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Parents of adult children

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Original poster

My son is using drugs

17 replies

ThisSereneShark · 18/07/2025 13:26

My son who is 19 years old have always had behavioural issues such as getting into fights, running away and hanging out with bad people and god knows what else he could be doing. He is very secretive and I don’t see him much these days. I saw marks on his arm and asked him about it. He got very angry and defensive and we argued. He broke stuff and threw things, slammed doors and now he’s gone off with some friends.

I know that he has done weed and did cocaine and MDMA at parties before but if he is doing heroin or something, I don’t know much about drugs, then I am worried

We dont have a particularly close relationship and I am quite sure he doesn’t like me.

OP posts:
Lizzbear · 18/07/2025 13:51

I’m soon to hear this. Does he live with you? I would try to find a time when he’s calm and try to talk this over with him.
What would you like to do about it, op? Do you want him living with you and have you got other children there? Sounds hard op

Original poster
ThisSereneShark · 18/07/2025 14:46

Lizzbear · 18/07/2025 13:51

I’m soon to hear this. Does he live with you? I would try to find a time when he’s calm and try to talk this over with him.
What would you like to do about it, op? Do you want him living with you and have you got other children there? Sounds hard op

Sometimes he sleeps with me and other times I’m not sure. I assume he’s with friends or maybe girls.
I have other children, the youngest being 12 years old. I don’t want him living here if he continues with drugs and reckless behaviour as I don’t want it to influence my other children. But I still want him part of my life. I will try talking to him about rehab when I next see him but he could get angry again

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisSereneShark · 18/07/2025 14:47

When I say he sleeps with me, I meant he sleeps at my house

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 18/07/2025 15:10

He’s 19 and living with you, you can order a test from Amazon and get him to take it. I ended up doing it with my partner when things reached a breaking point and he was still in absolute denial.

Unfortunately the harshest lesson is that he can’t be helped until he wants to and things might have to get worse before they get better. Partner now is sober and works and volunteers in drug counselling and outreach, but it got bad to the point of attempted suicide.

There’s a drug epidemic in the UK, there were people of all ages in rehab with him.

Lizzbear · 18/07/2025 16:35

I sympathise. But, if he can’t control his anger and won’t talk with you, he might have to stay elsewhere. Tough love is needed here. Is there another adult who could talk with him?

Maddy70 · 18/07/2025 16:42

Realistically most kids dabble with weed and often mdma and cocaine. I wouldn't worry too much about heroine etc. It's very rare in relation to the party drugs.
Recreational drugs are very very very common try not to overreact

EasternStandard · 18/07/2025 16:51

That sounds really hard op. What’s he doing otherwise, does he have a job?

Original poster
ThisSereneShark · 19/07/2025 14:19

Lizzbear · 18/07/2025 16:35

I sympathise. But, if he can’t control his anger and won’t talk with you, he might have to stay elsewhere. Tough love is needed here. Is there another adult who could talk with him?

He stays with his friends a lot. I think maybe I will have to have a proper talk with him and hope he won’t get angry but I don’t want him to influence the other children

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisSereneShark · 19/07/2025 14:20

EasternStandard · 18/07/2025 16:51

That sounds really hard op. What’s he doing otherwise, does he have a job?

I don’t think he has a job. Sadly, I don’t know much about him these days

OP posts:
wizzywig · 19/07/2025 14:23

Maddy70 · 18/07/2025 16:42

Realistically most kids dabble with weed and often mdma and cocaine. I wouldn't worry too much about heroine etc. It's very rare in relation to the party drugs.
Recreational drugs are very very very common try not to overreact

?!!!
Wow you're chilled out.

Terrribletwos · 19/07/2025 14:26

@ThisSereneShark this is so difficult to deal with.

Was there something in his life that could have contributed to his chaotic lifestyle? How often does he come over and why does he? Does he resent your other kids for some reason?

Original poster
ThisSereneShark · 19/07/2025 14:34

Terrribletwos · 19/07/2025 14:26

@ThisSereneShark this is so difficult to deal with.

Was there something in his life that could have contributed to his chaotic lifestyle? How often does he come over and why does he? Does he resent your other kids for some reason?

I’m not sure. He has been difficult since puberty. Always reckless and getting in trouble but the drugs started last year, around the same time he was assaulted.

he comes over randomly when he needs a place to stay or he steals valuables to sell. He is quite friendly with the other children but I think maybe he is resentful that they are more successful than he is, he thinks we favour the other children.

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 19/07/2025 15:31

Do you think he may be vulnerable and getting used by drug gangs, there is a number you can call for this? Also, the assault, was it drug related? .

He is still young and sounds quite vulnerable. It must be a terrible worry for you. Do you have support from a partner or relatives?

MrsKeats · 19/07/2025 15:32

Maddy70 · 18/07/2025 16:42

Realistically most kids dabble with weed and often mdma and cocaine. I wouldn't worry too much about heroine etc. It's very rare in relation to the party drugs.
Recreational drugs are very very very common try not to overreact

Is this a joke?

Terrribletwos · 19/07/2025 15:37

MrsKeats · 19/07/2025 15:32

Is this a joke?

Show quote history

Wondering what that poster could have meant. Recreational drugs can often lead to heroin use, users often get from same source. Also, Op mentioned noticing marks on his arms.

Maddy70 · 19/07/2025 15:43

MrsKeats · 19/07/2025 15:32

Is this a joke?

Show quote history

This is factual. You are very naive if you think otherwise.

whattodoforthebest2 · 19/07/2025 15:59

Maddy70 · 19/07/2025 15:43

This is factual. You are very naive if you think otherwise.

Show quote history

You’re being very blasé about it, telling OP not to overreact. She has other children to consider and a drug user in the house who’s stealing is a danger to everyone.

OP, my son stole from his siblings and from me when he was in his teens. When he was 19, I’d had enough of his attitude and entitlement and told him to leave. I basically called the police on him and he left just before they arrived. He lived with his Dad for a year and then came back to mine. The situation improved slightly, but then he went to uni and got involved in sports etc which did him a lot of good. I couldn’t have let my other DC witness his behaviour and think I was OK with it, so I had to draw the line. I’m sure he’s been involved with drugs since then but he lives with his gf and has a responsible, well-paid job, so hopefully he’s aware of the risks he’s taking.

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