How do I get my kids to use my kitchen respectfully.

[joblessjoy]

I have 1DD 21 and 1DS 19. From birth, I chose to work part time and take on all home chores, while my husband put a lot of hours into his job. For efficiency, I foolishly did the same for kids. Now they’re fully grown, living at home and leaving my kitchen a mess 3 times a day, not clearing up after themselves. I come in from work planning to cook dinner, and there’s not a clean work surface or pot in the house! I’m the kind of person who couldn’t cook while all mess still around from last cook, not to mention no clean utensils. I’ve threatened not to cook if the area isn’t clean, but then I’m throwing uncooked ingredients away. They’re both still in full time education with part time jobs, so I don’t charge any rent etc. Obviously I keep telling them, but they aren’t bothered. Boy far worse than girl. Can anyone suggest a strategy that might be effective?

Have you tried creating a rota? It’s not foolproof but it seems to have been the only thing that worked with DD - she also has a habit of using everything on sight during the day and it felt like I came home to a second job as a cleaner and pot washer (small kitchen, no dishwasher).

And in my case not to mention the cost of multiple different meals being cooked continually because I have to eat too.

We’ve had a few ways of doing it, none entirely foolproof.

first way was I put a tick sheet on the freezer ever Sunday listing out the meals for the week and everyone had to tick if they wanted them. If no-one wanted them I either cooked for me and the freezer or got take out.
this was combined with a tally sheet for the dishwasher and the person who did it most got a chocolate bar each week.

then later after uni we split the kitchen and meals were on a three day rota - day one I cooked day two she cooked day three we ate separately (takeout or just beans on toast type meals).

You and DH go out for dinner/get take away for yourselves a lot until
they pull their socks up.

Thanks. Some stuff to try. I’m at my wits end.

It is a basic respect issue

what happens when you come home and tell them this needs to be done NOW (no long story about how you are not going to cook them dinner, just that they can’t leave the kitchen like this.

it’s a basic respect issue

Tell them if they want to live in a tip, go and rent their own place to create mess in

I am in a similar set up, but really do expect my DH also to help.as I was becoming a maid to the family really. Everyone who lives in the house has to do some cleaning/tidying/cooking.

i had drifted into the same set up as you and found nobody respects or appreciates the small but never ending tasks of tidying and cleaning and shopping and cooking, so I went on strike for a month when boys were 17/18

then we renegotiated everything. DH needed to step up to, and tell the boys to do their part.

mostly kids do as they see (their dad behave) not as they are told. So they needed to see dad step up and take more responsibility for cleaning shopping and cooking (despite his full time job, why should men be expected to work and then get free maid service thrown in and be catered for like in a hotel?! Oh yes I got the rage 😁)

good luck getting them all on board.

working does not absolve everyone from housework

stop being the maid (unless you like that role in which case just clean a bit harder)

When you get home and there is a mess, you call them from wherever they are lurking and you tell them that they clean up. Right now. You do not waiver, they do not say they will do it later and you absolutely do NOT do it for them.

You also sit them down and give them a stern talking to about respect. And tell them that if the problem doesn't stop with immediate effect then you will be charging them rent. And mean it.

They are adults, start treating them like it.

Stop cooking for them until they start to co-operate.

Just give then cold food and water using disposable paper plates and dishes with no cutlery.

If they don't put them in the bin after they have finished. Move the rubbish onto their beds

Disposales not good for the plant but tough!!

If you can find a Poundland Store near you that is still open. They sell them in bulk at cheap prices.

Hope this raised a smile.

🤞🆘🧚

I actually do this. DH does it too as he does nearly all of the cooking.
DS 20 cooks family meal once a week at least.

This has improved things. However I come down in the mornings to unswept kitchen floor and table not wiped.
I am considering making a laminated tick sheet of the individual tasks that comprise “cleaning the kitchen”!!

I also know that I drove a flat mate mad in my 20s as I was like this, so I wonder if it is part of growing up!