, go away and think about what would make you happy. What do you need to do to get there?' Again, it's his issue.

He's probably just venting, but it doesn't need to stress you out.

I think that this is pretty much hpw I’d deal with it. In his mid-twenties he shouldn’t be looking to you to fix his problems for him. A very gentle “ok, so what are you going to do about it” let’s him know that it’s not your problem to fix.

tell him to bloody grow up emotionally and start bearing life with all its hardships as we all do

I don't like many things but plough forth

He's finding himself. He went into a career and has found it's not fir him , he's in a relationship. There will be many more
All perfectly normal. Back off and let him figure it out