Depression help for adult ds

[Mudflaps]

Can anyone direct me on how to help my adult son who is suffering from severe depression? He is 33 and had been self medicating with alcohol but stopped with the help of his gf and his gp, he was also prescribed antidepressants. He was doing ok as far as we knew but turned out he was abusing codeine and then a month ago his grand uncle took his own life very very unexpectedly, this has caused him to spiral and last night his gf has understandably taken a step back and I don't think they'll be back together, today he completely broke, he feels he's a failure, he's let everyone down, hurt her and his grandfather who he lives with, he eventually cried and cried, told me he's broken and so scared. I'm terrified and don't know what to do. He's not open to help, says counselling is a waste of time and money. I put this in craicnet because we are in Ireland, if anyone can advise I'd be grateful

The fact he cried and cried and confided in you is a very good sign and must mean you have a very good & close bond. Would you say this is his rock bottom ? Will he accept additional support ? Often rock bottom is a good turning point to suggest counselling or signpost to other help. There is loads of help available for him and you.
it does sound like he needs help: an addiction counsellor would be a good first step followed by AA or NA and for you Al Anon.

How is he now @Mudflaps? Has he sought any help yet?

He's much the same unfortunately, tears yesterday again. Stays upstairs mostly. Unfortunately he came out to Tesco with me earlier and I suspect he bought alcohol. He took the bag upstairs. He's hardly eating and looks awful tired and pale. He said early in the week that he wanted help, rang one place but there's a waiting list and now he won't consider it, I've given him names and numbers but he just says they can't help him.

How bloody awful for you. It sounds so difficult for both of you

To top it all off my uncle who took his own life a month ago has left my son his house, we haven't told him yet but its not really a surprise as my uncle had spoken of it. Who would want to inherit in those circumstances? I live 200km away with my dh but I'll stay with my ds and df as long as necessary, thankfully dh is understanding and tries to be supportive, he even met with an addiction counsellor yesterday for information

Its so hard to see him suffering and know its been there in the background for half his life nearly. He's a kind, gentle, intelligent person with a problem and so far I haven't been able to help him.

I hope things aren't still the same for your son 🤞🏼

Thank you for your comment, it means a lot. Things are up and down, unfortunately my son has completely shut down the idea of any counselling/therapy, he just insists it wouldn't help him. He has started drinking again, a few bottles of beer and a can or two of premixed whiskey and coke each evening which is unfortunate. He has broken down a few more times and cried while I hold him but not for almost a week now. He's not turned his phone on since the day of the break-up with his gf which is a little worrying. One thing that's helped is I had an appointment last Wednesday where I live and I was going there for just one night and he unexpectedly decided to come with me and we're still here, within hours he was more relaxed and less stressed so we just stayed here, thankfully my husband is fully on board with this. Tomorrow we go back to my fathers to collect more clothes etc but we'll come back here the next day if thats what my son wants, his gp gave him a 4 wk cert which covers until next Monday so he'll need to see the gp again and think about work. I wish he'd take some of the help available but he just won't, I'm afraid he's going to isolate himself and find it really difficult without help. He knows now a out the house he has inherited and is OK about it, it needs a lot of work to renovate it so we're hoping that it might interest him. He's quite down tonight but I can see he's trying to seem ok. How I wish I could go back in time and insist on him getting help as a teenager at the first sign of a problem.

He's very lucky he has such thoughtful parents. I'm sure he realises that. It sounds like you're doing all you can and cutting him some slack. It's very sad he feels so lost, maybe like you say, doing up the house will give him a bit of focus and it might give him some confidence that he's achieved some new skills.
It must be really hard for you to see your child like this. Hindsight is definitely not a wonderful thing, most people would have thought his early struggles were a short lived thing.
You're doing brilliantly.

Would that neurosym device thing help him? It’s a risk at 400 pounds but? And buying second hand is cheaper but manufacturers have an activation code that goes out of date..

I've never heard of them?